


Ready. 1-2-3

by KatandTonic



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Family, Illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-04-02 13:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 63,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4060960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatandTonic/pseuds/KatandTonic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Trust me Bec” Chloe grabbed her wifes hand and held it tightly, her face still adorned with a smile that even under the circumstances, made Becas heart do funny things.  “Ready, 1-2-3”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Beca opened the door to her house quietly and threw her keys in the dish by the door.  She was completely numb, unsure of her next move as she made her way into the living room, a coughing fit catching her on her way.

 “Beca!” Chloe exclaimed, her usual exuberance unhindered by the absence of emotion on Becas face, she was used to that. The older girl was on her knees on the couch, waiting for her wife to walk over, when she did, Beca was engulfed in a tight hug, having to catch her balance at the force of it. Beca held her wife tight for a few moments, the comfort of the embrace bringing her back to earth after a difficult few hours.  She rested her head in the crook of her wife’s neck, her senses immersed in Chloe, the way the scent of her perfume mixed with her shampoo, how the older girls red hair tickled her. Chloes hugs were Becas safe place, and that’s really what she needed even if it was for just a few seconds. “You’ve been gone forever, did the doctor give you a better prescription? I really don’t like the sound of that cough.”

 “Listen, I have something to tell you” Beca said, begrudgingly letting go and sitting down on the couch next to the fiery redhead, folding her legs under her as she leaned against the arm. Chloe turned to face her, a broad smile still crossing her features. 

“I have something to tell you too!” Chloe squeaked. Beca cracked a small smile, even in her catatonic state she could tell that her wife was excited about something, not that it took much to get the older girl excited. “Why don’t we say it at the same time? Ready, 1-2-  
  

“Wait, Chloe!” Beca quickly interrupted, another cough catching her unexpected, it took her a few seconds to compose herself again. “I don’t think that’s a great idea”

“Trust me Bec” Chloe grabbed her wife’s hand and held it tightly, her face still adorned with a smile that even under the circumstances, made Beca's heart do funny things.  “Ready, 1-2-3”

“I have cancer”

“I’m pregnant!”

 

* * *

 

“Chlo?” Beca asked softly, entering their bedroom an hour later.  After sharing their news, Chloe had silently walked upstairs with nothing more than an extremely pained expression on her face.  Beca knew better than to follow right away, Chloe needed her space, if she wanted Beca to see her she would have broken down right there in the living room. Chloe was odd like that, and even after being together for the better part of 7 years, Beca was still discovering new things about her.  Like how Chloe was rarely shy to show her emotions and didn’t need a whole lot of alone time, but when she did, when she sequestered herself to their room, Beca knew better than to follow right away.

Her wife was curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed, even from across the room Beca could see her body shaking as sobs overtook her.  She leaned against the doorframe for a few moments, giving her wife a chance to tell her to go away before making her way over to the bed, sitting on the edge and silently started rubbing Chloe’s back, trying anything to comfort her. “Hey babe, it’s gonna be  -“ 

“Don’t even finish that sentence!” Chloe growled, turning to face the young brunette.  Her eyes were puffy from crying, her face tear streaked and red. The younger girl was used to seeing Chloe cry, but she’d never seen her this upset before. “You have cancer, Beca. CANCER!  How could this happen to us?  Everything was just starting to go right, and now -“ Chloe was cut off by another round of body shaking sobs.  Beca's heart hurt watching, knowing first hand every emotion that her wife was battling right now. 

“I'll be fine, Chlo” Beca assured her, only half believing it herself.  Before she could continue, her body was wracked with more coughing, she couldn’t get them under control though, doubling over, trying anything to get a breath.

“Beca!” Chloe exclaimed startled at the longevity of this episode, sitting up quickly and rubbed her wife’s back, just as Beca had been doing for her moments before.  The coughing always worried Chloe, but she figured it was just a cold and that Beca would beat it in time.  Her wife didn’t get sick often, but every winter she would get a bad cold and it would drag on for weeks.  She hated seeing Beca uncomfortable, but seeing the same routine year after year, she’d adjusted to it.  After a few moments, the coughing slowed and eventually Beca got control of herself again, still doubled over, struggling to catch her breath.  “In and out, baby – deep breaths.”

Beca finally sat up, her eyes rimmed with tears caused by her episode.  It took her a few moments to regain her composure before she looked over at her wife. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

“You’re not fine, Beca!” Chloe half yelled, tears returning, “Stop saying that!”

“Hey” Beca soothed, swinging her legs onto the bed and lying down, pulling her wife down with her.  Chloe curled into her wife’s side, letting the younger girl hold her while she cried.  “I’ll be fine, I just need a little bit of chemo and I’ll be good to go.  You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Don’t even joke about that” Chloe choked, knotting the younger girls shirt in her hand as she was again overtaken by sobs. “You’re – you’re my whole world Beca Mitchell.”

Beca resumed the gentle ministrations down Chloe’s back; it was something she knew would eventually help calm her wife down. Beca had learned early on that soothing motions helped her wife; they gave her something to focus on when she felt like she couldn’t hold it together.  “Hey listen, I won’t be your _whole_ world for much longer” Beca smiled, desperately trying to change the subject “Tell me about this baby we’re having.”

The news of their impending arrival was the only thing that was able to break Beca of her trance when she had gotten home. When Chloe had told her, it broke through all of the fear, pain and anger she’d been going through since getting her diagnosis, leaving her with unadulterated joy, even if it only lasted a few seconds.  Beca wished the timing was better, but she couldn’t help but feel over the moon.

Chloe wiped her eyes on the collar of her shirt, a watery smile breaking across her features.  She had been so excited when she saw that little plus sign on the test that morning.  She knew it was early, but they had wanted a baby for so long, she couldn’t help but start envisioning their future with a little one.  They knew it could take awhile, so they had started trying soon after their wedding 3 years ago, clearing out their bank accounts to afford the fertility treatments and hoping beyond hope that it would finally work after 3 failed attempts.

“When did you find out?” Beca asked, unable to hide the joy she felt.  “Tell me everything.”

“This morning.  I knew it was kind of soon after the last treatment, but I couldn’t wait any longer.” The red head blushed with embarrassment at her lack of patience. “I was gonna wait til you were home but you were taking so long…” Chloe broke off; her smile falling and her eyes filling with tears again, remember why exactly it had taken Beca so long to get home.  

“Hey, shhh” Beca soothed as Chloe tucked her face into he wife’s shoulder, “You know I’m way too stubborn to let this beat me, we’ll be ok. All 3 of us.”

“But what if you’re not” Chloe asked, her voice quivering “You could die, Beca.  I can’t do this whole life thing without you.”

“I could die walking across the street tomorrow too. I’m not scared of crossing the street though, and I’m not scared of this either.” Beca replied, lying about the second part, she was actually terrified, but unable and unwilling to put those fears on her wife.  “Baby, this is just a bump in the road, don’t worry.”

“Promise me that you’ll be here to watch this baby grow up” Chloe was trying to wipe the tears from her face, but they were falling too quickly.  “Promise me that you won’t leave me, we have our whole lives planned out.  I need you.”

“I promise, Chloe” Beca assured her, using the sleeve of her flannel shirt to dry her wife’s face.  “I have no intentions of going anywhere.”

 

* * *

 

After a few hours of cuddling and countless assurances from Beca that she would be fine, the 2 women made their way downstairs, going through the motions of preparing dinner.  

“I’m really not hungry” Chloe interjected as Beca pulled some chicken out of the refrigerator and started making a marinade.

“You need to eat babe.  That’s my kid in there” Beca motioned to Chloe’s stomach with a smile, “we have to make sure he or she is healthy and strong, which means you have to eat.”

“Ok fine” Chloe concede, knowing that her wife had a point.  She pulled herself up so that she was sitting on the counter next to where Beca stood preparing their dinner. “But don’t make me much, no point in wasting food when we’re about to get slammed with medical bills.”

Beca frowned a little bit.  It wasn’t the 1st time that had crossed her mind today. She worried about it when she was on her way home from the doctor, then after Chloe told her she was pregnant, it dawned on her that they not only had to worry about her treatments, but medical expenses for Chloe and the baby as well, and their savings account was scary low at the moment.

“Don’t worry about that” the brunette interjected “We have good insurance, we’ll be ok.”

“But we just bought the house, and now we need baby stuff and we’ll have to pay for any of your –“ Chloe paused, unable to say what exactly it was that Beca had.  “What I’m saying is, people are bankrupted by medical bills all the time, even people that have good insurance.”

“Hey listen” Beca glanced over at Chloe before putting the chicken in the oven and washing her hands “we’ll cross that bridge if and when we get there.  I don’t want you worrying about that stuff, there are much better things to worry about, like what we’re gonna name that little one.”

Chloe smiled as Beca came over and put her hands on her still flat stomach, the younger girl looked up at her wife and grinned. “Babe, we’re gonna be parents!”

 

* * *

 

“Hey listen” Beca began as they sat on the couch later that night, Chloe’s head in her wife’s lap, the younger girl absentmindedly playing with the red locks she loves so much.  “I have an oncologist appointment –“ 

“I’m going with you!” Chloe interrupted, sitting up abruptly.

“That’s what I was going to say” Beca sighed, both appreciating Chloe’s passion to be involved, and upset to know that it came from a place of deep fear.  “It’s at 10, so I don’t know if you need to rearrange any meetings or anything.”

“Nope, I’ll just work from home tomorrow.” Chloe said smugly. 

“You know, one of us is going to get kicked out of our office soon” Beca smiled again, placing her hands back on her wife’s abdomen.  Beca always worked from home, having everything she needed for her mixing there. There was no point in her going to a studio and doing the exact same thing she could do from home. She only went to the studio on days that one of her projects was being recorded.  1 of the spare bedrooms was set up as her studio, the other, Chloe’s office. “This little dude is gonna need somewhere to sleep.”

“Or dudette”

“Yes or course, or dudette.”  Beca choked out, suddenly being overcome with another round of coughing.  She saw the pained look on her wife’s face and tried to assure her she was fine, but it took awhile for the coughing to subside long enough for her to get 2 words out. Chloe silently handed her a glass of water that was on the coffee table, offering up what little she could to help. “I’m ok.”

They sat in silence for a little while, Chloe resuming her earlier position with her head in Beca's lap, Beca stoking her hair trying to alleviate they stress that she knew he wife was going through.

“Are you scared Bec?” Chloe asked in a small voice, her eyes big and full of concern.  “You can tell me you know, I’m not that fragile.”

“I know you’re not, pretty girl.” Beca responded, leaning down a placing a light kiss on her wife’s lips.  “I’m a little bit scared, I’m not gonna lie. But not about cancer, I’m scared of not being a good enough mom.”

“You’re gonna be a great mom, Beca!” Chloe smiled “You try to hide it, but you have the biggest heart.  Our kids are going to be so overwhelmed by how awesome their mom is.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.  You think I would have gone through all of these treatments and the crazy hormone injections if I didn’t think you were going to be the absolute best mom that our kids could ever ask for?”  Beca broke into a smile when she heard that.  She wanted kids, but she also didn’t have a lot of experience with them, unlike her wife who was a nanny all though college.  “I worry about a lot of things, but you as a parent is never, ever one of them.”

“I know I don’t say it a lot, but I’m kinda, sorta in love with you.” The younger girl smiles, leaning down to plant another, deeper kiss, on her wife’s lips.

“That’s good, because I kinda, sorta love you too”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chloe held Beca's hand in her lap while they waited for the doctor to come in. She could tell that her wife was nervous, even though the brunette would deny it every time she asked. The younger girls leg incessantly tapping the floor, her free hand twiddling with the hem of her shirt. “I’m right here, Bec” 

“I know, I just want to get this over with, ya know?” Beca's voice cracked in the middle, a few coughs making their way through. She couldn’t quite wrap her head around why she was nervous; she already knew she was sick. “I just want to know the plan.” 

“We’ll find out soon enough, just – sit still” Chloe let out a little laugh. Beca tried to calm her leg but it didn’t work, she just looked over at her wife who saw the fear in her face, a deer in the headlights look overtaking her. Chloe knew that Beca hated not being in control, and there was no way for her to even attempt to control this. She was completely at the mercy of her doctors, and Chloe knew that terrified her wife, even if she’d never admit it. “Hey Beca, it’s ok, lets just wait to hear what he has to say.” 

As if on cue, the door to the office opened and a tall man walked in, his hand outstretched. “Hey ladies, I’m Dr. Harold” he said shaking their hands, “Which one of you is Beca?” 

“I’m Beca” the younger girl choked, her mouth suddenly going dry. “This is my wife, Chloe” 

“Well it’s nice to meet both of you.” He sat down and the women followed his cue. “I’m your primary oncologist, which basically means I’m basically your primary doctor for this. We work in teams here, and your team also includes a radiologist, a psychologist and since your female, we recommend a, OB/GYN as well.”

“Wait, why” Chloe interrupted, “She has lung cancer, why does she need a OB?” 

“Beca is going to be going through some serious chemo and radiation,” he explained, Chloe held Baca’s hand a little bit tighter “We recommend that patients harvest eggs before that happens, often times women struggle with conception after these treatments.” Chloe just nodded, trying to come to terms with how little she knew about the process. 

The doctor turned back to the younger girl, “Beca, your file says you’re a non-smoker, is that accurate?” 

“I mean, I’ve took a hit of a blunt once or twice in college, but that’s it.” The doctor the day before had asked her that several times as well, almost as if he was trying to get Beca to admit she had lied on her health history paperwork, but it was the truth. 

“Did your doctor yesterday explain to you your diagnosis?” He asked; Beca just gave a small nod in reply. She knew it, but she hadn’t really gone over it with Chloe. 

“Ok, well just to cover our bases I’m gonna go over it again and see if you have any questions.” Again all Beca did was nod. This time she gave Chloe’s hand a reassuring squeeze, knowing that her wife was about in for a shock. “You have stage 3, metastatic lung cancer, which means it’s moved to other parts of your body. We need to do more extensive scans, but right now it looks like it’s in your liver and left kidney as well, and you have a sizable tumor in your lung.” 

“Wait, what?” Chloe interjected, her eyes swimming with tears, willing herself not to let them spill over. Beca glanced over and saw the outrage on her wife’s face. “You told me it wasn’t that bad, Beca!” 

“Just listen to what he has to say, please.” Beca closed her eye and let out a deep sigh before her body wracked with another coughing fit. Chloe looked over concerned, rubbing her wife’s back until the coughing fit subsided and then twisting their fingers together again. 

“I’ve been doing this for over 15 years and I’ve never seen a case as severe as yours in a non-smoker. Usually people come in a lot earlier.” The doctor explained, “Did you not feel any discomfort?” 

“I mean, I had a cough, but I figured it was just a cold so I just used cough drops and stuff, Beca shrugged, “then it kinda got harder to breathe and the cough wouldn’t go away so I went to the doctor and they said I had pneumonia and gave me some medicine for it, but it didn’t get any better which is why I came back yesterday.” 

“That’s not surprising” the doctor replied when Beca finished explaining, “Since you don’t smoke, most doctors wouldn’t look for cancer until all other obvious things were eliminated. Unfortunately it took a bit longer than I would have liked.” 

“But it’s not too bad?” Chloe asked, her voice cracking. Beca looked over and saw the tears finally spilling over from the bright blue eyes she loved so much. “She’ll be ok, right?” 

There was a moment of silence in which the doctor took a deep sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. Beca squeezed Chloe’s hand again trying to comfort her, not really knowing what else to do. She had heard all of this yesterday, she’d had time to process it, but Chloe hadn’t. She was hoping that they weren’t going to get into details, because she knew that Chloe was not going to take it well. 

“I would say, realistically you’re looking at a 30% long-term survival rate.” He finally said, breaking the silence. With that, Chloe lost any form of composure that she had left, letting go of Beca's hand to cover her face while she sobbed uncontrollably. Beca wrapped her arm around Chloe and let her wife lean into her, trying to offer any amount of comfort she could. 

“What does long-term mean?” Beca asked, “They didn’t really go over that yesterday.” 

“Generally, anything past 5 years is considered long-term” Beca nodded. She had been given her prognosis the day before, but was trying to keep it to herself. Chloe didn’t need to know percentages, Beca knew they would just scare her wife, and she was right. Chloe was trying, and failing to regain her composure next to her. Beca rubbed her hand up and down Chloe’s arm, hoping the gentle motion would somehow sooth her. “We have a good treatment plan set up for you though, we are going to do everything we can to make sure you are 100% cancer free.” 

“So what are the next steps?” The younger girl looked down at her wife who was slowly regaining her composure. Chloe sat up and Beca reached over, brushing a strand of red hair behind her ear, offering a small reassuring smile to the redhead. “I don’t plan on going anywhere, I can take whatever, and I want to be as aggressive as possible.” 

“We’re going to set up an appointment to get some more scans done so we can see exactly how extensive it is.” He explained, “Ideally we’ll do that tomorrow, and start chemotherapy the following day. Just from seeing the initial scans that were done, I can already tell you that there’s a good chance we’re going to need surgery to remove the tumor in your lung, but we’re going to try and shrink it first with drug therapy, so surgery is probably at least a few months away.” 

Beca nodded. She had nothing else to say, everything was happening so fast, yesterday morning she went into the doctor with a bad case of pneumonia and walked out with a 30% chance of survival. Now she was getting ready to schedule poisoning herself with medicine and maybe a surgery. It was hard to wrap her head around. “Is there anything else?” 

“Not for today. The receptionist will give you a list of the other doctors on your team, they’ll probably stop by and see you when you come in for chemo in a few days.” He stood up and shook both of their hands again before leaving. He motioned to Chloe who was again sobbing into her hands, “You guys can take your time in here.” 

“Thank you” Beca mouthed, now turning completely and wrapping her arms around Chloe who melted into her. “It’s ok, princess” Beca soothed, stroking her wife’s hair as she held her. “Shhh, it’s gonna be ok.” 

After what felt like hours, Chloe’s sobs slowed and eventually turned to sniffles. She sat up and looked at her wife, the pain in her face was clearly evident. Beca reached up and wiped the tears off her wife’s face before leaning over and kissing her wife assuredly. “You ready to go?” 

Chloe nodded, standing up and putting her jacket on. “Do you know where the bathroom is, I want to clean up.” 

“I think it’s down the hall to the right. Past the reception desk.” Beca wrapped her arm around Chloe as they walked down the hall, planting a kiss on her wife’s temple as she stopped to check out, “I’ll meet you here, ok?” 

Chloe just nodded, walking down the hall. Beca's heart broke for her wife; this was supposed to be the most exciting time of their lives, not the scariest. One of the things that Beca loved about the older girl was that she felt everything so deeply; she had the biggest heart, so full of compassion, so full of joy. Unfortunately, that also meant that she hurt more too. She wore emotions on her sleeve. 

“Hey Beca, I’m glad I caught you.” The brunette turned around to see Dr. Harold briskly walking in her direction. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

“Is something wrong? Her breath caught in her chest, please don’t let this get worse she thought to herself. 

“Not wrong per say…it’s about Chloe.” Beca just gave him a look, silently telling him to continue. “I know you were given your prognosis yesterday, but she seemed pretty out of the loop. I highly suggest sharing this stuff with her, you guys are in for a tough fight and at times, she’s going to be your biggest advocate because you’ll likely be too sick to advocate for yourself. You need that support system.” 

“Chloe’s pregnant” she didn’t even hesitate to say it, not even weighing what he just told her. “I love her and that child too much to put that extra stress on her. I can’t do that.” 

“You need her Beca.” 

“I need her more than you could ever understand, and that’s another reason I need you to keep me alive. That woman and that baby are my whole world, I can’t miss out on that.” The brunette sighed, running her hands through her hair. She closed her eyes for a second, taking another deep breath. “Chloe will know enough, but she doesn’t need unnecessary information that is just going to scare her. That’s not going to help, trust me.” 

“It’s ultimately up to you, but you need to talk to someone. If you’re planning on trying to shelter your wife from the harsh realities of your disease, I’m going to recommend regular counseling visits.” 

“Like, to a shrink?” 

“That’s one way of putting it.” Beca saw Chloe headed their way and figured she needed a way out of this conversation quickly. 

“Fine, I’ll do whatever.” She almost blurted out, trying desperately to change the subject before Chloe rejoined them. “Hey Chlo, you alright?” 

The older girl just nodded and stood next to her wife, letting Beca wrap a supportive arm around her waist. Her face was flushed from all the crying, her eyes were puffy and she just looked overwhelmingly drained. “Is everything ok?” 

“Everything’s fine” the doctor assured her with a half smile “You two should go home and get some rest.” 

After checking out and setting up appointments for the following few days, Beca and Chloe stepped outside for the first time in hours, blinded by the afternoon sunlight. Beca put her hand over her eyes as she scanned the parking lot for their car. “Chlo, do you remember where we parked?” 

“Over here, I think” the older girl said softly, letting go of her wife’s hand and walking ahead. Beca watched her walk away for a second before following, Chloe had been through the ringer today and her wife knew she needed a little bit of space. The redhead was already waiting in the car when Beca caught up, her head rested against the passenger side window, the keys already in the ignition waiting for Beca. 

“Where’s you head at babe?” the younger girl asked halfway through their silent drive home. It was weird for them to be this quiet, there was always conversation freely flowing, or at least singing. Beca knew that Chloe was lost in her own thoughts, but she hated seeing her wife so upset. She reached over the center console and placed her hand on Chloe’s leg, giving a gentle squeeze, but before she knew it, Chloe had shifted so that Beca was no longer touching her. Maybe this was worse than Beca thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like this chapter, but it's necessary to set up the rest.


	3. Chapter 3

Beca barely had the car in park before Chloe got out and half ran inside.  The brunette sighed and followed slowly, letting Chloe have her space.  Beca was used to Chloe being emotional, it was part of who she was and in turn, something the younger girl loved about her, but she’d never shut Beca out before and that was a worrying prospect for the younger girl.

“Chloe?” Beca called out making her way into the house, her wife wasn’t in the living room or kitchen, it didn’t appear that she was downstairs at all.  She made her way upstairs to their room, which was, to her surprise, empty as well. The last place she could think to look was Chloe’s office, even though she couldn’t imagine her wife working right now.  The door was locked. “Chloe, come on, let me in.” After no response, she jiggled the handle a few more times and then resigned herself to the fact that Chloe wanted to be alone.  Instead, she leaned against the door and slid down, waiting for her wife to come out.

* * *

 

“Chloe, please let me in.” Beca asked again after a little while.  “I know you’re upset, but I’m here for you, you just have to open the door.

 

* * *

 

Another half an hour passed before Beca checked the knob again.  Still locked. “Chlo, seriously it’s been over an hour. At least let me know you’re alright.”

“I’m fine.” Chloe’s voice was sharp, and curt. It held an edge that Beca had only heard a few times, and never in good situations.

“Please open the door.” Still nothing. It was starting to annoy Beca a little bit, yeah Chloe was upset, but how did her wife think she felt. “Chloe, come on. I know you’re upset but jeez, I’m the one that has cancer here.”  Beca knew it was going to be hit or miss; it could either lighten the mood, or make it a lot worse.

It made it a lot worse. Without warning the door swung open and Beca was face to face with an incredibly angry redhead. “Are you _kidding me_ right now?!? Did you really just play the cancer card after you lied to me?”

“What are you talking about?” Beca was genuinely confused and a tad irritated about being yelled at. Chloe was the one person on the entire planet that she was always honest with.  “I didn’t lie to you.” 

“You told me you were going to be fine! You told me that it wasn’t that bad, that ‘ _a little bit of chemo and you’ll be good to go’._ You lied to me Beca!” 

“I didn’t lie!” Beca defended herself, taking a step back.  She’d never seen Chloe this angry before, not even when they were dating and the older girl had herself wrongly convinced that Beca was cheating.  “I told you what you needed to know, I didn’t want to worry you.”

“You don’t think I would need to know that the woman who I plan on spending the rest of my life with only has a 30% chance of being around in 5 years?  You don’t think that might be something I would want to know?” 

“I don’t care about those numbers Chloe!” Beca finally let her voice raise a little “I don’t care what they say, I’m not going anywhere!”

“You don’t know that, Beca!” Chloe was now pacing up and down the hallway, frantically trying to both find the words, and calm herself down.  “If the treatments don’t work, what do you do then?  You have so little control over this.” The older girl finally stopped and faced Beca, her face fallen, almost defeated. 

“Chloe,” Beca sighed, a small cough making it’s way out as well, but she ignored it.  “Chlo, I’m _going_ to beat this. I’m young, I’m strong, I’m not going anywhere. I need you to not shut me out when you’re scared. I need you.” 

“How are you so calm?”

“You think I’m calm?” Beca was the exasperated one now, pacing the hallway and running her hands through her hair, trying to figure out exactly what to say. “This – this all scares the _shit_ out of me Chloe!  I am terrified, I’m panicked, I’m stressed out and worried and I don’t even know what else and it’s all happening at the same time that I’m so fucking happy because we’re having a baby!  I feel like I’m going to explode, there’s so many things going through my head right now.”

“Beca, why didn’t you tell me any of that?” Chloe felt bad for yelling, but she couldn’t help but feel like it was necessary to finally get Beca to let her in.

“You know I don’t talk about stuff like that.” Beca huffed, still pacing.  “You know that Chloe, you’ve known that for years and I know I’m going to beat this but it’s going to completely suck in the process and I don’t want to talk about it.” Beca’s words were coming out at an alarming rate, finally she turned and looked at Chloe, who for the first time since she came out of her office, didn’t look overwhelmingly mad.  “I just really need you on my side and not getting angry at me because I don’t want to talk about it, that’s like you being angry at me for being me, and I can’t change that.  

“I’m always on your side, Beca and the last thing on earth that I want is for you to change even the slightest thing about you” the older girl said quietly, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around her wife. Beca nuzzled her face into the crook of Chloes neck, comforted by the familiarity of the embrace. “I’m scared, the thought of losing you – I can’t even begin to explain how much that scares me Bec, but I’m always on your side.  Just tell me what you need from me.”

“I – I don’t even know, Chlo.” Beca mumbled, her words half lost in the fabric of Chloe’s shirt. “I can’t ask you to not freak out, because this is scary and it’s normal to be freaked out. I just want everything to go back to how it was 2 days ago.”

Chloe turned and placed a firm kiss on her wifes temple, not really knowing what else to do.  Just as much as Beca couldn’t change how she bottled everything up, Chloe knew that it would be next to impossible for her to show her emotions any less, but she also knew that she couldn’t be a complete basket case for the next few months. Beca would try and make it better for her, but Chloe knew that the younger girl didn’t need that while she was going through everything else.

“How about this?” Chloe started, leaning back a little so that she could look in her wifes eyes.  She felt Beca tighten her grip around her waist, not wanting Chloe any further away than she needed to be.  “How about you focus on you, don’t worry about me and how I’m going to react to things, just focus on your treatments and getting better and just relax as much as you can.  I’ll deal with me.” 

“Yeah that’s going to work.” Beca snorted, the corners of her mouth twitching up towards a smile before she could catch herself. “Chloe, you’re pregnant. I’m going to worry about you and I’m going to hover and I’m sure as hell not going to sit at home while you go to the doctor.” Now she couldn’t hide her smile anymore, talking about their child seemed to be the only thing that could get her mind off of everything else.  No matter how bad it was going for her, that baby, as little as it was and as far off as it was to getting there, still made her heart soar with joy.

“Is it bad that I forgot for a second?” Chloe asked, half laughing.

“A little bit, yeah” Beca laughed back before tucking her head under Chloes chin again.  “I’m so excited Chloe, I can’t even explain to you how excited I am!”

 

* * *

 

“Ok, so your scans were about what we expected” Dr. Harold began, “We’re going to start you on chemo today, but first we have to insert a catheter in your chest – “

“ - I thought it was going to be IV in my arm?” Beca interrupted, looking a little frightened.  Chloe sat next to her, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Everywhere online said it would be IV.” 

“You have advanced cancer.” Beca felt the air leave her lungs, it was something she knew already, a 30% life expectancy kind of equals advanced cancer, but she’d never had it told to her quite in those terms. “You’re going to need at least 4 rounds of chemotherapy. Each round is 6 days, then 3 weeks off, and then we start over again.  With that many treatments, its much easier to have the permanent catheter inserted so that we’re not constantly poking your veins.  After awhile, we’d run out of good veins in your arms and it would get very uncomfortable."

“When you say permanent…?”

“We will take it out once you’re done with your treatment.  Probably in 5 to 6 months.”

“I’m just going to have a tube sticking out of my chest for 6 months!” The more they talked about it, the more real it got and in turn, the more scared Beca became.  “What if I pull it out by accident or it gets stuck on my shirt? I don’t think I want that, can we just do the IV?” 

“Hold on a second, Beca” the doctor almost laughed “before you completely freak out, let me explain it to you a little more. When you’re not having treatment, all you’ll see is a little bump under your collarbone.  Nothing is going to be sticking out of you, it’s not nearly as uncomfortable as IV’s. They just insert the needle through your skin and into the catheter, they don't have to worry about looking for veins.”

“and this is what you recommend?” this time it was Chloe, she was trying to stay as detached as she could in order to control her emotions.  She knew Beca didn’t need her turning into a blubbering mess on her first day of chemotherapy.

“This is what I recommend.  It will greatly increase Beca’s quality of life during treatment.”

“I think you should do it, Bec” Chloe said, turning so she was facing her wife. “One of my co-workers had one and you wouldn’t have even known it was there if she hadn’t pointed it out one day while she was wearing a lower cut top.  Plus, if it’s going to be more comfortable in the long run, it’d probably be a good idea.”

Beca sighed, she didn’t like the idea of a medical device being implanted in her chest.  It made her feel old, like she needed a pacemaker.  It made her feel like she was dying.  “I guess we’ll go for it.  As long as you promise you’ll take that thing out as soon as you can.”

“Of course we will.” 

“Ok just do it before I change my mind.” Beca read and filled out the needed paperwork and made their way down the hall to radiology where they were going to insert it.  “Chlo, you can’t come in here.”

“Wait, why?” Chloe asked, looking a little defensive. “I’ll just sit by your head and hold your hand.  No biggie.”

“No…like you can’t.” Beca started “Chlo, did you not read the little brochure he just gave us?  They’re using x-rays and stuff, you can’t be in there while pregnant.”

“Oh” Chloe looked a little crestfallen, but took a seat outside the door.  “I’ll be right here, ok?” Beca just nodded, her nerves starting to get the best of her.  “I’m right here, Bec.” 

* * *

2 hours later, Beca and Chloe were upstairs in an outpatient treatment room, Beca hooked up to her treatment while Chloe sat next to her and absentmindedly skimmed through her phone. 

“How are you doing over here ladies?” a nurse asked, it was the 3rd time she’d been over in the last 20 minutes. They were in a room with about a dozen other chemo patients, all of them sitting in recliners hooked up to their medicine.  The nurse just constantly went in a circle checking in on them.  Beca found it rather annoying. 

“We’re good.” Beca sighed,  “I’ll let you know if anything changes.” Beca added sharply, knowing the follow up that was coming.  The nurse gave her a look, but walked away nonetheless. 

“That was a little rude, babe.” Chloe hummed, raising an eyebrow as she looked up from her phone.  “You may as well get used to it because you’re going to be spending a lot of time here.”

“Thanks for reminding me.” The younger girl huffed under her breath, leaning back in her chair with a big sigh. Without warning, Chloe got up and grabbed her bag. “Hey wait!  Where are you going?”

“I’m just going to get some food, I’ll be right back.” Chloe smiled as she brushed the hair off of Becas forehead and placed a light kiss. “Do you want anything?”

“uhhh” Beca thought about it. She was hungry, but she knew the side effects of the chemo and wasn’t sure putting something else in her stomach was a great idea.  “Maybe just some juice?” 

Chloe nodded before heading out the door. Being alone felt weird to Beca, she hadn’t really been alone in days, not since she got back from the doctor the day of her diagnosis.  She’d called work and told them she needed some time off, and Chloe had done the same. It had been a lot of togetherness, which she liked, but it did feel nice to have a few moments to herself. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, hoping her treatment would be over soon. 

 

* * *

 

“You ok?” Chloe asked as she drove them home over an hour later.  “You feeling the effects already?”

“No, I feel fine.” Beca was leaning against the passenger door of the car looking out the window.  She had her hand linked with Chloes, the older girl running her thumb comfortingly over her knuckles.  “I’m just exhausted and my chest hurts from all the coughing and the procedure.”

“It’s been a long day, no wonder you’re exhausted” The younger girl just hummed a response as she continued to look out the window.  “I’ll make you some tea when we get home, that usually helps when you’ve been coughing a lot.”

Beca looked over, giving her wife a small smile and a squeeze of the hand.  She couldn’t believe the change in her wife in just 2 days, Chloe had been a rockstar today, keeping Beca calm and even being the voice of reason at times. Beca knew that Chloe was still scared out of her mind, but it meant more than she could express that her wife was trying to put that all aside so that she could be there for her. “I love you.”

Chloe smiled, a real smile, for the first time all day and just like any other day, it made Beca’s heart soar. “I love you too, sweet girl.”

 

* * *

 

Later that night they found themselves cuddled up on the couch, much like they found themselves most nights. Chloe had her feet propped up on the coffee table, Beca with her head in her wifes lap, sighing contently as the red head played with her hair.  It had been an extremely long day, and they had to do it all over again tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, and the day after.  The whole process seemed daunting to Beca.

“Are you working tomorrow?” the younger girl asked after awhile of content silence. 

“Maybe a little.” Chloe tucked a strand of hair behind Beca’s ear “They have wifi in the lounge where you get your treatment so I may bring my laptop and work from there, if not, it can wait til we get home.”

“You don’t have to come with me everyday. You can stay home and work.”

“You’re not allowed to drive yourself, by the time I got home, I’d just have to turn around and get you again.”

“Maybe Jesse can bring me some days, or I can take a cab or something.  Hell, I’d even ask my dad.”  Beca suggested “I don’t want you to overstretch yourself Chlo.”

“Have you even told Jesse yet, or your dad for that matter?”  Beca averted her eyes, answering the question with that action.  Chloe had been bugging her about that for a few days now and Beca knew she was right.  They deserved to know, she just didn’t know how to tell them. 

“You should tell them.”

“I know, I just – I just don’t want to worry them.” Beca sighed “Jesse is so busy with Aubrey all the time and my dad is trying to salvage his marriage with the step-monster.  They don’t need my drama on top of it.”

Chloe scoffed and rolled her eyes. “It’s not drama Beca, it’s your life.”

“Speaking of telling people stuff” Beca changes the topic to avoid any further guilt “Have you told anyone about baby Beale?”

“That’s completely different” Chloe pouts, “it’s too early.  Trust me, I’d be screaming it from the rooftops if it wasn’t so risky.”

“Have you made a doctors appointment yet?” Beca pestered, she saw Chloe avert her eyes and felt her shift uncomfortably “We’ll make one when we’re at the hospital tomorrow, how about that?”

“Why are you so understanding about everything?” Chloe asked, leaning down and kissing her wife briefly. “You never make me feel selfish or guilty or dramatic when I give you opportunities to every day.”

“Because I know you.” Beca smiled “I know you do the things you do for a reason, and even though I don’t always agree with it, I know that you think it’s what’s right.  Sometimes you just need a little push to get started.”

Chloe just gazed down in awe of her wife, who despite everything she was going through, still made her feel like the most special girl on the planet. 

 

* * *

 

 Chloe rolled over and found the other side of the bed empty, she looked up at the clock groggily, blinking the sleep from her eyes so she could focus on the red numbers in the dark room. _3:28._

“Beca?” Chloe choked, her voice horse from sleep. She pulled the covers back, shivering a bit as the cold air hit her legs as she went in search of her wife. It didn’t take long before she saw the light pouring out from the crack under the bathroom door.  She knocked as she was opening the door “Bec?”

The younger girl was sitting on the floor leaning against the bathtub, looking completely and utterly exhausted. Her face was pale but Chloe could see the sweat pouring off of her.  Without saying a word, the older girl grabbed a washcloth from the vanity and soaked it with cool water, before going over and wiping the sweat from her forehead and wrapping the towel around her neck.  She sat on the edge of the bathtub and rubbed Beca’s shoulders trying to help in any way she could.

“You ok?” Before Beca could answer though, she leaned forward and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. After a few moments, she sat back down and took a swig of the water she had sitting on the floor, before spitting it in the toilet as well.  “How long have you been in here?” 

Beca lolled her head to the side, half looking up at her wife with the little energy she had.  One look in her eyes and Chloe could tell that Beca was mostly out of it. “An hour?  Maybe a little more.” Her voice was horse and cracking. “Chemo sucks.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can’t understand how I tried to explain the catheter, this is a diagram of it here. (http://letsfeelbetter.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Port-A-Cath.jpg) I tried to explain it the best I could, but I know what it is, so I'm not sure I explained it well enough for someone that has no idea.


	4. Chapter 4

“Chloe!” Beca yelled from the front door, keys in her hand.  “Hurry up, we’re gonna be late.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Chloe jogged around the corner, slightly out of breath.  “Sorry, I couldn’t figure out what to wear.”

“To a doctors appointment?” Beca cocked an eyebrow. Chloe had been a mess all morning, it was the day of her first doctors appointment and she was frazzled to say the least.  Beca had tried to calm her down, but her wife was a mixture of giddy excitement and nerves.

“You’re supposed to be supportive here.” Chloe half glared but couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she climbed in the passenger side of the car.  

“I am supportive!” Beca laughed, glancing over at the red head.  “You’re just frantic. It’s cute though, you can pull it off.”

“You’re awfully chipper today.” Chloe looked over at Beca who was smiling and laughing, a sight she had rarely seen in the past few days.

“I’m not chipper, I’m badass” Beca corrected “I’m just a happy badass because one, we’re going to a doctors appointment that isn’t for me, and two, it’s my last day of chemo for this round.”

“You feel ok, though?” Chloe reached over and put her hand on Beca's leg while she drove.  “You’ve been kinda out of it the last few days.”

“I feel a lot better actually.” As if on cue, she started coughing, taking 1 hand off the wheel to cover her mouth. She glanced over at her wife who had the same look she always did when Beca broke into a coughing fit, Chloe just looked sad. “No really, I feel a lot better” Beca continued after a few moments, trying to get the look of joy back on Chloe’s face. “I slept through the night for the first time in a week and I kept those crackers down.”

“It was nice when I woke up in the middle of the night and you were still there.” Chloe smiled, leaning over and kissing Beca on the cheek.   Beca was on her 6th day of chemo, each day had been getting progressively worse until yesterday, when for some reason Beca didn’t feel all that bad. It hurt Chloe so much seeing her wife go from this strong, fiercely independent woman, to someone who came home from the doctor and curled up on the couch for hours. “Bet you’re looking forward to 3 weeks without that crap, huh?”

“You have no idea.” Beca smiled, placing her hand on top of Chloe’s. “I just want some sort of normalcy back, even if it’s just for 3 weeks, ya know?” Chloe just hummed her response, enjoying the fact that Beca was happy for the first time in days.

 

* * *

 

“Because you guys used IVF, we know the _exact_ date that your baby was conceived which makes everything a lot easier for us.” The doctor smiled, her pink scrubs blindingly bright. Beca wasn’t sure if it was because the doctor worked with babies all day, but she was exceedingly happy, almost creepily so.  “You’re just at 3 weeks now, and I’m so glad you came in so early because this is a really critical point in your pregnancy.”

“Critical good?” Chloe asked, the red head was pretty much bouncing in her seat with excitement, Beca sat next to her, her arm wrapped around her wife’s shoulder with an ear to ear grin.  

The doctor laughed a bit before answering, “Yes, critical good.” She turned to her clipboard and pulled off a stack of pamphlets and papers.  “Most women don’t come in until their five or six weeks pregnant, and the sooner you get in, the sooner you’re going to be starting on prenatal vitamins, and screened for potential risk factors…stuff like that.”

“But it’s still too early to see anything right?”

“Unfortunately, yeah.” The doctor frowned for a second, “if we were to do an ultrasound right now, we wouldn’t see anything which in most cases just freaks everyone out.  When you come back in a month we’ll do one for sure. 

Beca scowled down at her watch. She was hoping Chloe’s appointment wouldn’t run as long, but it had taken a long time to get through all the paperwork.  “Hey babe, I’ve got to go upstairs. Are you gonna be ok here without me?”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you up there.” Beca saw the smile leave her wife’s face for a brief moment as she leaned down to kiss her. The timing was awful, having to cut such an exciting appointment short to go get poison pumped into your veins tended to have that effect.

Once the door closed behind Beca, the doctor turned back to Chloe with a confused expression on her face.  “I only ask this because I think it’s relevant, but is everything ok with Beca, there’s not many departments “upstairs” compared to here, and none of them are good?”

Chloe looked down at her hands briefly as she tried to figure out what to say.  She knew it was going to come up sooner or later, but she didn’t feel right outing her wife’s illness without Beca even there. “She’s going through chemo right now. Stage 3 lung cancer.”

The redhead didn’t miss the shock that registered on the doctor’s face, even though she tired to hide it.  “Well thank you for letting me know.  It’s actually good that you told me because there are some precautions that you should probably take.  Is she going through radiation treatments?”

“They said she may need some, but it’s her 1st round still so they’re waiting to see how it responds.”

“Ok, well just keep me updated.” The doctor’s voice was softer, sympathetic.  “If anything changes with her treatment, I need you to let me know.”

 

* * *

 

“So how have you been feeling?” Dr. Harold asked. He had stopped by while Beca was having her treatment, this being the 1st time she’d seen him in almost a week.  “I know the first round can be a bit of an adjustment, but hopefully you’re not feeling too bad.”

“I don’t know.” Beca started, “It hasn’t been great, but I’ve managed.”

“I need a little more than that to go off of Beca.” He gave a half laugh, his attempt at lightening the mood.

“I’ve been really tired and nauseous, it’s felt more like the flu than anything.” Beca started, before being interrupted by a round of coughing. “I think I expected it to be a lot worse, I read about a lot of people that weren’t strong enough to get out of bed or move around the house and stuff like that.”

He nodded, jotting something down on his notepad. “I don’t want to scare you, but that will most likely happen, probably during your next round.” Beca nodded for him to continue.  “You seem like you’ve done a fair bit of research but I’m going to explain it to you anyway.  Chemotherapy is basically killing you and saving you at the same time. It kills off the bad cells, but it kills off the good ones in the process.  Right now, since you just started, your immune system is fighting off the therapy, but pretty soon it won’t be able to do that anymore and that’s when you’ll really start feeling it.”

“So that’s why there’s the 3 week break?”

“Yep, it gives your immune system a little bit of a recovery so that it can keep you going for the next round.”

“It kind of sounds absolutely terrible when you put it that way.”  Beca gave a nervous laugh before breaking into a coughing fit that took several minutes to pass. The doctor looked over at her with a worried glance, at the same time that Chloe walked in.  “Is there anything you can give me for this cough, or even just to keep my chest from feeling like it’s going to explode all the time?” Chloe came over and gave Beca a chaste kiss before sitting down and saying a friendly hello to the doctor.

“I’ll put in a prescription for an inhaler, it’ll be waiting for you at the hospital pharmacy downstairs when you’re done here.” He jotted something else down on his notepad, Beca hated that. “It’s not going to help with the cough, nothing will, but it should ease the pain in your chest.”

“Thanks.” The doctor shook both of their hands before getting up and walking over to another patient of his that was also getting their treatment.  Beca looked over at her wife and started grinning again, remembering their appointment earlier. “So what happened after I left? Anything exciting?”

“Nothing really, you didn’t miss much.” Chloe giggled. Beca’s excitement made the redhead’s spirits soar.  Beca wasn’t one for showing emotions, but her unbridled joy over anything that had to do with their child made Chloe’s heart do funny things.  “She just gave me a prescription for some vitamins and told me to eat healthy and stuff.”

Beca nodded, giving Chloe’s hand a squeeze. “Sorry I had to leave early, I really wanted to be able to stay but…you know…”

“I know Bec, don’t worry about it.” Chloe let go of Beca's hand to go digging through her bag for something. Ever since Beca’s 2nd treatment, Chloe had started carrying a huge oversized beach tote full of everything they could possibly need to pass the time.  Beca’s laptop and headphones were in it, some books, phone chargers, even a deck of cards; Beca was always surprised to see what Chloe was going to pull out of it.  After a few moments searching, she pulled out a bottle of raspberry lemonade, Beca's favorite. “I got this for you on my way up here.”

“What do you not have in there, Mary Poppins?” Beca laughed, taking the bottle off of her wife’s hand and taking a swig. “Thanks for this, by the way. I think the sugar helps.”

“Do you want your laptop?  You haven’t had that much time to work on you mixes lately.”

“Nah” Beca smiled, she would never be able to find a way to explain to her wife how appreciative she was of all the things that she was doing for her.  Chloe had gone in full on caretaker mode without Beca even really needing her to, and while her hovering sometimes grated on her nerves, she appreciated it nonetheless. “I think I just want to talk to you for a while.  I’ve missed you.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere Bec.” Chloe laughed, looking at her wife with a confused expression on her face.

“I know, but like – I don’t know, we’ve been so preoccupied with doctors appointments and reading up on every possible treatment and freaking ourselves out, we haven’t really talked in awhile.” Beca lifted Chloe’s hand and brought it to her lips.  “How are you doing Chlo?”

“I’m doing ok.” Chloe smiled “It’s been a weird week or so, but we’re managing.”

“You’ve been amazing, ya know that?”

“Doesn’t feel like it.” Chloe frowned a little bit “I haven’t been able to do much to help you besides just sit with you. I wish there was more I could do.”

“That’s more than enough Chlo.” Beca shifted in her seat so that she was facing her wife.  “I know this is all really hard for you and I promise, I’ll make it up to you.”

“You don’t have to make it up to me, Bec” Chloe laughed, “there’s no where that I’d rather be than with you.  I mean – yeah sometimes I’d rather our dates didn’t involve high doses of chemotherapy, but ‘sickness and health’ and all that jazz.”

“You didn’t know what you were getting into when you married me.” Beca giggled a little bit, causing her to cough. She doubled over as the coughing wracked her body for a few moments while Chloe dutifully rubbed her back and offered her the bottle of lemonade.  “That’s getting really old” Beca grumbled when she sat up. 

“I know it is.” Chloe soothed, still rubbing Beca's back as her breathing returned to normal.  “Beca, you’re bleeding!” the shriek from the redhead got everyone’s attention, including a nurse who was nearby and quickly came over. Beca looked down, and she was in fact bleeding a little bit around where the needle went under her skin.  Before she could really react, the nurse was taking the IV out and applying pressure.

“You just yanked on your line a little bit, no biggie.” After a few minutes, she reinserted the IV and walked on to see other patients. 

“Chlo – breathe” Beca laughed, “It’s not a big deal.” Chloe glared at her wife, but Beca could tell by the redness in her face that her wife was a little bit embarrassed at her reaction.

“Oh hush” Chloe huffed “It looked a lot worse than it was.  Forgive me for being worried.”

“I appreciate your concern” Beca laughed, leaning over and kissing Chloe on the cheek. “Do you need to get some work done? I can find something to occupy myself.”

“I’ll do it later.” Chloe reached over and fixed Beca’s shirt, which was precariously low from when the nurse came over. “I’m thinking about taking about maybe having the IT guys from work come and wire the office so that I can fully work from home and not have to go into the office for anything.”

“You’re allowed to do that?” Chloe worked for a pharmaceutical company and a lot of her work was considered confidential. As it was, there were only certain things she could do from home, things that required a lower level clearance.

“Yeah, they’d just have to come and put in a secure Internet line or something like that.” She explained “I feel bad because a lot of the work has fallen on my co-workers lately, but I need to be home right now. I think this could be a good solution.”

“You don’t _always_ have to stay home with me babe.” Beca smiled, she knew it was falling on deaf ears though.  “I mean, this is the last day of chemo for 3 weeks so you can go back to the office for a little while.”

“Yeah, but when I’m home I make much better use of my lunch break.” The older girl wagged her eyebrow suggestively, causing her wife to turn a bright shade of pink before playfully swatting at Chloe’s arm. “I’m kidding! – Kinda.”

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Chloe found herself leaning on the doorframe smiling while she watched her wife’s head bob up and down while she worked at her computer. The big Beats headphones cancelling out any noise that she made, making Beca completely oblivious to the fact that her wife was standing there.  Chloe loved watching Beca work, but she rarely got the opportunity.  Beca always said it put too much pressure on her, but the way that she was able to shut everything else out and be completely enveloped in music was something that Chloe always enjoyed witnessing. 

Chloe walked across the room and caused Beca to jump when she wrapped her arms around Beca from behind, placing a sweet kiss on her neck.  “Whatcha working on?” Chloe asked, gazing over at the computer but unable to decipher the music waves on the screen. 

“Just messing around.” Beca pulled her headphones off and placed a tender kiss on Chloe’s wrist, placing her hands on top of Chloe’s.  “I haven’t had the energy to work on these for a few days, I missed it.”

“Have you talked to the studio yet?” Chloe asked, letting go so the Beca could spin her chair around.  The younger girl grabbed Chloe’s hand and pulled her wife down into her lap and wrapping her arms around her before spinning the chair around, around making her wife laugh uncontrollably. 

“Beca!” Chloe shrieked, wrapping her arms around Beca’s neck so that she wouldn’t fly off.  The younger girl kept spinning them for a few minutes until they were both breathless from laughing.  Chloe leaned her head against her wife’s chest while she caught her breath, still giggling a little to herself.  “What was that about?”

Beca shrugged, a bright smile crossing her face. “I gotta keep you on your toes.”

“You’re a weirdo.” Chloe deadpanned, trying to keep a straight face before she again started laughing. “Where the hell did I find you?”

“If I remember correctly – “ Beca leaned her head back, acting like she was in deep thought, “you jumped me in the shower and made me sing with you.”

“You’re never gonna let that go are you?”

“Mmmm – probably not.” Beca poked her wife in the side, causing the redhead to jump up out of her lap, allowing Beca to stand up and wrap her wife in a hug.  “I’m gonna go make a sandwich for lunch, you want one?”

“Sure, I’ll come with you, then maybe I can get you to tell me why you keep changing the subject whenever I bring up the studio?” Chloe was half joking, but at the same time she really wasn’t. She’d asked Beca a few times in the past couple days and Beca always finds a way to change the subject. The younger girl just sighed and averted her eyes while she followed Chloe downstairs.

 

* * *

 

“You want to talk about it?” Chloe asked as she took a bite of her sandwich.  They were sitting on the back porch, enjoying the LA sunshine.  “I’m not gonna freak out, I promise.”  She looked over at her wife who was absently staring out at the trees in front of them. “Bec, come on, talk to me.” 

Beca took a sip of her drink before leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes, letting the sun wash over her. “I don’t want to tell them.” Her voice was quiet, almost as if she were embarrassed to say it.

Chloe took a deep breath, Beca being stubborn was nothing new, it was one of her most obvious features, but usually even she knew when she needed to relent.  “How do you plan on doing that?” Sometimes letting Beca talk it out was better than pressuring her. 

“I mean –“ Beca started, following a bird with her eyes.  “I work from home and I make my own hours…”

“But you still have deadlines, Bec” Chloe reminded her “and you have to go into the studio whenever one of your projects is recording.”

“I can meet deadlines.” Beca's voice had taken an edge, still refusing to look over at her wife. “I’m not an invalid.”

“Hey!” Chloe snapped, “don’t put words in my mouth.”

They finished their lunch in silence, both not wanting to press the subject anymore than they already had. Chloe stood up and cleared their plates, silently placing a kiss on the top of Beca’s head before she left her wife on the porch to have some space.  Beca didn’t like being coddled, Chloe knew that, anyone who spent 5 minutes with her knew that, but sometimes she was too stubborn for her own good.

She grabbed her laptop and sat down on the couch, she was about a week behind on work, even with 2 days of no doctor’s appointments under their belts, and she still had an overwhelming amount of catch-up to play. From her spot, she could see Beca curled up in her chair on the porch, her knees up to her chest her head rested on her arm.  It went against every instinct in Chloe’s to leave her alone, if the roles were reversed she would want Beca comforting her, pestering her to talk care of herself, but she knew that Beca was the opposite.  Beca liked space.

Chloe gave up after an hour, her mind constantly drifting back to her wife who was still balled up in the sun. Chloe got up and grabbed some sunscreen off the counter before going back outside, placing it on the table next to Beca.  “If you’re gonna stay out here, at least put this on.”

She went to go back inside, Beca’s hand quickly grabbed her wrist, stopping her from moving towards the door.  She looked down at her wife, only to see tears in the soft blue eyes that she had fallen in love with.  “I’m sorry.”

Chloe didn’t say anything; instead she picked up the sunscreen and squeezed some of it into her hands before rubbing it on Beca’s shoulders, moving aside the neck of her wife’s tank top to make sure she got everywhere.  When she was finished, she wiped her hands on her jeans before sitting on small coffee table across from Beca’s chair and taking hold of both of her wife’s hands. “You ok?”

Beca barely shook her head, but it was enough to start the tears falling down her face.  She tried to brush them back but they were falling faster than she could stop them, she soon gave up and just buried her face in her hands. Chloe placed her hands on her wife’s knees, giving a reassuring squeeze while she let Beca fall apart, knowing there was nothing that she could possibly do. 

“I hate this!” Beca gasped after a few minutes, her tears slowing, but still falling at a steady pace as she looked at her wife. “It’s not fair!”

Chloe sighed, she had been waiting for this breakdown, but she wasn’t sure if Beca would even let her see it if and when it happened. “It’s not fair –“ Chloe got up and moved to sit on the arm of Beca’s chair, wrapping a protective arm around her wife, who in turn, sunk into her side.  “Nothing about this is fair.”

“I’m not a bad person –“ Beca continued before more tears cut her off “I don’t smoke, I don’t drink that much, I just mix music and watch Netflix and hang out with my wife.  Why is this happening to me?”

“I don’t know baby.” Chloe soothed, running her arm up and down Beca’s, trying to comfort her. “I would give anything in the world to change it.”  The younger girl took a few minutes to collect herself before leaning back and facing her wife.

“I know I need to tell them.” She began, squinting against the sun “I just – I know they’re going to start reassigning my projects and” Chloe reached over and wiped a stray tear off of her wife’s face while she waited for her to continue “ and - right now the only time I feel remotely normal is when I’m mixing music.”

“Nothing will ever stop you from mixing music Bec.” The older girl brushed some hair out of her wife’s face before cupping her cheek in her hand. “You job doesn’t dictate that.  I just worry you’re going to put too much pressure on yourself to get mixes done when you should be resting.”

“I just want everything to go back to the way it was.” Beca’s shoulder slumped as she again leaned into Chloe’s side, allowing herself to be held. The older girl didn’t know what to do for her wife, the only thing she _could_ do was be there but that didn’t seem like it was nearly enough. In the time she’d known Beca, Chloe had never seen her this emotional, not when her mom had a heart attack a few years earlier, or when she was in a pretty bad car accident back in college. Almost by rule, Beca didn’t really allow herself to be vulnerable, but here she was, completely losing it in her wife’s arms.  


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter so far. it's A LOT lighter than the last few have been. Enjoy.

Beca grabbed her phone off her desk and scrolled through her contacts while she spun around in her chair.  She’d been working on a new mix all morning, getting frustrated by her inability to get the hook just the way she wanted it. She’d been staring at her computer so long she thought she was going to go insane.  It only took her a few moments to find the number she was looking for and waited for an answer on the other end.

“Hey, you.” Chloe answered, Beca could almost hear the smile on her wife’s face.  The older girl had been going to the office the last few days in order to catch up on her work, claiming she got distracted too much at home.  She’d been working late as well, and Beca missed her wife. “I haven’t heard from you all day.”

“This mix is kicking my ass.” Beca whined, using her free hand to push off the desk and spin faster.  She leaned her head back and groaned a little bit, letting her frustration escape.  “I know what I want it to sound like, I just can’t get it there.”

“You will, Bec.” Chloe assured her. Beca could hear her wife typing on the other end, mentally envisioning the redhead with the phone propped between her ear and her shoulder while she worked.  “You always seem to make it work, maybe you need take a little break.”

“I just took a break not too long ago.” Beca complained “I just need to get this finished, it’s driving me insane.”

“Take 10 minutes, babe. Do something that will take your mind off of it.” Chloe was insistent, and Beca knew she was probably right.  “I know you Bec, you probably spent your entire break thinking about the mix.”

The younger girl chuckled, knowing that her wife knew her too well.  She sat spinning in her chair for a few moments before an idea came to her.  “So Chlo – what are you wearing?”

“Black slacks and a white button – “ Chloe began before stopping abruptly, the typing on the other end ceasing as well. “Wait, why?”

“Just wondering which of your clothes I’m going to be peeling off of you later.”

“Beca!” Chloe gasped, “I’m at work!”

“Which is super unfortunate at the moment.” Beca knew that her wife’s face was probably turning as red as her hair, but she really enjoyed teasing her wife.  “What time are you coming home, I have a surprise for you.”

“What kind of surprise?” Chloe sounded both skeptical and excited at the same time.  Beca was going to enjoy this.

“Don’t worry babe, you’ll keep your clothes on.” She responded, “Well, at least for the first part.”

“You’re a mean, mean woman.” Chloe complained. “I’ll be home at like 4:30 probably, I’m almost done here anyway.”

“Oh, you’ll be home early – maybe the 1st part doesn’t involve clothes after all.” The younger girl chuckled. She took way too much joy in making her wife blush, even if she couldn’t see it.

“Beca!”

“Ok, ok, I’ll let you get back to work.” Beca smiled, as she sighed contently to herself. “Don’t be late though, I’ve got big plans for us tonight.”

“I’ll see you soon Beca.”

 

* * *

 

“We have to get up.” Beca whispered, placing a kiss on Chloe’s forehead and pushing the sheet aside.  Before she could get up though, her wife tightened her grip on her, pulling her impossibly closer and nuzzling her head into the crook of Beca’s neck.   “We can resume this later, I promise.” 

“uh-uh” Chloe hummed, her fingers ghosting the expanse of Beca’s bare stomach, causing goose bumps to erupt under her hands. “I like this, I don’t wanna move.”

“We have reservations though.” Beca turned on her side so she was face to face with her wife, their noses almost touching. The younger girl smiled at the sight of her wife, red hair splayed out over the pillow, a kiss of red on her cheeks and a sleepy smile on her face.  “Tonight is gonna be special.”

“Let’s just stay here.” Chloe whispered, leaning forward and kissing Beca.  It was brief, and deep and was able to convey everything that she was feeling. For a little while, she didn’t even think it had been an hour, she was able to forget everything they had going on in their lives and just be happy and content.  “I’ve missed you.  I’ve missed this.”

Beca cocked her eyebrow, a smirk crossing her face. “Snuggling naked? We can do that every night if you want. I have no objections.”

“That’s not what I was talking about.”

“oh.” Beca leaned impossibly closer, her lips brushing against her wife’s. “So you’re talking about the part where my head was between your legs and you were screaming my name?”

Chloe nodded, closing the gap between their mouths again.  Their lips danced together for a few minutes before they need to break for air, Beca turning her face to the side, a few coughs escaping.  Before Beca knew what was happening, she was being pushed onto her back and her wife was straddling her hips.  The younger girl’s breath hitched as she looked up at her wife.

“On second thought, I think we should stay here.” Chloe nodded in agreement before leaning down and capturing her wife’s lips again.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Beca woke up to an empty bed. This wouldn’t be particularly unusual, for a normal day as Chloe was always an early riser, but usually Saturday mornings were spent cuddling and watching TV in bed.  They’d been known to spend entire days in bed, just cuddling together only leaving for quick excursions to the kitchen for sustenance. Beca crawled out from under the covers, grabbing some sweatpants off a chair in the corner and a discarded shirt off the floor before going to look for her wife. 

Beca expected to find Chloe in the kitchen eating breakfast, surprised when the red head wasn’t there with a bowl of cereal in front of her, in fact, it didn’t look like Chloe had been in the kitchen at all. She turned around to go back up stairs and check Chloe’s office, when she heard a noise coming from down the hall and went to investigate.

“Chlo, you ok?” Beca asked, knocking on the door to the bathroom.  She was a little confused as to why Chloe would come all the way downstairs to use the bathroom, but didn’t get a chance to ask before she heard her wife getting sick on the other side.  She quickly opened the door to find her wife getting up from the floor and sticking her head under the sink faucet to rinse out her mouth. 

Chloe gave a halfhearted smile when she saw the panic on Beca’s face, trying to alleviate the younger girls fears. “Don’t worry Bec, it’s just morning sickness.”

“Are you sure?” Beca asked quickly, the concern prevalent in her voice. “Maybe we should go to the doctor just in case.”

“It’s happened everyday this week, Bec.” Chloe wiped her face on a towel and passed Beca in the doorway, pausing to kiss her on the cheek before going down the hall towards the kitchen. “I’m fine don’t worry.”

“You’re sure though?” Beca frantically asked again as she scampered down the hall after her wife.  “Maybe we should just call the doctor, you know, cover our bases.”

“Do you want pancakes?” the older girl asked, ignoring her wife’s persistent worries while pulling a box of mix out of the pantry and placing a large pan on the stove.  She grabbed some milk and a mixing bowl and started making the batter.

“You didn’t answer my question…”

“I’m fine, Beca.” Chloe looked up with a smile on her face, both amused and appreciative of her wife’s concern. “Now you answer mine so I know how much I need to make.”

“Chloe, I’d really feel better if we talked –“

“Beca - ” Chloe interrupted her, the smirk still playing on her lips. “Pancakes?”

“Of course I want pancakes, stop changing the subject.” Chloe added a bit more mix and milk to the bowl, before heating the pan on the stove.  Beca sat down in one of the stools at the counter with a huff, her chin resting on her hands as she watched Chloe make breakfast. “I still think we should call the doctor.”

“I already did…” Chloe mentioned, adding 2 ladles full of batter to the pan, making large circles “…4 days ago when it started.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s not a big deal.” She walked across the kitchen and grabbed a small bowl out of the cabinet and poured some maple syrup in it before placing it in the microwave to warm up.  She then grabbed 2 plates, setting 1 on the counter in front of Beca and the other in front of the empty stool beside her wife.  “As cute as it is to see you concerned, I knew you’d freak out for no reason.  Thanks for proving me right, by the way.”

Beca furrowed her brow in fake anger, watching as Chloe deftly flipped the pancakes.  The microwave beeped and she slid off her chair to go get the syrup, hissing a little at how hot the bowl got as she quickly placed it on the counter. “OJ or milk?”

“Coffee.”

“Nice try, Chlo.” Beca opened the refrigerator and pulled out the bottle of orange juice and poured herself a glass. The doctor had told Chloe that it was ok for her to have 1 cup of coffee a day during her pregnancy, but having read too many internet articles the women decided against it anyway, Beca withholding as well in solidarity. Chloe, who normally nursed a 3-cup a day habit, had made it well known over the past 2 weeks that she was not enjoying the lack of coffee in her routine. “OJ or milk?”

“Do we have anything else?” Beca scanned the contents of the refrigerator, having to move a few takeout boxes to find the various bottles.

“We have about a gulp of cranberry juice and some mango V8?” Beca quickly check the expiration dates to make sure they hadn’t been living in the back of the fridge for too long. 

“I guess V8 then.” Beca poured her a glass and set on the counter next to the empty plate.  “Why did you leave a gulp of cranberry juice?  Why didn’t you just finish it off?”

“You know I don’t drink that stuff.” Beca playfully scoffed, hopping up onto her stool again as Chloe slid the first 2 pancakes onto the plate in front of her wife and refilling the pan with 2 more. “Trying to blame me for our overflowing refrigerator.  I’m insulted.”

“I don’t drink it either.” Chloe laughed, a soft smile on her face. “and you’re the one who always gets a doggy bag whenever we go out to eat and then never actually eats the leftovers, so yes, I’m blaming you.”

“Fair enough.” Beca again slid off her stool and walked over to the refrigerator, pulling half empty takeout boxes out and tossing them in the trash. 

“You don’t have to do that now.” Chloe laughed, closing the fridge and wrapping Beca in a warm hug.  Beca quickly nuzzled her face into the crook of Chloe’s neck, knotting her hands in the back of Chloe’s much oversized flannel shirt, causing one side to slide down the red heads shoulder.  “Good morning by the way.”

“G’morning.” Beca mumbled, placing a kiss on Chloe’s exposed collarbone before righting her wife’s shirt. After a few moments, Chloe tried to untangle herself from the embrace, only to have Beca hold tighter.

“I have to flip my pancakes.” She laughed, kissing Beca’s temple before turning back to the stove.  “You smell good, by the way.”

“I probably smell like you.”

“Well that would explain it.” Chloe giggled little bit, grabbing her glass of juice and taking a big gulp. “Did you ever get that mix you were working on yesterday figured out?” Beca let out a long dramatic groan from her perch on her stool.  “Well I guess that answers that.”

“It’s a mash-up.” Beca explained. “3 songs, and they all have the same key and tempo but for some reason they’re not flowing together well. It’s like I forgot how to do them.”

“You used to make mash-ups all the time.” Chloe cocked an eyebrow in confusion.  When they had met 8 years earlier, that was pretty much all Beca did, even skipping class to work on her music.  A producer her senior year had steered her in a different direction though. Chloe wasn’t gonna lie, she missed the mash-ups, they were such a big part of her college experience.  

“I haven’t really worked on them in years though.” The younger girl let out a big sigh before continuing. “I’ve been so busy producing artists original songs.”

“You’ll figure it out.” Chloe slid the last 2 pancakes out of the pan and onto her place, turning off the stove and taking the stool next to her wife.  “You’re really good at what you do Bec, you’ll work it out.”

Beca hummed her displeasure as she poured in ungodly amount of syrup over her pancakes before handing the bowl over to her wife. They ate in silence for a few minutes, enjoying their calm Saturday morning.

“You feel ok?” Beca asked, her voice light with curiosity more than concern.  “I mean, I guess you do, if you’re eating.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Chloe used the side of her fork to break off a piece of her breakfast and put it in her mouth. “I really only don’t feel well for like 2 minutes and then I’m good again.”

“Why’d you come all the way downstairs?” the younger girl glanced sideways while she ran her forkful of pancakes through the puddle of syrup. 

“Didn’t want to wake you up.” Chloe said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  “You looked really cute this morning, and I know you still haven’t been sleeping well even though you’ve been done with chemo for a while.”

Beca didn’t ask how Chloe new that. She hadn’t been getting up to get sick in almost 2 weeks, but she still woke up in the middle of the night and just lay awake in bed for hours.  She chose not to ask about it though, Chloe just had a way of knowing that stuff. “I could have like – held your hair or something.  It’s the least I could do after how great you’ve been with me.”

“It’s not a big deal, Bec.”   Chloe assured her, reaching over and giving her wife’s leg a gentle squeeze.  “Morning sickness is normal, and it’s not that bad. Next week when you start chemo again we can share a puke bucket if it’ll make you feel better.”

“That’s gross.” The redhead just shrugged and impaled a small piece of pancake with her fork.  They fell into a calm and comfortable silence, just easing their way into the day.

 

* * *

 

Beca was laying on the bed, propped up on her elbow watching Chloe clean the room.  She had offered to help, but Chloe had insisted that her ‘helping’ usually just caused a bigger mess and relegated her to the bed. The younger girl took her phone out from her back pocket and snapped a quick photo of her wife when she wasn’t looking, smiling at the way the light from the window framed her face. 

“You better not be looking at porn.” Chloe joked, raising an eyebrow as she watched her wife smile down at her phone. The older girl walked over and briefly glanced at Beca’s phone knowing her wife had a precarious habit of taking candid pictures of her.  “Ew, gross. Don’t post that.”

“Too late.”

“You suck.  I haven’t showered in 2 days and my hair is a mess.” Beca smile just grew, her wife was really picky about pictures being taken of herself, unless she was in full makeup, a decent outfit and her hair was immaculate, she didn’t like them. The younger girl on the other hand, thought Chloe looked most beautiful when she was more comfortable, Chloe was still wearing her oversized shirt and her red hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, not a stitch of cosmetics on her face. “Lemme get a better look at it at least.”

Beca pulled up Instagram and turned the phone so that Chloe could see it better, she hadn’t used a filter, but the way the light was playing off of the shadows in the room, it was actually a decent picture. The caption underneath simply said, ‘my world.’

“You’re such a softy.” Chloe teased with a content smile on her face.  She grabbed a pile of laundry off the foot of the bed and tossing it in a basket before moving on to her next task.  “You don’t like people to know that, but you’re a totally a mush ball.”

“I’m not a softy.” Beca scowled “I’m badass.”

“Whatever you say, babe.”

Beca sat there, passively watching her wife and scrolling through her phone. She landed on the one of the handful of baby apps she’d downloaded in the last few weeks, it’s opening screen a photo of a very pregnant women’s belly.  She looked up at her wife again, Chloe was now cleaning off the top of their dresser which was littered with a few weeks worth random things.

“Hey Chlo,” Beca had her phone pointed at her wife again, ready to snap another picture.  “Can you lift your shirt up for me?”

“Beca Mitchell!” The older girl stopped what she was doing and turned around, a look of shock on her face, Beca could see a little bit of amusement on her features as well though.  “We’re not in college anymore, this is not ‘Girls Gone Wild’.”

The younger girl just rolled her eyes, getting off the bed so she could get a better angle.  “Not all the way up.” Beca gently positioned her wife so that she was facing sideways, the light green wall of their bedroom acting as a backdrop. “I want to get a picture of your belly, I’m gonna take one every week so we can see our baby grow.”

Chloe smiled and obliged to her wife’s request, lifting her shirt up to show off her still very flat stomach. Beca backed up, taking a seat on the edge of the bed to get a better angle.  “You can’t post it yet.”

“I know.” Beca lowered her phone and skimmed through the handful of pictures she’d just taken.  “I can’t wait to tell everyone though, I’m so excited.”

Chloe walked over and sat down sideways on her wife’s lap, taking hold of the phone as Beca wrapped her arms around her waist. The older girl flipped through the pictures, the smile on her face growing impossibly bigger before tossing the phone on the bed and turning to her wife “You’re - ” kiss “such - ” kiss “a - ” kiss “freaking - ” kiss “softy.”  

“Maybe a little.” Beca agreed, before Chloe gently pushed her onto her back, crawling on top of her and again captured the younger girls lips with hers.


	6. Chapter 6

Beca let out a long, dramatic sigh catching the attention of her wife who was sitting next to her reading a book. The red head cocked an eyebrow, turning to face Beca who was once again sitting in the hospital hooked up to her chemotherapy.  “Something you want to get off your chest?”

“I’m bored.” Beca whined.  They’d been at the hospital for a few hours, going through the necessary appointments before Beca could start her second round of treatment. The younger girl had already tried distracting herself with her laptop and her phone, but nothing could keep her attention for some reason.  “You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but nope, it’s still ungodly boring.”

“Bag is almost empty.” Chloe noted, motioning with her head towards the IV bag that was hanging next to her wife. “Shouldn’t be much longer.”

“Thank God.”

Chloe playfully rolled her eyes and turned back to her book, it wasn’t long before a hand covered the page, preventing her from reading anymore.  She tried to hide an amused smile as she once again looked up at her wife.  “Can I help you?”

“Entertain me!” Beca whined, sticking out her bottom lip in faux pouting.  Chloe couldn’t help but let a small laugh escape her mouth as she watched the antics of her oddly hyper wife.

“And exactly how do you expect me to do that?” Chloe asked, a skeptical look crossing her features but not diminishing the amusement she felt.  “We’re in a hospital full of sick people.”

“I’m one of those sick people, ” Beca stubbornly pointed out “I deserve to be entertained!”

“I can go see if there’s a clown on the kids floor if you want…” The red head chuckled when Beca scowled at her. The younger girl wasn’t afraid of much, but clowns topped the list.  She found them creepy and didn’t trust anyone who liked them. 

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I don’t know, could be fun.” Chloe mused, tilting her head to the side feigning deep thought.  “When Jesse and Aubrey had a clown come for Jack’s birthday I thought you were going to lose it.  It was pretty entertaining to watch.”

“You’re cruel!”

“Watch this kid love clowns.” Chloe laughed, leaning back and placing a hand on her stomach, making Beca smile. “You’re gonna be screwed then.”

“We’ll raise them better than that.” Beca assured her wife.  “That’d be like us having a kid grow up and liking Justin Bieber, not gonna happen.” Chloe grimaced at the thought.

“You’re going to be one of those overbearing mothers that checks your kids iPod to make sure all the music is acceptable aren’t you?”

“Yes.” Beca assured her with a smile “But not for the same reasons as the other overbearing mothers.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I prefer ‘concerned parent’”

 

* * *

 

“Hey Bec?” Chloe asked quietly as she sat on the edge of the bed.  Her wife was bundled under the blankets, half awake, her body almost convulsing with shivers. “You need anything?”

“I – I’m so cold.” She gasped, her words shaking. She pulled the blankets up higher, almost completely covering her face.  “It’s never been this bad.  Wha - what is happening?”

Chloe looked down at her wife sadly, it was finally getting to the point where Beca couldn’t deny that she was sick anymore. She was 4 days into her 2nd round and the side effects were progressively getting worse. Everyday they’d get home and Beca would be fine for an hour or so and then it was like a switch flipped and she was sick and shivering and barely able to hold herself up. It usually lasted a few hours, and then she would be a bit better in the evening after sleeping away the afternoon.

The red head reached over and smoothed out her wife’s hair, trying to bring comfort even if she knew it was comforting her more than her wife.  “They did say it was gonna get worse.”

“I could de–deal with the other pa-parts getting worse.” The younger girl paused to catch her breath and pull herself into an impossibly smaller ball. “The cold though, this fu-fucking sucks.”

Chloe pulled back the blankets, getting a small gasp from her wife as the cold air of the room washed over her, and climbed in, enveloping her wife in her arms.  Beca tucked her face under Chloe’s chin and allowed herself to be held, reveling in the warmth of Chloe’s body heat.  The red head was shocked by how violent the shivering was, trying her hardest to keep her arms locked around her wife as she mumbled assurances into the brown hair. After what felt like an eternity, the shaking started to diminish, leaving only occasional shudders form the small brunette.  “You ok?”

Beca nods, her entire body sore from the shivering and she was more tired than she had been in a long time. She nuzzled closer to her Chloe, grabbing hold of the front of her wife’s shirt and silently hoping that the red head would just hold her for a while.  Beca was never much of a snuggler, much to Chloe’s distain, but all she wanted right now was for her wife to hold her and make her feel like she was ok. She uncurled from her ball, stretching out her legs and tangling them with Chloe’s while she pulled her ever closer. The older girl seemed to understand as she again smoothed out Beca’s hair and placed a brief but firm kiss on her forehead.  “I’ve got you Bec.”

 

* * *

“How do I look?” Beca had just stepped out of the bathroom, wearing socially acceptable clothes for the first time in a few days. She’d been in there for close to half an hour, spending more time in front of the mirror than Chloe could ever recall.  The red head didn’t make a big deal out of it because she knew how nervous her wife was. 

“Stunning, as always.”  Chloe set her book down on the nightstand and got up from where she was relaxing on the bed, wrapping her wife in a warm hug. She knew that if Beca looked her in the eye too long, she’d realize that her wife was not being completely honest. Beca was pale, even by her own milky standards and the bags under her eyes looked scarily close to bruises. Worst of all though, Beca’s eyes lacked the spark that they usually had, they were just empty. The older girl leaned back and pressed a kiss into her wife’s forehead, getting a mumble of appreciation out of the young brunette. “You sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

Beca considered the offer, as she had every time over the past few days that Chloe had proposed it, but shook her head, just like she did every time.  “I think this is something I have to do on my own.”

“If you’re sure.” Beca again nodded and then lifted her head, briefly kissing her wife before letting go of their embrace.

“I shouldn’t be gone for too long.” The younger girl said, sitting on the edge of the bed to tie her shoes. “Any big plans for while I’m gone?”

“Besides starting a drug cartel?” Beca looked up and playfully rolled her eyes at her wife before returning to her other shoe. Her hands were shaky, making the task harder than it should be.  “I’ll probably just get some work done.  Break in the new office and stuff.”

“You’re really loving that aren’t you?” the younger girl smirked, standing up and taking a second to let the vertigo dissipate, she saw Chloe’s concerned look but ignored it. 

“Well, I can now do every aspect of my job in my pajamas.” Chloe pointed out, grabbing one of Beca’s zip up hoodies off of the dresser and tossing it at her wife. “So yeah, I like it.”

“You know, you don’t have to even bother with the pajamas.” The red head rolled her eyes at the wink that followed, then grabbed her book and followed her wife downstairs.  “You know, it’s July Chlo, I don’t need a jacket.”

“Ya never know.”  Chloe wasn’t gonna push it, but she also knew there was a good chance that Beca would become uncomfortably cold at some point; it was pretty predictable at this point. Beca didn’t push it, knowing that Chloe was probably right.  She grabbed her keys off the table and headed towards the door, Chloe following and giving her a quick kiss.  “Call me if you need anything.”

Beca just gave her an assuring nod and walked out the door. 

 

* * *

 

The hostess led Beca towards the back of the restaurant, not that she needed a guide since it was the same table they always sat at. Her stomach was in knots, not really ready for the tough conversation that she knew was coming. 

“Hey Beca.” Her dad smiled, standing up from the table and giving her an awkward hug before they sat down.  Their relationship was a lot better than it had been in the past, they talked on a semi-regular basis, got lunch every once in awhile, some of which was actually initiated by Beca herself.  Most of the growth in their relationship was Chloe’s doing, she pestered Beca into letting her dad be more involved and eventually Beca realized that he wasn’t the terrible villain that she had believed him to be.

“Hey dad.” Beca plastered a smile on her face, ignoring the flips her stomach was making.  “How have you been?”

“I’ve been great!” He replied enthusiastically “I started teaching a new class, I’m trying it out for the summer session to see if I can get the hang of it before the fall semester.”

“What?!” Beca was surprised; her father lived and breathed Comparative Literature, having sworn in the past that he had no desire to every teaching anything else.  “Look at you, broadening your horizons.”

“I figured it was never too late to teach an old dog new tricks.” He laughed bashfully, Beca smiled in return, enjoying seeing her dad happy.  He’d been struggling with Sheila lately and he had been a little down their last few visits. “I didn’t think I’d ever really be interested in teaching something else, but it’s a graduate level Victorian Literature class, it’s really very stimulating.”

Beca smiled again, shaking her head and letting out a small laugh. “That sounds overwhelmingly boring.”

“You never did really like writing or literature.” He responded with a chuckle, “You always took after your mother like that, academia was never your passion.”

“Let’s be real here dad, I only went to college because you made me.”

“You can’t still be angry about that…”

“Oh I’m not, I wouldn’t have Chloe without Barden, worth every penny you spent dad.” She couldn’t hold back a smile then, which her father returned.  She knew that he loved seeing her happy, he had always been very supportive of her relationship with Chloe, even loaning her the money she needed to get the red head a ring.

“How is my favorite daughter-in-law?”

“She’s good.” They paused a few seconds while the waiter took their order.  “She was going to come today but she had some work she needed to catch up on.”

“Next time.”

They continued to chat, catching up on everything that had happened since they had last had lunch about a month before. When their food came, Beca stole half of her dad’s fries, offering up her droopy side salad in return, earning a solid belly laugh from across the table. Beca loved this, the easy going, pressure-free relationship that she now had with her father.  She had come to regret all the years that she had shut him out, as a kid it was so easy to blame him for leaving, even if he never really left. He was always there; she just didn’t let him in. 

After awhile, long after their plates were taken away, Beca could tell that their meal was wrapping up, the butterflies came back as she knew that she had come here for a reason. 

“So dad.” Beca started, “I have to tell you something.”

She saw the smile leave her dads face as her tone had obviously given away that it was not good news she was sharing. He put his elbows on the table, weaving his fingers together in front of his chin and nodded for her to continue. 

“So umm…” She didn’t know where to start, how do you tell your father that you’re sick?  “You probably noticed that I’ve been coughing a lot” He nodded and she continued “Well it’s been going on for awhile and I went to the doctor a little while ago…”

Her father looked shocked, and she hadn’t even told him exactly what was wrong.  He was a smart man though; she could only guess where his mind was going right now.

“I have cancer, dad.”

Mr. Mitchell closed his eyes, took a deep breath as he ran his hand through his hair and exhaled slowly.  “Is it – is it bad?”

Beca took a deep breath, her heart breaking a little bit seeing her this distress on her fathers face.  “It’s not good.  Stage 3.”

Her dad buried his face in his hands, trying to regain his composure.  Beca reached across the table, placing a reassuring hand on his arm, giving a gentle squeeze. “I’m gonna be alright, dad.” 

“You’re starting treatment?”

“I finished my 2nd round yesterday.” Beca took a deep breath, not really wanting to get into the nitty gritty details in the middle of a crowded restaurant.  “Hey dad…why don’t you come home with me, have dinner with us. Chloe is making lasagna and I’m sure she’d love to see you.  I can talk you all through it there.”

Her dad nodded appreciatively, following his daughters cue and sliding out of the booth.  He quickly wrapped Beca in a hug, holding her tighter than she think he ever had before. 

 

* * *

 

“Hey Chlo.” Beca called out as she unlocked the front door, her father entering behind her.  “I have a surprise for you.” The brunette tossed her keys on the table and walked further into the house, hearing the sink running in the kitchen and heading that way. 

“A surprise I’m going to like?” Chloe looked over her shoulder and saw Beca walk around the corner, her father a few steps behind.  “Dad!”

She quickly placed the dish she was washing down and dried her hands on a towel before going and giving her father-in-law a big hug. Chloe had always gotten along with Beca’s dad, for a while being the only reason that Beca would even interact with her father. Chloe and Mr. Mitchell could talk for hours about random things, they were both nerds at heart and enjoyed English and History, and had bonded over their shared interests.  At first it had annoyed Beca, but eventually it caused her previously frigid demeanor towards her father to thaw and as time went on, they had a very good relationship. She had Chloe to thank for all of it.

“Hey Chloe.” He offered up a sad smile, placing a friendly kiss on her cheek. 

Chloe leaned her head to the side sympathetically, knowing that he was upset “How you holding up?  I know it’s a lot to take in.”

He just shrugged, trying not to be rude but at the same time, not really knowing what to say.  Chloe understood though, she knew what he was going through.

Beca came over and offered her dad a glass of iced tea, and a quick kiss her wife.  “He’s handling it a lot better than you did.”

“I didn’t realize it was a competition.” Chloe playfully glared at her wife, nudging her in the side with her elbow. “Anyway, I have to do a little bit more work before I can call it a day, I’ll be back down in a little bit.”

She gave Beca another quick kiss and her father-in-law a reassuring squeeze to his forearm before heading up stairs, leaving the other 2 in the kitchen.  “It’s nice out, why don’t we go outside and talk.”

Her dad silently followed her outside, sitting down in one of the chairs in the sun, taking a long sip from his drink before setting it down on the table.  “So…what do you want to know?  I know you have a lot of questions.”

Her father was quiet for a few moments, seemingly deep in thought before looking up at his daughter.  “Just…um, what kind?  And what does stage 3 mean?”

“Lung cancer.” Beca informed him, trying to detach herself from the situation as much as she could so that she could be strong for her dad.  “Stage 3 means that it’s traveled to other parts of my body.  It’s in 1 of my kidneys and my liver as well.”

“How did this happen Bec?” He asked, running his hand down his face, an action that Beca knew he did when he was stressed. “You don’t smoke.”

“It just happens sometimes.  They don’t know why.”

“But you’re fighting it right.” Beca gave him a look like that was the most obvious question that he could ask.

“Of course I am.” She let out a small laugh at the absurdity of it. “I’ve already been through 2 rounds of chemo, that’s why I look like shit right now, thanks for not pointing that out by the way.” She paused to let out a few small coughs and take a sip of her drink. “I have at least 2 more rounds and I need surgery but we don’t know when yet.”

“So you’ve known for awhile?” He looked a little shocked by that.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s been a little over a month, yeah…” She didn’t really know why she hadn’t told him, she hadn’t told anyone but Chloe, it just wasn’t something she wanted to burden other people with.

“You should have told me, Bec!” She could tell her father was a bit irritated about how long she’d waited “I’m your father, you should have told me!”

“That’s why I’m telling you now, Dad.” She explained, trying to diffuse the situation.  “It’s not easy to have to tell people, everything changes once people know.”

“…I’m your Dad, Beca.” She could see the pain on his face, and she didn’t know how to make it any better.  She saw the first tears escape his eyes, reaching over and grabbing his hand to try and make it a little better.  “I’m your Dad.”

“You’re one of the most important people in my life.” Beca felt her throat tighten as she tried to hold back her own tears. “I didn’t want to hurt you….I’m gonna be ok though.”

* * *

 

Beca and her dad talked for over an hour, she walked him through everything from the scans to the appointments to how itchy her catheter was.  Normally she wouldn’t tell other people all of that information but she figured it was the only way to really calm him down, he was a lot like Chloe that way, he dealt with things better when he knew the details.  She excused herself to use the bathroom, really using the time to sneak upstairs and talk to her wife.

“Hey Chlo?” She knocked on the doorframe to her wife’s office, smiling a little bit when she saw Chloe jump in her seat before turning around. 

She looked a little startled, but smiled nonetheless, waiving Beca into the room.  “How’s he doing?”

“He’s so upset.” Beca shrugged, the corners of her mouth dipping a bit, Chloe pulled her wife into her lap, wrapping her arms around her wife’s waist and nuzzling her face into Beca’s shoulder.

“He’s strong.” Chloe assured her wife, “You take after him that way.”

“I’ve never seen him like this.” Beca noted, her mind wandering downstairs to where her father was sitting on the porch. “Like…he’s so upset.”

Beca leaned her head against her wife’s and let’s Chloe wash assurances over her, nodding absently while her mind wanders again. After close to half an hour, Chloe nudged Beca back to the present, giggling a little bit when Beca was jerked back into reality. “Let’s go downstairs, I should start dinner anyway.”

“I was thinking about something.” Beca mumbled, looking down at her wife.  “I know it’s still a little early and all but I was thinking maybe we could tell my dad about the baby.”

Chloe’s brow knitted together as she thought it over, Beca could almost see the wheels spinning in her wife’s head. “I don’t know Bec…”

“…I know, but he’s my Dad.” Beca continued, trying to convince her skeptical wife.  “and he just found out his only child has cancer.” 

“Beca…” the red head sighed, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the chair “You know I hate it when you play the cancer card to get your way.”

“No, I’m not though.” Chloe chocked an eyebrow, clearly not believing her wife.  “He just found out this terrible news and he’s terrified and I want to give him something to look forward to.”

“But what if something goes wrong, Bec?” Chloe asked, she really didn’t want to tell anyone until after their doctors appointment the following week.  “Then he has a daughter with cancer and he loses a grandchild as well.”

“Baby, it’s 1 week.” Beca pleaded, “We’re already past the point where most of the books say it’s safe.  Please, Chlo.”

Chloe closed her eyes again, getting a few minutes reprieve to think it over.  She loved how thoughtful Beca was being towards her father, that alone was a miracle considering where their relationship had been just a few years earlier, but it worried her. She felt like it was almost a jinx to tell people too early. 

“This really means a lot to you?” Chloe finally asked, looking up at her wife who perked up a little bit, almost as if sensing her victory. 

“It does.”

Chloe took a deep breath and then nodded, “Alright, we’ll tell him at dinner.”

Beca placed her hand behind Chloe’s head, pulling her wife towards her and kissing her deeply. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

“Chloe this was delicious.” Mr. Mitchell said, dragging a piece of garlic bread through the sauce on his plate. “How do you get so much flavor out of your sauce?” 

“I make it the day before.” Chloe explained. “I always find tomato sauce is better the next day, so I always make it the day before and let it sit. It also makes it easier the night I’m making it because then I just have to assemble it and put it in the oven. I can give you the recipe if you’d like.”

“I’d like that a lot.” He smiled; it was one of the few smiles that had crossed his face in the past few hours, which was very out of character for him.  Beca figured if ever the night to be a little off, this was it.  Mr. Mitchell looked down at his watch and his eyes widened in surprise.  “Oh wow, I didn’t realize how late it was.  I should probably get going.” 

He started getting up from the table, about to grab his plate to bring into the kitchen when Beca grabbed his arm, stopping him. He stopped moving, settling back into his seat and looking concerned at his daughter.  “Dad, we have something to tell you.”

“Bec…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath “I love you, but I really can’t take anymore bad news today.”

“It’s not bad.” She assured him with a smile. She reached next to her and covered Chloe’s hand with her own, sharing a glance with her wife who smiled and nodded for her to continue.  “We were gonna wait to tell you, but we figured now was as good as anyway…”

Mr. Mitchell still looked concerned, although his features relaxed a little when he saw both girls smiling. He kept glancing back and forth between Beca and Chloe, waiting for one of them to tell him what was going on.

“You’re gonna be a grandpa!” Beca laughed when her dads eyes almost bugged out of his head, it took him a second for the news to register and then a smile bigger than Beca had ever seen crossed his face.

“Really?” his voice was small, but both women could hear the excitement underneath.  Beca and Chloe just smiled and nodded, glancing at each other quickly before looking back at Mr. Mitchell whose eyes were filling with happy tears.

“Chloe is due in March, you’re the 1st person we’ve told.” Beca laughed a little when her fathers smile grew impossibly wider.  “You can’t tell anyone yet.”

He just shook his head, dislodging tears from his eyes, which he frantically wiped away.  “I won’t, I won’t.”

After a few moments of filling Mr. Mitchell in on everything related to the baby, Chloe stood up and started clearing the table, Beca and her father following dutifully.  The brunette placed her plate on the counter and wrapped her arms around Chloe, gently grabbing her wrists and making her put the plate in her hands down. “I’ll do these babe, you can go sit down.”

“I don’t mind.” Chloe giggled as Beca placed a quick kiss on her wife’s neck. “Go say good-bye to your dad.”

“I’m going to, but you made dinner, you don’t need to clean up too.”

“Well if you insist.” Chloe backed away from the sink, wiping her hands on her jeans as both girls walked towards the table where Beca’s dad was putting his tweed blazer back on.

Chloe walked over to her father-in-law and gave him a warm hug. “Thank you for staying for dinner, Dad.”

“You know I love being over here with my 2 girls.” He smiled, leaning in and giving her a soft kiss on the cheek. “Don’t you go stretching yourself too thin, Chloe.  Make sure Beca pulls her own weight around here.”

“Hey!” Beca interjected, both of them ignoring her.

“I’ll keep her in line for you.” Chloe leaned in and gave him another hug before heading to the living room to put her feet up. Beca walked her dad out to his car, leaning against the hood as he fiddled with his keys. 

“You take care of that grandbaby of mine.” He started, his smile not really reaching his eyes anymore.  “Take it easy on Chloe.”

“I’ll do my best, Dad.” She half laughed, giving her dad a small smile.  The jovial mood had diminished and they were both sinking back into reality. Her dad looked down at his feet, playing with pebble while he avoided looking at his daughter. “I’m gonna be ok.”

“You better be.” He tried to force a laugh, but it just sounded painful.  “You’ve got a family to take care of, can’t bail out on them now.”

“I know.” They stood in an awkward silence for a few minutes before Beca nodded towards the house.  “I should probably get back inside.”

“Yeah…yeah.” Her sudden comments seeming to pull him out of his head.  “I should get going.”

Mr. Mitchell opened the door to his car and Beca turned to walk back towards the house.  “Hey Bec.” She stopped about halfway up the walk and turned to face her father. “Can you just – I don’t know – keep me updated and stuff.”?

“Of course.” She smiled; she walked back to her dad and pulled him into a tight hug.  “I love you, Dad.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever, sorry. A nice combo of a new job, relatives visiting and writers block all happened at the same time. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy it.

“Ignore it.” Beca groaned, still half asleep as Chloe’s phone rang for the 3rd time on her nightstand. The two were knotted together in bed, both blinking sleep away from their eyes as they tried to shut the outside world out for a few more minutes. “Who the hell is calling this early anyway?”

“It’s almost 10, Bec.” The red head laughed as she reached over and blindly grabbed for her cell. 

“It’s Saturday though.” Beca whined “10 am is not socially acceptable on a Saturday.”

Chloe looked at the caller ID and immediately picked up, Beca didn’t see the name but did see a bit off worry cross her wife’s face, causing her to fully wake up out of concern. 

“Hey Bree,” Chloe answered in the most fake enthusiastic voice Beca thought she’d ever heard.  The younger girl propped her head up on her hand as she quietly watched and listened, trying to discern whatever their friend was saying on the other end of the phone.  Chloe seemed confused at first, then adamant that everything was ok, after a few more assurances, Chloe hung up the phone and tossed it on the table.

“I should have known it was Aubrey.” Beca smiled, reaching over and tucking a strand of Chloe’s hair behind her ear. “Who else calls 3 times like that?” Chloe ignored her, instead laying on her back and staring worryingly at the ceiling, Beca picked up on it quickly “Babe what’s wrong?  Is it Jesse? Or Jack?” 

Chloe rolled over and faced her wife, calmly shaking her head and forcing the concerned look of her face. “Nothing is _wrong_ Bec….just bad timing.”

“Care to explain…?”

“So you remember a few months ago when we agreed to watch Jack so they could go to Jesse’s cousins wedding?” Beca nodded, letting out a groan of understanding as she flopped back down on her back and letting out a deep breath that Chloe could swear was a string of curses.   “It’s next weekend, they’re leaving on Thursday, coming back on Sunday.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, the timing is _excellent.”_ She couldn’t help but let her sarcasm though, she loved Jack and under normal circumstances would fight people off for the chance to watch him, but it was far from normal circumstances. “I start my next round on Friday.”

Chloe just nodded, having already known and thought about that.  “It’ll be ok, we can handle it.”

“I don’t know how much help I’m going to be though Chlo.” Beca sat up, pulling her body back so she could lean against the headboard.  She absentmindedly reached over and started twirling a lock of Chloe’s hair between her fingers. “Jack can be a handful sometimes and I probably won’t be much good to you after Friday.”

“You’re always good to me.” Chloe smiled, leaning over and kissing Beca’s hand as it played with her hair.  “We can do it Bec…and it’s Jack, do you really want our godson being watched by some stranger for the weekend?”

Beca involuntarily shuddered at the thought, making Chloe just smile and nod in agreement. 

“It’ll be alright Beca.” Chloe assured her again “Besides, Jesse and Aubrey haven’t had a weekend to themselves since Jack was born, they deserve it.”

“Yeah that’s true.” Beca mused softly, slowly getting lost in her own thoughts.  She loved hanging out with Jack, the little blonde boy was one of her favorite humans on the planet and he had taken a keen liking to her, much to everyones surprise. When he was born the year before, Beca was terrified to even hold him.  She knew she wanted kids, and her and Chloe had already started going to appointments to see the options, but she didn’t have much experience with them. When she finally held him, abet after considerable pressure from Chloe and Jesse, Jack had latched onto her finger and she was hooked ever since.

“Maybe him being around will help, you never know.” Chloe smiled, she loved seeing Beca and Jack together, which even though the timing of this was terrible, should couldn’t be too upset about it. Watching Beca grow comfortable with Jack had been fun to witness, going from too scared to hold him to having to pry her away from him in just a few visits.  Now they were like 2 peas in a pod.  Often when they were babysitting, Chloe would find the 2 of them asleep on the floor together, Jack resting on Beca’s chest, or knocking over each others block towers causing a big belly laughs for both of them.  Chloe had always known that Beca would be a great mom, but seeing how she was with Jack made her heart do funny things. “I know you, it’s gonna take a lot for you to stay in bed when he’s around.”

Chloe looked up and saw a smile on Beca’s face even though she could tell her wife’s mind was 1000 miles away. She rolled over and wrapped an arm around Beca and nuzzled her face into her wife’s side.  Saturday mornings were their snuggle time and recently it had been the only time they hadn’t been busy or stressed out about everything they had going on. 

“We have to get up.” Beca noted a few minutes later, she didn’t want to leave the comfort of their bed, but they had things they needed to do.  Chloe just grumbled her discontent while holding her wife a little tighter. “Jack is walking now…we have to baby proof.” 

“Shit.”

* * *

 

 

Chloe couldn’t keep herself still while she sat in the waiting room…waiting.  Beca sat next to her oblivious, her headphones on, grimacing as she listened to her most recent edit of a mix.  Occasionally she would pause the music to jot down things she wanted to change in a little notebook, but was seemingly unaware of her nervous wife on her right.

“Chloe Beale.”

“Right here.” Chloe stood up and started walking towards the nurse who was ready to escort them to the back, Beca only noticed when her wife was halfway across the room and quickly stood and scurried after them. “Oh look who decided to join us.”

Beca turned a little red, but knew from Chloe’s tone not to push it.  She dutifully followed her wife into the exam room, stashing her headphones in her bag as she sat down. Only then did she notice how fidgety her wife was, reaching out and covering Chloe’s hand that was relentlessly tugging on the hem of her shirt.  “You ok?”

The glare she got in return was enough of an answer. 

Chloe answered all of the nurses questions, holding her breath while they drew blood to run tests.  When the nurse finally left, Chloe looked over at Beca who had a goofy smile playing across her features.  “What the hell are you so happy about?”

“We get to see our baby today.” The way the younger girls face lit up was almost enough to melt away the annoyance that Chloe felt towards her wife.  She couldn’t help but be a little bitter that Beca had been entirely oblivious to her nervousness all morning.  She had to remind herself not to smile back at her wife.

“Oh so now you care.” 

Beca looked confused and taken aback by Chloe’s anger, although she would be lying if she hadn’t been getting used to it. The pregnancy hormones were kicking in in full swing and Beca had to remind herself of that pretty often. “I always care, Chlo.”

“You didn’t seem to care in the waiting room when you were enamored with your mix or whatever you were listening to.” Ok, maybe Beca had messed up a little bit.  “I have like 1 appointment a month, you can’t even focus on anything but yourself for a few hours.” 

“Hey, I’m sorry.” Beca leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her wife’s forehead.  “You’re right, I should have been paying attention.” 

Chloe just huffed and let it go. She would be lying if the excitement that Beca was showing didn’t make her happy, the smile that had barely left Beca’s face all morning _almost_ hid how gaunt her wife had gotten over the last few weeks.  Chloe took a few seconds to really look at Beca, her wife was always tiny, but she had definitely lost weight, her collarbones and cheekbones jutting out sharply.  Her face, although full of joy at the moment, was devoid of any color and the bags under her eyes made her look particularly emaciated.  Even worse, all of this was caused by the treatment that had been over for almost 3 weeks, Chloe shuddered at how bad Beca was going to get during the next round.

“What’s wrong?” Beca asked, pulling Chloe out of her thoughts.  “You’re staring at me like a creep.”

The older girl just dismissively shook her head, smiling at her wife and giving her hand a squeeze. 

“You ok, babe?” The younger girl was looking at her wife concerned, having just watched her go from angry to sullen and then quickly get lost in her own mind. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Chloe assured her, trying to force her worries about her wife to the back of her mind.  “I’m nervous.  What if something’s wrong with the baby?”

“Do you think something is wrong?” Chloe watched panic cross Beca’s face.  The brunette was always worried about Chloe and the baby, but her wife always assured her that everything was fine, and they’d argued about it a few times. Beca was convinced that Chloe would keep important things about the pregnancy from her just to keep her stress level down.  “You have to tell me these things, Chlo!”

Chloe let out a little laugh and squeezed her wife’s hand again.  “Slow down Bec, I don’t think anything is wrong, it just crossed my mind.  What if she has like 4 arms or something.”

“Oh, they’re a ‘she’ now.” Beca grinned.  It was the 1st time Chloe had said anything like that, and it made her heart do funny things.  “and if they have 4 arms, they’ll be an excellent musician. Imagine being able to play drums and guitar at the same time…Or hell, we’ll have a kick ass classical pianist on our hands!”

“You’re a goof” the red head laughed. “and yeah, I have a feeling it’s a girl.”

“A feeling?”

“Yeah…a feeling.  Call it maternal instinct.” 

“Well my maternal instinct says the doctor needs to get her soon because I’m hungry.” Chloe just rolled her eyes at her wife and leaned back on the exam table, letting out a deep sigh. They were so close to being able to see a picture of their baby, the waiting was terrible. Beca tried to fill the silence with small talk, but Chloe was a million miles away, finally after what felt like an eternity there was a soft knock on the door and the doctor walked in.

“Good afternoon ladies” The doctors walked in, her pink scrubs blindingly bright under her crisp white coat. The doctor sat down on a stool and wheeled herself closer to the table where Chloe was seated, looking down at her clipboard. “Big day today! We’re going to go over a few things and then get to the ultrasound in a few minutes, that work for you guys?”

Chloe just nodded, holding Beca’s hand a little tighter, doctors always made her nervous.  She wasn’t as bad as her wife, she didn’t need to be forced to go to the doctor, but she never liked it.  The waiting and wondering never sat well with her. 

“Ok so it looks like your blood pressure is a little elevated.” She began, “It’s not dangerously high right now, but it’s something we’re going to monitor.  It’s not uncommon in pregnancies, and given your unique situation, high blood pressure can almost be expected…”

“Unique situation?” Beca interjected. The doctor awkwardly looked up at Chloe then to Beca and back to Chloe, obviously buying time and trying to see if Beca figured it out on her own.  “What unique situation?”

“You, babe.” Chloe sighed “…being sick and all.”

“oh.” Beca let the doctor continue, although she wasn’t really listening.  She looked down at the floor and tried to wrap her mind around the fact that she was contributing to a complication in her wife’s pregnancy.  Something that could put both her wife and her baby at risk. 

Beca snapped out of it a few minutes later when the doctor stood up and started rolling the ultrasound machine over towards the table.  Her previous thoughts quickly pushed to the back of her mind as the nervous excitement returned.

“I need you to lean back, and pull your shirt up a little bit.” Chloe did as she was told, looking over and giving a nervous smile to her wife who grinned encouragingly back.  She knew Chloe was a little bit uneasy about stuff like this, but she also knew how excited she was.  Chloe let out a small gasp when the cold gel was squeezed onto her stomach. “Alright, fair warning, it’s not going to look like a baby right now.”

“We know.” Both women said almost simultaneously. The doctor smiled and placed the probe on Chloe’s stomach moving it around for a few seconds while looking at the screen. Suddenly and without warning, a strong thumping sound came through the speakers, without the doctor even having to say anything, tears started streaming down Beca’s face as she heard the babies heartbeat for the first time.  Chloe smiled over at her wife, an excited giggle escaping her mouth. 

“Alright ladies,” the doctor pointed to the bean shaped blob on the monitor “that’s your baby, looks like we’re on track size wise as well.”

Both women looked over at the screen with a sense of awe, seeing a picture of their baby for the first time had them both at a loss for words.  They both just sat there, holding hands and staring at the screen for a few moments before the doctor went to move the probe from Chloe’s stomach.

“Not yet!” Beca exclaimed, “Just a little bit longer? Please.”

“Of course.” The doctor smiled, “I’m also going to print you out some copies of the sonogram and give you a CD with a recording as well.”

“Will it have sound?”

The doctor just nodded at Beca’s question, Chloe laughing a bit.  Beca was an audiophile, and Chloe knew that hearing their baby’s heartbeat was just as, if not more important to her than seeing the image.  A few minutes later, the doctor put the machine away and handed the ladies an envelope with the pictures and CD before letting them go.  They weren’t even in the car yet before Beca pulled out a copy of the sonogram and started starting at it again, almost walking into a car mirror in the process. 

* * *

 

“Hey Chlo,” Beca hummed, she was kneeling on the kitchen floor, attaching a child lock to the cabinets in preparation for their godson to get their that afternoon.  “What do you think about me hiding upstairs when Aubrey and Jesse get here?”

“Why?” Chloe scoffed like it was the craziest idea in the world. “Are you planning on jumping out at them or something?”

“No, I just –“ She stood up so that she was _almost_ eye level with her wife who was sitting on the counter. “I look like death, and they’re gonna know something is up and I don’t want to spoil their weekend.”

“Bec,” Chloe hopped off the counter and wrapped her arms around her wife’s waist, peering down to look in her eyes. “You look great, you’re beautiful.”

“I love you for saying that, but you’re a terrible liar." 

“I’m not lying.  You look incredible.”

“Chloe.” Beca sighed, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead against her wife’s chest to give herself a moment’s reprieve before looking into Chloe’s blue eyes again.  “they’re gonna know something is up, you may not see it but everyone else does.  This is their first weekend alone in forever, I don’t want to ruin that for them and - ”

“Okay Beca,” Chloe interrupted softly, gently kissing her wife’s forehead “Okay.”

 

* * *

When the doorbell rang a few hours later Chloe walked towards the front door as her wife dashed upstairs to hide from their best friends.  Chloe still thought it was a little strange, but she understood Beca’s reasoning, and she loved that her wife didn’t want to take away from Aubrey and Jesse’s weekend.

“Lemme see my godson!” Chloe squealed as she opened the door, letting her friends in.  Jesse was holding the squirming toddler who clearly didn’t want to be held. “There he is!”

Chloe held her hands out for Jack who immediately leaned out of Jesse’s arms towards her, letting the red head envelope him in a hug before holding the now calm against her hip while she talked to his parents. She was fully prepared for Aubrey to inundate her with unnecessary information about how to care for Jack.

“Where’s Beca?” Jesse asked as they sat down in the living room.  Jack was now playing on the floor with the TV remote, giving the adults time to talk.

“She had to go into the studio at the last minute.” Chloe lied, “Something about a egotistical artist that wouldn’t calm down.”

“I wanted to go over all of this stuff with her too!” Aubrey screeched, looking down at a piece of paper that she had pulled out of her purse. 

“I’ll go over all of it with her. I promise Bree.” Jesse rolled his eyes, clearly thinking his wife was out of her mind.  That’s how they’d always been though, Aubrey was still as uptight as ever, especially when it came to Jack, but Jesse went with the flow. They both knew that Chloe and Beca were more than qualified to take care of their son, that’s why they had been chosen as godparents, but Aubrey was never good at handing over the reigns. 

The next 10 minutes was spent going over the list, it was mostly obvious stuff like ‘make sure you cut his food up into small pieces’ or ‘make sure he doesn’t eat anything inedible’.  Chloe nodded and acted played along, if only to pacify her best friend.  Finally, Chloe had nodded along convincingly enough that Aubrey handed over the list and grabbed her bag to go. 

“Don’t worry about anything here.” Chloe ordered as she walked them to the door.  “We’ve got it 100% under control.”

“Call us if you need _anything!”_ the blonde ordered, half being dragged out the door by her husband. “I put a list of emergency numbers on the paper, it’s has the hotel we’re staying at and the wedding venue and – “

“Bree, she’s got it.” Jesse half laughed “We trust them, it’ll be fine.” His wife let out a deep sigh and relented, shaking off her husband to give Chloe a hug.  Before heading to the car.  

Chloe waived as her friends pulled out of the driveway before heading back to the living room and playfully scooping Jack up off the floor, relishing in the uninhibited giggle that escaped the toddler. “Let’s go upstairs and find your Aunt Beca!”

Chloe climbed the stairs, toddler in arms and headed to their room where so figured her wife would be, only to find the room empty.  It didn’t take long to figure out where her wife was though, here a deep hacking cough coming from behind the bathroom door.  She set Jack on the floor and fished her keys out of her pocket for him to play with before she opened the bathroom door and found her wife braced against the sink, here entire body shaking with each cough. 

Beca jumped when Chloe placed a hand on her back to let the brunette know she was there.  She reached for a cup on the counter and quickly filled it with water, offering it up to her wife who shook her head.  

“I tri- tried that.” Beca choked between coughs. “I can’t – breathe”

“Did you try your inhaler?” Chloe asked, trying not to panic at her wife’s statement. 

“Ca – n’t find it.” It was taking an immense amount of effort for Beca to talk, but her throat raw from the hacking.  Running upstairs to hide from Aubrey and Jesse had caused the coughing fit to start, but she couldn’t get it under control and now, 15 minutes later, she couldn’t stop coughing enough to catch her breath and her lungs were on fire.  She turned to face her wife, her eyes watering from the pain in her throat. “He – lp me Chl – oe.”


	8. Chapter 8

Chloe pulled her phone out of her back pocket and dialed the number for Dr. Harold.  He had given both girls his cell phone at Beca’s last appointment in case they needed to get in touch with him in the event of an emergency.  Chloe figured this counted. 

“Dan Harold” He answered after a few rings. Chloe thanked whatever deity above that it hadn’t gone to voicemail.

“This is Chloe Beale, Beca Mitchell’s wife. She started coughing and can’t stop and we can’t find her inhaler.  It’s been going on forever and she can’t catch her breath.”   The red head tried to keep her voice level, figuring that breaking into the full panic that she was feeling wasn’t going to do her wife any good.

“I’m assuming water hasn’t worked.” Chloe could barely hear him over her wife’s coughing. 

“Yeah she tried that.”

“Ok, have her try sitting down and putting her head between her legs and then holding her breath for 5 seconds, exhaling for 5 seconds and repeating that.”

Chloe tucked the phone between her ear and her shoulder and guided her wife over to the side of the tub to sit down, instructing her what to do and gently rubbing her back in the process.

“It’s ok Bec.” Chloe soothed, “In for 5, hold it, out for 5.”

Beca tried to take a deep breath but it was cut off by more coughing.  “I ca-n’t Ch-lo.”

“Try again babe.” The red head was trying to keep calm, but the fact of the matter was her wife couldn’t breathe and she couldn’t do anything about it.  Tears were streaming down Beca’s face as she again tried to take a deep breath while her wife counted, this time making it to 4 before she was cut off again. “You’re getting there, I’ve got you Bec.”

It took a few minutes, but finally Beca got her breathing under control to the point where Chloe felt it was safe to hang up with the doctor.  Beca was doubled over next to her, taking deep breathes, only coughing occasionally as her wife dutifully stroked her back until she felt better.  Finally, Beca sat up, tears still steaming down her face and looked over at her wife and only then did Chloe see the fear on Beca’s face, quickly pulling her wife into a tight hug. 

“You’re ok, baby.” The younger girl melted into her, knotting the red heads shirt in her hand as she cried into her wife’s shoulder.  “I’ve got you.”

Slowly, Beca collected herself, taking big gulping breaths, almost as if she were trying to stock up on air in the event of another coughing fit, mumbling a quick apology to her wife.

“You don’t need to be sorry for anything Bec.” Chloe assured her, “that was terrifying, I’m just glad you’re ok.”

“I shouldn’t have rushed upstairs.” She explained before suddenly remembering the reason that she had run to escape to her bedroom. “Where’s Jack?”

“Probably tearing apart our room.” The red head laughed, before standing up and offering her hand to her wife who linked their fingers together as they headed back into their room.  They both paused and smiled when they saw the toddler passed out on the carpet by the foot of their bed, his mouth making a soft ‘O’ as he snoozed away. 

Chloe stood behind Beca and wrapped her arms around her wife, tangling their fingers together over the younger girls chest as they stood their watching the young boy sleep. 

 

* * *

“I’m gonna get ya!!” Beca playfully shouted as she crawled after Jack across the living room floor.  The toddler squealed in delight as he scurried behind the end table, giggling as he watched Beca’s animated movements towards him.

 “I’m coming for you Jack Jack!!”

Chloe quickly tucked her feet under her while she sat on the couch so that she didn’t interfere with their after dinner antics. She’d been silently watching them for the better part of an hour, first playing with blocks, then matchbox cars and now chasing each other around.  She could watch them all day, Jack was always full of energy and he brought out a carefree, almost childlike side in Beca.  It was a side that very few people got to see; even Chloe didn’t see it that often.  Beca liked to be known as the sharp tongued, sarcastic, “alt” girl, not many people got to see her turn into a giant softy like she did when she was with Jack.

“I’m coming for you Jack Jack!” Beca called as she turned around the table and scooped him up and threw him over her shoulder, doing a victory lap around the living room as the toddler giggled. She spun around a few times before quickly laying on the floor and holding the boy in the air like he was flying. “Super Jack!”

“Keep spinning him around like that and he’s gonna throw up all over you.”  Chloe laughed as she got up from the couch and lay down on the carpet next to her wife. Beca let Jack down so that he was sitting on her stomach and attacked his sides with tickles, eliciting a high-pitched squeal from the toddler.

“He wouldn’t do that.” Beca smiled as she tickled him again.  “You wouldn’t do that, would you Jack?”

The giggle she got in return was enough a response as any. 

Beca let go of the little boy and he rolled off of her, grabbing one of his toys off the floor and playing with it while the 2 women propped themselves up on their elbows and watched. “Dude, I’m screwed?”

Chloe raised a questioning eyebrow, silently encouraging her wife to continue. 

“I love that boy more than anything on this planet…except maybe you.” Beca began, looking over at her wife who just smiled “But I know I’m going to love our kid more, but like…I don’t know how that’s possible.”

Chloe scoffed playfully before leaning over and kissing her wife gently.  “That’s quite the predicament you’ve got there babe.”

“I know” she sighed, dramatically flopping onto her back and throwing her hands over her face. Before she knew it, all the breath was knocked out of her as Jack jumped on top of her. She let out a few coughs before looking down at the boy who was holding out a large letter G for her. “You’re learning to spell already? You must really be Aubrey’s kid.”

She sat up, crossing her legs and sitting the boy in her lap, pulling the rest of the alphabet game in front of them so that they could play together as Chloe watched on with a grin on her face.

* * *

“Ok so my Dad is going to bring me to the hospital and I’ll just text you when I’m almost done and you can come pick me up.”

“I don’t see why you just won’t let me call a sitter for a few hours.” Chloe argued, Aubrey had left them a list of the sitters they used in case they needed it for anything.  “I don’t want to miss your appointment.”

“I know you don’t Chlo…” Beca started, holding up a finger when she saw her wife about to argue “…which is why I moved it to Monday so that you could be there.”

“Wait, what?”

“Well I know you don’t like missing them” she began sheepishly, thinking back to the scans she’d had earlier in the week that she’d be hearing the results of at the appointment “and I really don’t want to go without you anyway, so I rescheduled it.”

“But don’t they like doing them on Day 1 of the cycle?”

“Ideally, yes, but they accommodated.”

“Thank you.” Chloe pulled her wife into a tight hug. She didn’t want Beca to have to go to treatment by herself, but neither of them really wanted to call a sitter to watch Jack while they were gone.  She had been nervous that Beca wouldn’t tell her the whole story about her appointment again; she knew her wife tried to protect her like that but she wanted to know everything. 

“No problem.” Beca tried to play it off, grabbing her phone off the counter before kissing her wife’s cheek. “I’ll be back in a little bit. Take care of my godson while I’m gone.”

 

* * *

 

“So this is the 3rd round right?” Dr. Mitchell asked nervously as he drove his daughter to the hospital. “Out of 4?" 

“3rd round yes...” Beca confirmed, leaning her head against the window.  She didn’t want to really get into the details with her dad again, but she knew that he wanted to be kept informed.  “Don’t know how many rounds it’s going to be though, depends on how I’m responding.”

“And we don’t know that yet?”

Beca sighed, wanting to talk about _anything_ else besides this, “I have scans done before every round and they adjust the treatment based on that.”

“And they didn’t tell you last before round 2?”

“There wasn’t a change, but they didn’t expect one after the 1st round.”  She explained “Can we talk about something else please?”

“Yeah, sorry of course we can.” Beca tried to ignore the look of disappointment that crossed her dads face. She knew he meant well, he was trying to show how much he cared by being involved, but she just needed him to be her Dad, she had Chloe for everything else.  “How has Chloe been feeling?  Have you guys told anyone else?”

The new topic got a smile from the small brunette, anything that involved her impending parenthood did.  “She’s been ok, morning sickness has been kicking her ass but she’s too stubborn to slow down.”

“Sounds like her.” He laughed, turning the car into the hospital parking lot. “Try and keep her stress down though, that’s not good for either of them.”

Beca rolled her eyes and smiled. She was still adjusting to sharing her life with her Dad, she’d only completely let him into her life a few years ago and their relationship still felt new to her.  She had to constantly remind herself that he had proven himself worthy of her trust, she was so used to shutting him out.

“I know Dad.” He pulled up to the curb as she dug though her bag and fished out an envelope, handing it to her father as he put the car in park.  “This is for you.”

He held the envelope in his hands like it was a bomb, looking at it with concern.  “What is this?”

Beca tried to hold back a laugh but failed, a strange choking noise coming out instead.  “It’s not gonna bite you, just open it.”

He gave her one more skeptical look before opening the envelope and pulling out a small square picture. A sonogram. 

“Is this…?” He looked over at his daughter, his eyes already filling with tears before she could even nod in confirmation.

“She’s 10 weeks.” Beca explained, “starting to show a little bit too.”

The smile on her fathers face grew impossibly wider as he leaned across the center console and pulled her into a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you, Bec. You didn’t have the best model to base a family off of growing up, but you have made quite the life for yourself.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Beca hugged her father tightly for a few moments before leaning back.  “Listen, I gotta go, they really don’t like it when we’re late, but you should come by sometime next week for dinner.  You should bring Sheila.”

“You want me to bring Sheila?”

“I guess.” Beca said, halfway regretting the suggestion but sticking by it all the same.  “She’s important to you and you’re important to me and Chloe, so yeah, bring her if she wants to come.”

“Thank you, that means a lot, Bec.”

“It’s not a big deal.”  She got out of the car and turned back before closing the door. “Thanks for the ride Dad, I’ll call you later this week and we’ll figure dinner out, ok?”

“Good luck.”

 

* * *

Chloe paced the living room with a screaming toddler on her hip, bouncing him up and down trying to calm him. He’d started crying as soon as Beca left and she couldn’t figure out anything to get him to stop. 

“You want to play with my keys?” Chloe coo’d, giggling them in front of him.  It was her usual go to, but he was having none of it today and continued to wail while thrashing around in her arms.  Jack always cried a bit when Beca left, but never like this.  Chloe was usually able to distract him with toys until her wife got back, not today apparently.  “I know I miss her too, she’ll be back soon though.”

Chloe pulled the phone out of her back pocket as she set Jack down on the floor, he immediately started rolling around and screaming as she frantically typed out a text to her wife, asking for advice.

_“Jack hasn’t stopped screaming since you left.  HALP!”_

_“He loves me more lols”_ Chloe rolled her eyes, Beca would be caught up on that rather than helping her come up with a solution. 

“ _becs I’m serious!  He won’t stop what do you usually do?”_ the red head could only imagine her wife cackling while hooked up to her chemo treatment.  At least she was getting a good laugh out of this.

“ _tried the keys?”_

_“He wanted nothing to do with them.”_ Chloe was pacing the living room, keeping one eye on Jack as he rolled around and the other on the dots on her phone screen indicating that her wife was typing.  She hoped, if nothing else, Jack would at least wear himself out soon. The tantrum he was having had to be tiring.  She let out a squeal of discontent when the dots disappeared from her screen, but no new text came from her wife. 

She was about to send another desperate message off to her wife, when Beca’s picture popped up on the screen, her wife was FaceTiming her.

“Beca, what are you doing?” Chloe asked quickly when she answered.   Her wife had her giant headphones on and was clearly still sitting in the treatment room.

“Lemme see if I can get him to calm down.” The younger girl suggested, “It can’t hurt, right?”

Chloe set the phone down on the coffee table and picked the flailing toddler up before sitting on the couch and trying to hold him in her lap, grabbing the phone and showing the screen to the boy. “Look Jack, who’s that?”

His eyes were too full of tears to focus on anything though, he continued to scream and kick. 

“Jeez, he really is upset.” Beca half laughed, “Hey Jack Jack!  Why you so upset buddy? Aunt Beca is right here.”

Chloe could see Jack perk up a little bit as she bounced him on her lap, although his crying didn’t decrease any noticeable amount. “Keep doing that, it’s working.”

“Wanna play peak-a-boo?” Chloe smiled as her wife hid her face behind her hand for a few seconds and then revealed herself to the young boy.  “Peek-a-boo!”

Slowly but surely Beca’s voice calmed him down enough to where he could look at the picture.  It was clear to both of them that he didn’t really understand what was happening, but he reached out for the phone and pressed his nose up against the screen, before dropping it in Chloe’s lap and climbing down, his antics earning a hearty laugh from both of the women.  “I’ll be home soon Jack!”

“You’re a lifesaver, you know that?” Chloe smiled as she picked up the phone and looked at her wife.  Beca looked extremely happy, especially for someone who was currently undergoing chemotherapy treatment.  The red head rolled her eyes when her wife pretended to brush the dirt off her shoulder like it was no big deal.  “You almost done?”

“Yeah actually, probably like 20 more minutes or so.”

“That soon?” Chloe frowned, knowing that Beca was going to have to wait “It’s gonna take me a few minutes to get Jack in the car, you’re probably gonna being hanging out there for a little while.”

“No biggie” Beca smiled before looking around the room “I gotta go, people are starting to give me mean looks. I’ll see you soon. Drive safe, I love you.”

“Love you too Beca, I’ll call you when I’m there.”

 

* * *

 

“You sure you feel up for it?” Chloe asked for the millionth time as Beca strapped Jack into his stroller.  “You shouldn’t overexert yourself, you just finished treatment a few hours ago.” 

“We’re going on a walk around the neighborhood, not running the NYC marathon.”

“I know but…” Chloe started, quickly shutting her mouth when she got a warning look from her wife. 

“If I start not feeling well, we’ll come home.” Beca stood up and walked over to her wife, placing her hands on Chloe’s shoulders. “I know I’m not going to feel well soon, but I don’t want to waste the day waiting around for it.”

“Promise you’ll tell me though?”

“I promise.” Beca leaned in and kissed her wife softly on the cheek before letting go and pushing the stroller towards the door. “Now let’s go, we’re wasting daylight here!”

 

* * *

 

“Beca! Chloe! I haven’t seen you guys out in awhile!” Mrs. Roper, their down the street neighbor stopped them before they had gotten very far from their house.  Neither one of them were super fond of the woman, she was a terrible gossip and had been extremely nosey when they had moved in a few years earlier. “And who is this? Oh my god, did you guys finally adopt?!?” 

Beca forced a laugh before explaining. “Nope, this is our godson Jack.  We’re watching him for the weekend while his parents are out of town.”

“He’s just the cutest!” she exclaimed, “I can’t wait until there are baby Beca’s and Chloe’s running around here. We need more kids in this neighborhood!”

“Someday” Chloe mused, internally trying to figure out a way to get out of this conversation.  She could only imagine the gossip their neighbor would be able to come up with just from this brief encounter, only to have Mrs. Roper change the subject.

“Beca are you feeling well, you look ill.”

The young brunettes eyes almost bugged out of her face at her neighbor’s lack of tact, not that she should have been very surprised. “Just getting over the flu, no biggie.”

“Your generation never gets flu shots anymore.” She half scolded, “I can’t imagine not getting one.”

“Yeah that must have been it.” Beca said through gritted teeth “anyway, it was great seeing you but we’ve gotta get going, Jack needs to be down for a nap in a little bit and we wanted to get a good walk in.”

She quickly pushed the stroller away, leaving Chloe having to powerwalk to catch up.  “I really don’t like that woman.”

“Me either.” Beca gritted, still walking faster than usual “’You look ill’ – who says that to someone they barely know?!?”

“Someone lacking people skills, clearly.”

“Whatever.  I’m not going to let her ruin my day. ” Chloe could tell that Beca was still irked, but she admired her wife’s ability to at least attempt to let it go. It was something that Beca had been terrible at when they first met, the younger girl was the queen of holding a grudge, but as time when by she had gotten better and better at letting things roll off her. 

They walked in relative silence for a little while, a few passing comments about work or the new paint on a house before Jack started kicking in the stroller, causing both girls to laugh.  Beca stopped walking and squatted down in front of her godson, getting a big grin from the boy. 

“Whatcha doing Jack?” He squealed in response, before thrashing his legs again and giggling, “You wanna get out and walk?”

Another round of giggles was enough of a confirmation for Beca as she undid the buckles and picked the toddler up, playfully swinging him around a few times before setting him on the sidewalk and holding his hand.  He stumbled a little bit at first, but then got his stride, constantly pointing and laughing at everything.

Chloe pushed the now empty stroller a few yards behind the 2, grinning at her wife and Jack as they walked together. Beca was so small that she didn’t really have to lean down all that much to hold the boys hand, and they were so cute together.  She watched as Beca pointed out a butterfly that was in front of them and Jack proceeded to reach out and try and catch it.  She pulled out her phone and snapped a quick picture of them walking hand in hand, quickly uploading it to instagram.

“ _A girl and her godson.  You’re not getting him back @aca-aubrey and @Jesseistreble!!”_

 

* * *

 

Not long after coming back from their walk, Beca had hit a wall, curling up on the couch under a pile of blankets for the rest of the afternoon.  She had tried to play with Jack, but she was so ill that any attempt to keep him engaged ended with her running to the bathroom, in the end Chloe entertained the boy while Beca watched, shivering so violently it caused her to cough, but being completely unwilling to go to bed.  

“You ok?” Chloe asked hours later as they sat on the couch together, the older girl having put Jack to bed not long before. Beca’s head was in her wife’s lap and the red head was soothingly running her fingers through Beca’s long brown hair.

“mmm” the younger girl mumbled, turning a bit and nuzzling her face into her wife’s stomach.  “Feel weak, but ok.”

“Tomorrow is Saturday though, no treatment, that’s good.” Chloe twirled a lock of Beca’s hair around her finger. She knew that the next day wouldn’t be a good day for Beca, but at least she didn’t have to go to the hospital and make it worse.  Plus, it meant she’d be near normal on Sunday when Jesse and Aubrey got back.

“mmm”

“You ready for bed?” Chloe shifted in an effort to move from the couch, only to have Beca wrap her arm around her waist, unwilling to let her leave. 

“No stay.” It was barely a mumble, but it was pleading nonetheless.  Chloe settled back down, linking her fingers with Beca’s.  Her wife was half asleep and she didn’t really understand the point of staying downstairs if she was just going to doze off every few minutes, but if it’s what Beca wanted, it’s what she got. 

“You care if I put on a movie?” Beca was still not super keen on movies, but she would indulge Chloe every once in awhile. The older girl loved films, not as much has Jesse and not for the same reason, but she enjoyed getting lost in a story for a few hours.  Beca just liked to make Chloe smile, so she would suffer through it, even going as far as planning date nights that included going to the movies. 

“Go ahead.” Beca rolled over so she was facing the TV and watched as Chloe scrolled through Netflix, stopping on Grease, getting a small chuckle from her wife. “Are you gonna sing the whole time?”

“Not if you don’t want me to.”

“Please do.” Even when she felt like crap, the prospect of Chloe singing brought a smile to Beca’s face.  “I love it when you sing.”

“Oh yeah?” Chloe knew this, Beca had told her many times, but she never got tired of hearing her wife say that.

“Mhm” she mumbled “from the moment you busted into my shower.”

 

* * *

 

Saturday passed pretty uneventfully. Even though she felt like complete crap, Beca refused to stay in bed or on the couch, joining Chloe and Jack at the park.  She smiled watching Chloe slide down the slide with the toddler in her lap, or holding him up so he could pretend like he was going across the monkey bars. She couldn’t wait to come back to the park with their own kid. 

Before they knew it, Sunday morning had arrived and they were frantically running around the house trying to collect all of Jacks things before Aubrey and Jesse arrived to pick him up. 

“He was here for 3 days, how did his stuff get this spread out?” Beca groaned as she lay on her stomach, looking under the couch for one of his shoes. 

“He’s 18 months old.” Chloe sighed, stuffing the last of his toys into a bag “He moves around a lot.”

“Our kid is gonna be stationary.”

Before Chloe could respond, the doorbell rang. Beca abandoned her search for the shoe, shooting a panicked look across the room at her wife, who was frozen with Jacks diaper bag in her hand.

“We’re good. It’s fine.  We’re good.” Beca said quickly, getting off the floor and straightening her shirt as she tried to contain the dread of facing her friends. Chloe shot her a questioning look as they walked towards the front door. Beca knew she was saying it more in an attempt to convince herself more than Chloe, but maybe if she repeated it enough she’d start to believe it.  “Everything’s fine.  We’re good.”

They both knew that their friends were going to know something was up as soon as they say Beca, but no amount of mental preparation was going to make it any easier.  Both girls braced themselves as Chloe pulled the door open.

“I told you, you aren’t getting him back.” Chloe started, before her friends could say anything, a fake smile plastered on her face. Aubrey lunged forward and pulled Chloe into a hug, moving onto Beca soon after, jolting her from the silent conversation she was having with Jesse.  As soon as she stepped back though, her face fell as she saw what her husband was staring at.

“Beca…?” Jesse’s voice cracked. He already knew.

“I have something to tell you guys.”  


	9. Chapter 9

An eternity passed.  It had to have, an eternity just standing in silence in the doorway staring at her 2 best friends who looked back at her, heartbroken and concerned.   No one said a word, no one moved.

Finally Chloe broke the trance. “You guys should come inside.”

“Bec.” Jesse choked, still standing there staring at her.  They had been best friends going on 8 years, inseparable for most of college and while Beca dreaded telling Aubrey as well, telling Jesse was going to hurt. 

“Let’s just go sit down.” Chloe suggested, trying to break Beca and Jesse from their mostly silent dialogue. “Jack is asleep upstairs, we should all talk.”

Aubrey followed Chloe into the house, pausing to give Beca’s forearm a caring squeeze, but Beca and Jesse just stood there for a few more moments before he silently stepped forward and wrapped her in a hug.

“Bec, I…” He mumbled as they stood together in the doorway, overwhelming emotion dripping from his words.  “you…are you…Bec…I… 

“Let’s just go inside.”  She offered, finally letting go of her friend and looking him in the eye again.  “I need to tell both of you.”

She turned and walked towards the kitchen where she was sure her wife and Aubrey were.  Just as she guessed, Chloe had a pitcher of tea out, pouring glasses for everyone and Aubrey just stood in the middle of the room looking like she was in a foreign country, completely aloof. 

Chloe handed out the glasses, but no one bothered to take a sip, it gave them something to do with their hands though. They all just stood their awkwardly in the kitchen, like 4 people that didn’t know each other, no a group of friends that had been insanely close for the better part of a decade.

“Let’s go to the living room, it’ll be more comfortable in there.” Chloe suggested.  She was trying to make it easier for everyone, this was about Beca, Jesse and Aubrey, and she was mostly there for moral support.  Aubrey and Jesse turned and walked into the next room, leaving Beca and Chloe alone.  The red head set her glass on the counter and wrapped her arms around her wife, letting the shorter girl bury her face in her shoulder as Chloe placed a gentle kiss on her temple. “It’s gonna be ok.”

“It’s not.” Beca mumbled, shaking her head that was still pressed against her wife.  “They’re already broken and I haven’t even told them yet.”

“They’ll be ok.” Chloe assured her, her lips brushing against her temple again. “They just need to hear what you have to say, they’re just guessing now.”

“I can’t.”

“You need to Becs.  They deserve to know." 

“I don’t want to hurt them.” Beca went on, leaning back to look at her wife.  “They’re my best friends.”

“They’re already hurting, babe.” Chloe let go and nodded her head in the direction of the living room.  “I’ll be with you the whole time, I can take over if you can’t do it, but they need to know.”

Beca nodded, abandoning her drink on the counter next to Chloe’s and linking her fingers together with her wife as they walked into the next room.  Aubrey and Jesse were both sitting on the couch, Aubrey staring blankly at the wall and Jesse with his elbows on his knees, face buried in his hands.  They both looked up when they heard the other 2 enter the room, their faces a cross between heartbroken and emotionless.

Beca sat down in a chair diagonally from them, her wife settling on the arm, giving her wife’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I have cancer.” Beca was pretty sure all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room as a heavy silence overtook them for a moment before she continued. “I – umm – I found out about a month an a half ago – maybe longer I don’t remember anymore, but umm – yeah.” 

“Beca.” Jesse’s voice was full of so much pain she couldn’t even bring herself to look at him.  She knew if she did she would lose it completely.  “A month and a half?”

“Yeah.” She wasn’t proud of how long it had taken her to tell them, but it wasn’t like it was the easiest thing in the world to do. Besides telling Chloe, telling her best friends she had cancer was the hardest thing she’d ever done, even telling her dad was easier.  “I didn’t know how to tell you guys.”

“You pick up the phone and say ‘Jesse, I’m sick.’” She could tell he was angry, so could Aubrey who put a reassuring hand on her husband’s leg.  “Beca, I’m your best friend.”

“I know, Jess.” Beca sighed, her whole body deflating as she sunk back into the chair.  “I _know.”_

Silence overtook the room for a few moments before Aubrey found her voice.  “How bad?”

“Stage 3.” Both Aubrey and Jesse gasped, the latter burying his face in his hands again, letting his wife wrap her arm around him.

“And you’re going through chemo?” Beca was pretty sure she’d just seen the emergence of controlling Aubrey, the version of her friend that usually annoyed her, but today gave her comfort. “You’re fighting this right?" 

“Of course.” Beca was half surprised at the strength of her voice as she answered that.  “I’m not going anywhere, it’s just going to be a pretty shitty few months.”

“One of my clients is a renowned oncologist.” Aubrey continued.  This didn’t surprise Beca at all since Aubrey worked at one of the most prestigious law firms in the city.  Most of her clients were extremely wealthy celebrities, philanthropists, doctors and the like. “I’ll give him a call on your behalf first thing tomorrow morning.”

“You don’t have to do that Bree.” She assured her “I have a good doctor and a good treatment plan.”

“He’s the best though.” Aubrey continued, “I helped him get out of quite the divorce settlement last year, he owes me. He won’t mind taking on another patient.”

“Aubrey, I like my – “

“It won’t hurt to talk to him, Bec.” Chloe piped in.

“I’m comfortable where I am, Chlo.” She looked up at the red head, hoping to get some support from her wife, but also realizing that the possibility of a second opinion from a highly regarded oncologist was something that would comfort her wife.

“But maybe he can give you more than 30% odds and – “ Chloe’s eyes grew, knowing she had just let slip a detail they had agreed not to tell their friends.

“30%?!?” Jesse found his voice again, and it was loud.   He stood up quickly from the couch, looking incredulously at his best friend.  “A month and a half and 30%?!? Beca – how could you keep this from me?”

“Jesse, stop.” Chloe warned. 

“No, I…” he ran his hand through his hair “I can’t do this right now.”

He turned and left the room, the front door slammed a few seconds later.  

“I’m sorry about that.” Aubrey said as she awkwardly stood and started picking up Jack’s bags.  “I’ll bring these out to the car and be back in a second for Jack.”

Beca pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs, rocking herself back and forth while her wife helped Aubrey collect all of Jacks things.  She watched as the tall blonde carried her godson out to the car, surprised when she came back inside a few moments later, sans Jack, and squatted down in front of her.

“You’re one of the most stubborn people I know, Beca Mitchell...” She began, placing her hands strongly on top of the young brunettes.  Beca opened her mouth to defend herself, thinking that Aubrey was in some way upholding Jesse’s actions, but the other girl quickly continued. “You’re also one of the strongest. You’re going to be ok and Jesse and I will be here for you the whole way.”

“I’m not sure he feels the same way…” She mumbled. 

“He’s just upset. He just needs to cool off.” Aubrey assured her, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.  “Now stand up and give me a hug.”

Beca knew better than to disregard a direct order from Aubrey Posen, she unknotted herself and stood up, letting her former captain pull her into a bone crushing hug. 

“I’ll see you soon Bec.” She watched as Aubrey walked around the corner and out of sight, hearing the door open and close a few seconds later.  A few moments passed before Chloe came back in the room, holding her hands in front of her in surrender. 

“Bec, I’m sor –“ 

“How could you?!?” Beca interrupted her “I told you I didn’t want them to know that!  That was the _one_ thing that I said I didn’t want them to know!”

“It was an accident.”  Chloe’s voice was small; she knew that she’d messed up and that Beca had every right to be mad, she just hoped that it wouldn’t be too terrible a fight.

“God, Chloe –“ Beca was almost seething “That was hard enough and now I have to worry about whether or not my best friend is ever going to talk to me again!”

“I’m sorry, Beca.” The red head took a step towards her wife, but Beca put her hands up to stop her from coming any close.

“Chlo, I love you, but I really don’t want to talk to you right now.” With that, Beca walked out of the room and upstairs to her office to get lose in music for a while.

 

* * *

 

For the last 2 hours, Chloe had sat on the couch attempting to work on a report she had for work.  It wasn’t due for a few more days, but with Beca having treatment the following few days, Chloe figured it would be better to knock it out ahead of time, unfortunately her mind kept drifting to her very upset wife upstairs. 

She understood why Beca was angry, she really did and she felt terrible about it.  They had agreed to keep the details of her prognosis to themselves, Beca was very adamant about it. She contested that their friends were going to start treating her differently just knowing that she was sick, she didn’t want them too many details, she wanted to keep as much normalcy as she could. She’d be mad if she were Beca.

But the prospect of Beca being able to see one of the best doctors in the country seemed like something she shouldn’t pass up, and in an effort to try and convince her wife of that, the one thing she promised to keep a secret had slipped out.  A mistake, definitely, but it came from a good place and Chloe felt like that should count for something.

Eventually, Chloe gave up, shutting her laptop and placing it on the table before going upstairs to try and talk to her wife. She paused outside the door to Beca’s office, lifting her hand to knock but second-guessing herself figuring that Beca had her huge headphones on and wouldn’t hear her.  She gently pushed the door open, expecting to see Beca with her back to her, engrossed in whatever project she was working on. Instead, to her surprise, she found an empty room.  She took off down the hall to their room, quietly opening the door in case her wife was sleeping and found Beca lying on their bed. 

The brunette lifted her head a little when Chloe walked in and Chloe could see the tear streaks down her wife’s face. She cautiously made her way over to the bed, allowing Beca time to tell her to go away, but when it didn’t come, she lay down on the bed behind her wife, wrapping her arm around Beca’s waist.

“I’m so sorry, Beca” she whispered, kissing her shoulder through the fabric of her shirt.  “That was the last thing I wanted to do.”

The younger girl said nothing, but laced her fingers with Chloe’s and pulled her wife closer to her. She knew that Chloe hadn’t meant to tell Jesse and Chloe anything, her wife wouldn’t break a promise like that on purpose, but she was so hurt that they knew.  She felt like she had so little control over her illness anyway, and it took a little of that control away from her.   A few moments later, Beca rolled over and tucked her face under Chloe’s chin, nuzzling herself impossibly close to her wife.  The older girl held her tight, pressing the occasional kiss into her hair.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” Beca mumbled, Chloe wasn’t entirely sure what she was talking about so she didn’t say anything, leaving room for Beca to continue, which she did after a brief pause. “I’m so tired of being sick.  I want to be normal again.”

“You are normal, Beca.”

“I don’t feel normal.” She sighed, knotting Chloe’s shirt in her hand and pulling her wife even closer, while leaning her head back so she could look Chloe in the eye, their noses brushing together. “I feel like crap all the time, even on good days.  I look like shit, I’m anxious all the time and I’m terrified every time I see the doctor, none of my clothes fit right anymore.  That’s not normal.”

“That’s extremely normal for someone in your situation, babe.” Chloe pressed a light kiss to her wife’s nose “and you look beautiful.”

“You don’t have to lie, Chlo. I look so terrible that Jesse and Aubrey knew something was wrong the second they saw me.”

“I’m not.” Beca opened her mouth to argue but Chloe silenced her with a quick kiss before she continued. “Your face still lights up when you’re excited about something, and your cheeks still get a kiss of pink when you’re happy.  Your smile, my god your smile, I could write a novel about how much I love it and it’s exactly the same now as it ever has been - ”

“Chloe…" 

“No, let me finish.” She insisted “You may be a little bonier than you used to be, but I still get all sorts of worked up when you change in front of me and damn Becs, whenever you walk into a room my heart does this funny flipping thing and sometimes I forget how to breath. Yeah, you look sick, but you’re so goddamn stunning Beca, I can’t even explain it to you.”

Beca just stared at her wife for a few seconds, not really knowing how to respond.  Chloe was the definition of supportive and Beca knew that her wife would lie to her to make her feel better if she needed to, but she also knew that what Chloe had just said was 100% genuine.  Finally she leaned in and kissed her wife deeply, not really knowing what else to do to convey what she was feeling.

“I know you feel like crap all the time, and I wish so, _so_ much that I could take that away somehow, that I could trade places with you.  Seeing you this sick breaks my heart, but don’t for a second think you’re not beautiful.”

 

* * *

 

“You ok?” Chloe looked over at her wife whose face was devoid of any emotion, the younger girl was leaning against the passenger window staring off into space while they waited at a stoplight. They were on their way to the hospital, heading to the appointment where they would go over Beca’s progress. 

Beca just gave a nondescript shrug, too caught up in her own racing thoughts to say anything.  She’d been quiet all morning, and was thankful that Chloe hadn’t been pestering her to talk; she just didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything.

 

* * *

A little while later they found themselves sitting on a couch in Dr. Harold’s office, waiting for him to come in. Beca couldn’t keep herself still, her leg bouncing, her hands shredding the edge of the intake paperwork that was sitting in her lap.  

Chloe reached over and put her hand on Beca’s leg, trying to get it to still.  The younger girl jumped a bit at the contact, and the look on her face, Chloe could only describe as sheer panic. 

“Beca…” she sighed, wrapping her arm around her wife and letting the smaller girl melt into her side. 

“What if it’s bad Chloe?” She started playing with the hem of Chloe’s shirt to occupy her hands “what if it got worse?” 

“Then we’ll deal with it.”

“But –“

“No buts” Chloe said firmly “we’ll wait and see what the doctor has to say, and then we’ll go from there.”

Chloe could feel Beca shaking and gave her a reassuring squeeze.  She knew there was nothing she could say to make it any better, and to be honest, she was a wreck as well she just wasn’t showing it.  Before she had much time to dwell on it, the doctor walked in with a pile of folders in his hand. 

He greeted both women before sitting in the chair opposite of them and setting the folders down on the table between them.

“Alright so you had some scans done last week to check your progress, but before we get to that, how are you feeling Beca?” 

“Not great.” Her voice was shaky, “I don’t feel like myself.”

He nodded, an understanding look on his face. “I’m sure you know by now that’s to be expected, but you look remarkably well considering.”

Beca just shrugged.

“Now these last few weeks between your treatments will be pretty telling, you’re now really into treatment unlike how you were during your last break, how was it?  Did you ever really feel better?”

“Not really.” She mumbled, looking at the floor. Chloe gave her a slight nudge to continue.  “I don’t really feel like myself, and I’m always coughing and breathing is hard a lot of the time. Like it feels like I’m never getting enough air.”

Chloe raised her eyebrows when she heard that, she knew Beca had coughing fits, but she didn’t know that she was having trouble breathing. 

“Alright, that’s not good, but it’s expected.” A very heavy pause ensued as he jotted a few notes down on his paper and then turned back to the women after. Beca glanced over at her wife, expecting the worst in the next part of what the doctor had to say.  “Your scans weren’t good, Beca.  You need surgery, pretty much immediately.”


	10. Chapter 10

Hours later, Chloe found herself looking out the back window, watching her wife who was curled up into an impossibly small ball in a chair on the porch.  She had retreated there immediately after coming home, having barely said a word since the doctor gave her the news.  Chloe didn’t know what to do, so she just gave her space, which was usually what worked best for Beca anyway. 

The red head sighed, running her fingers through her hair before reaching for her phone and calling the only person she could think of.  Luckily, her best friend picked up almost immediately. 

“Aubrey Posen.” Normally Chloe would have given her a hard time about mechanically answering her phone even when the caller ID clearly showed that it wasn’t a professional call, but she didn’t have the energy.

“Hey, Bree.” Chloe’s voice was soft, but it cracked nonetheless. 

“What’s wrong?  Is it Beca? Is she ok?”

“Can you take off work tomorrow?” She asked, an errant tear streaking down her face. 

“What’s going on Chloe, you’re freaking me out.”

Chloe took a deep breath, collecting herself before continuing.  “Beca has to have surgery tomorrow.  We just found out and it’s risky and dangerous and I don’t think I can do the waiting by myself.”

She heard Aubrey exhale slowly on the other end, probably trying to buy herself time to come up with a response. Chloe knew her friend well. “Of course I’ll be there. Did something happen? Why so sudden?”

“We just got back from the doctor, she has scans before every round of chemo and the tumor in her lung grew and it’s close to an artery and if they don’t remove it basically now it’s going to cause the artery to burst and then she’d die –“ Chloe gasped, tears falling in quick succession down her face.  “God Bree, what do I do?”

“Take a deep breath, Chloe.” Aubrey was always one for keeping a level head about stuff like this.  As long as it wasn’t happening _to_ her, the former Bella’s captain was great to go to for advice. “Beca needs you to be strong right now. You can lose it once they take her back tomorrow, but until then you’ve got to try and calm down.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You can, Chlo.” The blonde assured her, “take a deep breath and try and focus on what Beca needs.”

“What Beca needs?!? Beca _needs_ to not have cancer!” Chloe half yelled.  “She _needs_ to be ok! I can’t lose her Aubrey!”

“Hey” her friend soothed “You’re getting ahead of yourself, just take it a day at a time, an hour at a time even. Beca is here, you’re not going to lose her.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re right, but she’s not going anywhere tonight. Clean yourself up and go be with your girl Chlo.”

“What do I tell her?” Chloe asked in a small voice, wiping the tears from her face.  “How do I make this ok?”

“You can’t Chloe.  You just have to be there for her.” Aubrey sighed, “You know her better than anyone else, hell, you know her better than she knows herself, you know what you need to do.”

“What if I lose her Bree?”

“Then will you want to look back and know you spent your last night together too afraid to spend time with her?”

“No.”

“Then get off the phone and spend time with her.” Aubrey replied, exasperated.  “She needs you Chloe, go be with her.”

“Ok, I can do this.” Chloe half chanted to herself. “I gotta go, I’ll see you tomorrow Bree, I’ll text you the info.”

“Give Beca a hug for me.” She replied, saying her goodbyes and hanging up with her friend.  Chloe stashed her phone in her pocket and grabbed a blanket off the couch before going to join her wife outside. It was August and it was blazing out, but Chloe knew it was only a matter of time before Beca would get cold.

She leaned down and gave her wife a firm kiss on the forehead before pulling Beca out of the chair and leading her to the bench swing so they could sit together.  She didn’t want to spend any part of this night not tangled up with her wife.

Beca didn’t say a word, she just melted into Chloe, intertwining their bodies together, pulling the red head as close to her as she could.  Chloe pressed another kiss to Beca’s head as her hand ghosted up and down her arm as they swung back and forth.

 

* * *

 

Beca was terrified.  

She’d been scared when she’d gotten her diagnosis. Scared when she went for her first treatment.  Scared every time she saw Dr. Harold. 

But right now, she was terrified.

The doctor had explained the surgery to her, and why it was necessary.  It all made sense, even with her minimal knowledge of human anatomy, but the logistics of the surgery scared her.  Her doctor hadn’t sugar coated how dangerous the surgery was and how even if it was successful, she was still very far from being cancer free.  It was terrifying. 

“I love you, Beca.”

It was the first thing that either of them had said to the other since they left the doctor almost 4 hours ago. They’d been sitting together on the swing for the better part of an hour just holding each other, neither knowing what to say, but finding comfort in the other all the same.

“I love you too, Chloe.” Beca nuzzled her face into her wife’s shoulder, breathing in the scent that was pure Chloe, the mix of her flowery perfume and their crisp laundry detergent. It always brought her comfort, and right now it helped ease her nerves.  “I’m sorry I’m putting you through all of this.  You don’t deserve it.”

“Hey, don’t say that.” Chloe gently chastised. “I hate that you’re going through this, but I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

“What about the baby?” Beca asked, her voice painfully small.  “What if all this stress does something to hurt the baby, I’d never forgive myself.”

“The baby is fine, Bec.” She assured her wife, kissing the crown of her head again.  “Don’t worry about that, focus on yourself for once in your life.”

Beca wrapped her arm around her wife and pulled her closer, finding a small amount of comfort in her Chloe’s arms. It gave her the ability to get lost in her thoughts without feeling like she was going to be consumed by them. Chloe was her lifeline as they fell into a contented silence.

 

* * *

 

Neither Beca nor Chloe slept much that night, they faked it to pacify the other, but they were both consumed by worry and fear, and unwilling to let go of the other or change into a more comfortable sleeping position.  Neither said it, but both of them wanted as much contact with their partner as they could get. 

The next morning, Chloe found herself waiting at the front door a few small bags at her feet, waiting for her wife so they could head to the hospital. She didn’t want to rush her, but they were running a little late.  She knew that Beca was dragging her feet, she couldn’t imagine how scared she was at the moment, but they really needed to get moving.

Finally, 20 minutes after they’d agreed to leave, Beca came around the corner towards the front door.  She looked a cross between terrified and indifferent, a combination that Chloe had previously thought impossible. She gave her wife a reassuring kiss before picking up the bags and leading them out into the Georgia sunshine. She found it painfully ironic that on a day like today it was impossibly beautiful out when they were both filled with dread.

The drive to the hospital was uneventful except for Chloe gritting her teeth against the pain in her right hand, she was pretty sure Beca was going to unintentionally break it soon but there was no way she was going to say anything.  Beca was always the strong one in their relationship, she was far more level headed and had better control of her emotions, but Chloe knew that her wife needed her to be her rock right now and she was going to try her damnedest to be that for her.

 

* * *

 

An hour later, Chloe and Beca were situated in a pre-op room, the red head helping her wife tie the back of her hospital gown, gently kissing her exposed shoulder before knotting the strings together. Before getting into the bed, Beca turned around and wrapped her arms around her wife, pulling her into what very well could be their last hug.  

“I love you, Chloe.”

“Love you too, Becs.” The older girl assured her, running her hand up and down her wife’s back.  “More than you’ll ever possibly know.”

“I have something for you.” Beca quietly announced, releasing her wife from the embrace, but still holding her hand as she led them over to the bed and grabbing her phone.  She scrolled through her phone as they sat on the edge of the bed; Chloe was used to this routine, and sat quietly next to her wife, twisting a lock of Beca’s hair between her fingers.

“I made this for you.” Beca said quietly, not meeting her wife’s eyes as she pressed play and music engulfed them. It didn’t take Chloe any time to figure out which song was playing, it was a remixed version of ‘Everything’ by Michael Buble, the song they danced to at their wedding. A few moments later it effortlessly transitioned into ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love”, the song that Beca had sung to Chloe when she couldn’t figure out how to tell her she loved her for the first time.

“Beca, what is this?” Chloe asked as the song continued, tears streaming down her face.  She knew why Beca had made this.

“Just keep listening.”

Chloe let out a small, watery laugh when a few bars of ‘Titanium’ made their way onto the track before slowing it slowed down into ‘She is Love’, the song Chloe had declared as ‘their song’ about a year into their relationship.  It wasn’t the original though, and it took the red head a few moments to realize that it was Beca singing, which just made the tears fall faster.

Towards the end of the song, Beca’s voice was faded into another sound, a quick and rhythmic thumping sound, a heartbeat.

“Is that..?” Chloe asked, Beca just nodded in response. She had found a way to rip the audio from the ultrasound video and incorporate their baby’s heartbeat into her mix for Chloe.  A few moments later, the track ended and the older girl tried to compose herself as she was barely holding it together.  Beca had just made her a mix to remember her by, a goodbye mix. 

“When did you make this?” She sniffled, wiping her eyes on her shirt. 

“Been working on it for awhile.” Beca mumbled, still not looking Chloe in the eye, “I had the idea for years, before we got married even.  I always liked the idea of giving it to you for our 10th anniversary, but that’s still a few years away and – I just want you to have it.”

“Beca – don’t do this.”

“There are 2 more tracks, Track 87 and 89.” She continued, “You don’t have to listen to them now though.”

“We’ll listen to them together when you’re out of surgery.”

“But I may not –“

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Chloe warned, pulling her wife into a tight embrace. “You’re gonna be fine.”

Beca nodded into Chloe’s shoulder, more for her wife’s comfort than her own.  She felt like a zombie, just going through the motions and trying not to get emotional. She was trying to just enjoy the few minutes they had left before she was taken into surgery, because she knew they could be their last and if she thought about Chloe without her, or missing their child growing up, she knew she would completely lose it.

A few moments later a doctor came in letting them know she would be taken back soon and performing a few pre-op tests. Chloe moved to the chair beside the bed, holding tight to her wife’s hand as they sat in silence, willing time to stop so that they could just stay together forever.

Time didn’t stop though, and soon a team of doctors came in to wheel Beca back to the operating room.  Chloe held her hand as they walked down the hall, occasionally glancing over to see her wife was watching her the entire time, until they stopped outside a door and she looked around confused.

“Miss, you can’t go any further.”

“But – I.” Chloe wasn’t ready. How could she be?

“We have to take her back now.”

Chloe leaned down and pressed a firm kiss to her wife’s lips before resting her forehead on her wife’s.  “You come back to me Beca Mitchell.  I love you so much.

Beca nodded, trying to find the ability to speak but it was as if she had forgotten how.  She squeezed Chloe’s hand tight and kissed her wife again.

“We have to go now.” The doctor reminded them again. Tears were streaming down Chloe’s face as she stood up, giving her wife another quick kiss. 

“You’re my world Chlo.” Beca choked, her voice cracking as the doctors pushed the bed through the swinging double doors.

 

* * *

 

“It’s been hours Aubrey, where are they?” Chloe was frantically pacing the surgical waiting area, roughly brushing an errant strand of hair out of her face.  It had indeed been hours since they got their last update, and even long since Beca had been taken back to the operating room. 

“They’re just making sure they get all of it.” Her friend offered, “They’re being thorough.”

“I just want to know.”

“I know you do Chloe.” Aubrey sighed, “Why don’t you sit down?  You’re making people uncomfortable.” 

They’d been through this routine a few times since Beca’s surgery had started.  Chloe went from being optimistic, to a blubbering mess, to impatient, to angry and then the cycle started again.    

“Bree, what if it’s taking so long because something went wrong?  What if she’s gone?”

“Hey don’t go there.” Her friend chastised, “She has great surgeons working on her and she’s a fighter.  Just try and stay calm.”

“How am I supposed to be calm?!?” He voice was raised as she resumed pacing “That’s my wife!  I can’t do this without her.”

“Listen to me, Chloe.”  Aubrey stood up and grabbed her friend by the shoulders, preventing her from pacing a hole in the floor.  “You have got to calm down.  It’s ok to be worried and scared, but you’re going to make yourself sick.”

“I just want to know.” She sighed, collapsing into a chair. 

 

* * *

 

“Ok seriously, she’s been back there for 8 hours. That’s longer than they said it should take.”

 “Not much though, they said around 6-7.” Aubrey reminded her “and it was an estimate.”

“But – “

Chloe was cut off when she saw Beca’s surgeon walk in. It was the first time she’d seen him since the operation had begun, they’d sent out interns every time since. She stood up, holding tight to her best friends hand as he made his way across the room, Chloe couldn’t help but notice the grim expression on his face.

“Mrs. Beale…” He ran his hand through his hair and let out a long sigh.

“Is she ok?” Chloe was again frantic; she just needed to know.  

“There was a complication.”


	11. Chapter 11

Chloe had never been punched in the gut before, but she was pretty sure this was what it felt like.  It felt like all of the air had been sucked out of her lungs, and her blood ran cold as overwhelming pain washed over her. Aubrey wrapped her arm around her and let the red head lean on her for strength, waiting for the doctor to continue.

“The tumor was move involved than we anticipated, it had branches that wrapped around the pulmonary artery and in trying to remove them, the artery burst causing dramatic blood loss.”

_“This is what it feels like for your life to be over_ ” Chloe thought to herself as the tears streamed down her face, she heard Aubrey sniffle beside her.

“We lost her for a second, but we were able to get her back and repair the obvious damage.”

“She’s alive?” Chloe’s voice was small, but head shot up incredibly fast at the prospect of her wife still being with her.

“Yes, she’s alive.”

“You couldn’t have started with that?!?” This time it was Aubrey, an angry edge to her voice.  “Jesus Christ!”

“Is she ok?” Chloe didn’t even care that only seconds before she had been led to believe that her wife was dead, she just wanted to know if she was going to make it.

“We’re not entirely sure yet.”

“What do you mean, you’re ‘not sure’?” Aubrey seethed. Chloe was appreciative of her friend being her bulldog right now, but she also didn’t want the doctor to rush off instead of explaining it to them. 

“There was a lot of trauma to her lungs, and with us losing her for a second, there was no blood flow to her brain in that time frame.” He explained.  “Her pupils are responsive, so she has brain activity, we don’t know the extent yet, and we’re letting her heal before we try and take the breathing tube out. She’s not breathing on her own right now.”

“Can I see her?” That was all Chloe wanted, the doctor could explain everything to her, but it wouldn’t be real until she could see her wife with her own eyes.

“Not yet.  She’s in recovery right now, she’ll be brought to a room in the next half hour or so and you’ll be able to see her then.  I’ll make sure someone comes and gets you.”

With that he turned and left, leaving the 2 women in a state of shock.  Chloe collapsed into a chair and started crying, holding her face in her hands as her body shook with tears.  Aubrey wrapped her arms around her friend and let Chloe cry into her shoulder, not really knowing what else to do.

 

* * *

 

Nearly an hour later Chloe found herself in a daze, her head leaning on Aubrey’s shoulder as they waited.  She was completely out of energy, having been near hysterics for the better part of the last 10 hours, all she could do was stare blankly at the chair across from her. 

“Mrs. Mitchell?” A nurse announced from the doorway. Chloe didn’t move, not used to being addressed by her wife’s last name, but when no one stood up Aubrey nudged her a bit.

“I think she’s looking for you, Chlo.” The red head looked around in a daze, before noticing the nurse across the room.

“I’m looking for the family of Beca Mitchell.” The nurse announced when no one made a move.  Chloe jumped out of her seat, a new wave of energy coming out of nowhere as rushed across the room, her best friend collecting their things and following behind.

“I’m her wife.” Chloe told her as she approached “Can I see her now?”

“Follow me.” The nurse led them down the hallway and through the double doors to the Intensive Care Unit.  Chloe knew that was where Beca would be, but it still made her stomach turn nonetheless, Beca was so sick that she needed intensive care, it was the kind of thing that you can’t really wrap your head around until you see it with your own eyes. “Before we go in, you should know a few rules first. No more than 3 people in the room at a time and keep the volume to a minimum.  She’s unconscious right now, and she’s on a breathing tube, but if you’re in the room when she wakes up we ask that you get a nurse or doctor immediately.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.  Can I see her now?” The nurse nodded and opened the door for them. Chloe rushed through, but Aubrey held back and found a chair in the hall, giving her friend some space.

“Beca…” Chloe sighed at the sight of her wife, a large lump forming in her throat.  The brunette looked incredibly tiny in the hospital bed surrounded by all sorts of equipment and while Chloe thought she would be ok with it, nothing could have prepared her for the sight of her wife with a rather large tube down her throat.

The red head made her way over to the bed, pausing to look down at her wife before pressing a kiss to her forehead. She was scared to touch her, she looked so breakable, but she couldn’t help but hold her hand as she sat down in the chair next to the bed.

“Becs, I don’t know if you can hear me or not…but…I’m so proud of you.” Tears started falling down her face and she brushed them quickly away.  “You’re so strong and you’re such a fighter and I just really need you to wake up, ok? Maybe not right this second, I’m kinda a mess right now and I don’t want you to see me like this, but don’t take too long.”

Chloe scooted her chair closer to the bed so she could rest her head on the mattress, still clutching her wife’s hand like her life depended on it. 

“I’ll be right here, Becs.”

 

* * *

 

A nurse woke Chloe up a few hours later, she hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but once she saw Beca, even in the state she was in, she was finally able to decompress a little bit after an incredibly stressful day. 

“Miss, visiting hours are over.” The nurse’s voice was soft and warm, but not comforting in any way.  Chloe was still half asleep, blinking quickly to adjust to the harsh hospital lighting.  It took her a few seconds to acclimate herself and figure out where she was, and then she quickly looked over at her wife, scared she had missed something important while she was asleep. “Don’t worry, she hasn’t woken up yet.”

“Shouldn’t that be something to worry about?” Chloe’s mind was moving in a thousand different directions.  “Shouldn’t she be awake by now?”

“Not yet.” She was assured, “with the amount of stress her body was put under today and the medication she’s on, it would be very uncommon for her to be awake right now.  The doctor will probably wean her off the medication tomorrow and she should wake up then.”

“I can’t leave her though.” Chloe protested, a little bit of panic in her voice.  “What if she does wake up and I’m not here?  I promised her I wouldn’t leave.”

“We’ll take good care of her.” The nurse assured her with a smile.  “You should go home and get some rest.”

“No, I told her I’d stay.” Chloe tried again “She can’t be alone.”

“Miss…” the nurse sighed, “I cannot let you stay.”

“You don’t understand!” Chloe was trying not to raise her voice, but apparently she had enough because Aubrey poked her head in from the hall.  Chloe felt tears coming to her eyes and tried her best to hold them back.  “She needs me here.”

“Can you give us a few minutes?” Aubrey asked the nurse as she walked over to where Chloe was standing, wrapping her arms protectively around her best friend who proceeded to completely fall apart. “We’ll leave, just give her a chance to say goodnight.” 

The nurse looked conflicted, but after a few moments pause finally relented “I can give you 10 minutes, but after that I’ll have to insist.”

Aubrey nodded and mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ to the nurse as she left, while she stroked Chloe’s hair, trying to calm her down.

“I can’t leave her.” she hiccupped “I promised her I’d be here.”

“I know Chlo, but those are the rules.” Aubrey had never seen Chloe like this before, a mixture of overly tired, terrified and angry.  I broke her heart a to see her best friend like this, as if her heart didn’t hurt enough when she glanced over and saw her other friend hooked up to machines in a hospital bed.

“She’s gonna be all alone.” Chloe wiped the tears from her face and turned back to face Beca.  “She shouldn’t be alone.”

“They’ll take care of her Chlo.” Aubrey stood next to her friend with her arm supportively rubbing her back. “We don’t have to leave the hospital either, we can just go downstairs and get some food.”

“What if something happens and no one is here?” Chloe cried, as she linked her hand with Beca’s and ran her thumb over the back of her wife’s hand. 

“They’ll know.” Aubrey assured her “they’ve got this under control Chloe, better than you do.  I’ll let you have a few minutes, but you can’t stay.  Ok?”

Chloe just nodded, unwilling to take her eyes off her wife.  She heard the door close as Aubrey left and sat down, taking a few seconds to compose herself.

“They’re making me leave, Bec. I know I promised I’d wouldn’t but they won’t let me stay, I tried…I even did that puppy dog eye thing that you hate but always give in to.” She let out a small laugh at herself. “Listen, I’m not leaving the hospital so if you need me I’ll be here in no time, but don’t do anything funny while I’m gone Beca Mitchell, I swear I won’t talk to you for a week if you pull any funny business. 

She leaned over and kissed her wife, first on the forehead and then on the corner of her mouth, careful of the breathing tube.

“Good night babe, I love you.”

 

* * *

 

Chloe’s heart stopped when she walked into Beca’s room the next morning.  She turned around and checked the number to make sure she was in the right place and then full on panic enveloped her when she realized she was in fact in the right place…except Beca was not there. 

She ran back out into the hallway, frantically grabbing a nurse by the arm “My wife, in room 4351, she’s not there!”

“That’s not my room Miss, so I’m not sure.” she said, gently pulling her arm out of Chloe’s grasp.  “I can find out for you though.”

“Please.” Chloe begged, panic flooding her voice.

“Ok, follow me.  We’ll get this all sorted out.” She assured her “There’s a million reasons she wouldn’t be in her room, try not to jump to the worst possible conclusion.”

Chloe followed the nurse to the nurse’s station where she typed a few things into the computer before smiling and nodding.

“She was taken for a CT scan about 30 minutes ago.” She was informed “there may be a backup, but she should be back pretty soon. You can wait in her room.”

“Is that normal?” Chloe asked, only a tiny bit reassured that Beca was ok. 

“It’s very common post-op.” The nurse informed her as she picked up her clipboard and readied herself to get back to her rounds. “I don’t know anything about your wife’s particular case, but I’m sure her doctor or nurse will be around shortly after she’s brought back from CT and they’ll be able to answer your questions.”

Chloe thanked her and walked back to Beca’s room and forced herself to go in.  It felt weird without her wife there, and since she had insisted Aubrey go home a few hours ago, she was all alone in the empty room, waiting. 

 

* * *

 

Half an hour quickly turned into 45 minutes, which quickly turned into an hour.  Chloe had given up trying to sit down and was pacing the room, worried that something had gone wrong, causing the delay.  Just when she was about to berate an innocent nurse, the door opened and Beca was rolled back in.  

“Thank god!” Chloe exclaimed, rushing over to see for herself that Beca was ok.  The doctors had to ask her to move several times while they hooked Beca back up to the machines in her room rather than the temporary ones used for transport. The steady beeping of her heart rate monitor brought her comfort after being in the room filled with overwhelming silence for so long. “What took so long?  Is everything ok?”

“The doctor will be in shortly.” A younger doctor responded, he looked like he had been awake for the last week and didn’t seem to have the patience for her questions.

“Can you not just tell me now?”

“I just bring patients back to their rooms ma’am, I don’t know anything about her condition.”

Chloe let out an annoyed groan, but let it go. The doctors left the room allowing Chloe to really get a good look at Beca for the first time that morning. Her face had more color in it than it did the day before, Chloe thought she looked stronger, but she also knew that could be wishful thinking. 

The red head leaned down and gave her wife a good morning kiss, brushing the hair out of Beca’s face and tucking it behind her ear.

“Good morning, Becs.  Sorry I was gone for so long.” Chloe didn’t expect a response, she new better than to expect a response, Beca was unconscious after all, but for some reason her heart dropped when there was no change in her wife.

Chloe sat down next to the bed, holding Beca’s hand as she had been the day before and started rattling off about random things to fill the silence.  It was strange, they were usually ok with silence, just being able to sit together, they didn’t always feel the need to be talking but this was different. Beca’s inability to talk made the silence deafening.

“So apparently you spoiled Jack this past weekend.” Chloe started telling her wife.  “Bree was telling me that all Jack wants to do is be chased around which was never really his thing before.  She blames you.”

She filled the next few minutes talking about the random things she’d seen in the hospital overnight.  She swore the crazies came out between 9pm and 8am when everyone was waiting for visiting hours to resume, but then again, she guessed she’d have to count herself among them.  Before she could finish her story about an overtired 5 year old in the cafeteria, Dr. Harold walked into the room.

“Hey Chloe.” He smiled; she hadn’t seen him since the morning before.  He wasn’t Beca’s surgeon, just her doctor, so he hadn’t been extremely involved in the day before, but Beca’s care had reverted back to him once she was considered out of post-op care.

“Shouldn’t she be awake by now?”

“That’s what I’m here to talk to you about.” Chloe didn’t like the sound of that and held on to Beca’s hand tighter, but nodded for him to continue.  “We took her for scans this morning, to see if the swelling in her lungs has gone down enough to wean her off her sedative, and good news, it has.”

“So she’ll wake up once she’s off the sedative?”

“It’s not quite that simple, but in theory, yes.”

“But she may not?”

“Until she’s conscious we can’t really tell how well she can breath on her own so we’re going to leave her intubated, but that’s extremely uncomfortable so we can’t completely take her off the sedative. We don’t know how much of the medication needs to be out of her system for her to wake up, everyone is different.”

“And if she’s one of the ones that needs it completely gone?”

“We’ll wait a few days to give her more time to heal, but eventually we would unfortunately have to make her uncomfortable to get her conscious again.”

Chloe nodded understanding, hoping it didn’t come to that. 

“How long before we’ll know if we have to do that?”

“Well I’m reducing her medication by 4 mics an hour for the next 6 hours.  If she’s not awake by then, we’ll most likely have to give her a little more time.”

“She’s gonna wake up though, right?” Chloe looked down at her wife, an edge of sadness in her voice. 

“I have no reason to think she won’t.” He smiled, getting ready to leave the room.  “Get some rest Chloe, it’s going to be a long few days, you need to stay strong.”

Chloe let out a long sigh, it had been good news, but it did little to help calm her nerves.  Until Beca was awake and she could be assured for herself that she was ok, Chloe was pretty sure she’d be in a constant state of worry.  

Instead of sitting back down in the chair next to the bed, Chloe laid down next to her wife, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before resting her head on Beca’s chest and closing her eyes for the first time in hours.

 

* * *

 

Chloe didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, but when she woke, Beca was still unconscious.  She wrapped her arm around her wife and gave her a gentle squeeze before getting off the bed and retaking her seat in the chair.  

She pulled out her phone and started scrolling through to kill time, she had a few missed messages from Aubrey, telling her she’d be by the hospital in a little bit to check, and a missed call from Beca’s dad asking for an update.  He was supposed to stop by the night before but Chloe had convinced him not to, she felt horrible about it, but she didn’t have the energy to explain it all to him and he was going to be a mess.  She promised to keep him updated, and let him know when it would be a good time to stop by.

Chloe tossed her phone in her purse and thought back to everything that had happened in the last few days. It’d been a whirlwind; it was hard to believe that just 3 days ago they were blissfully watching over Jack while Aubrey and Jesse were out of town.  Yeah, Beca had been sick, but at least she was functioning. 

She thought back to the morning before, tears filling her eyes as she recalled the moments before Beca was taken into surgery, trying to convey how much she loved her because she didn’t know if she’d have another chance, having to say goodbye to Beca and how she was absolutely terrified it may be the last time she ever saw her wife alive.  

Listening to the mix. 

Beca had made her dozens of mixes over the years, maybe even hundreds, Chloe couldn’t keep track anymore. It had been awhile since she had given her one though.  While they were dating, Beca gave her them to her on almost a weekly basis, sometimes full of fun songs to make Chloe smile, other times, sappy love songs, once in awhile, angsty angry songs.  They were always a good indication of how Beca was feeling, and in the beginning of their relationship it had helped Chloe get a better idea of how to read her girlfriend since Beca was not forthcoming with her feelings.

Chloe would be lying if she didn’t say missed the mixes.  Beca gave her other things now; she’d randomly bring home flowers, or take her out to dinner on a whim. She always said she gave Chloe so many mixes because she was poor, and now she had the money to spoil Chloe the way she always wanted to. The older girl loved the personalized touch to the mixes though, how she could always tell what Beca was feeling based on the songs she chose.  How she knew that the other girl had spent hours in front of a computer thinking about her, figuring out exactly what songs to put together.

The mix Beca had given her before her surgery was something else though.  It told a story, _their story._ All of _their_ songs were included and seamlessly stitched together even though they were all so different.  Chloe could only imagine the amount of time Beca had spent on it.

Suddenly she remembered that Beca had 2 more songs for her to listen to, curious, she pulled Beca’s phone out from where she had stashed it in her purse, she scrolled to the tracks in question, her thumb hovering over the song unsure what to do.  Beca had made them for her, telling her to listen to them, but it felt weird listening to them without her wife.  She needed to feel closer to Beca though, so she pressed play on the first song.

Beca’s voice filled the room, she had recorded herself talking, but not to Chloe.

“Hello little one.  It’s me, your Mom and you have no idea how sorry I am that I’m not there to watch you grow up.  Your Mama and I dreamed about you for so long and we couldn’t wait to hold you in our arms, you are the most loved child that the world has ever seen, even before you were born.” Chloe heard Beca’s voice crack, she could envision her wife sitting in her office recording this, her eyes probably swimming with tears like Chloe’s were now.  “I’m sorry that I got sick and that I’m not around.  I’m watching over you and your Mama everyday though, and I’m always with you wherever you go. I hope that you’re like your Mama, because she is the most amazing person that I’ve ever met, but I hope that somehow, you have a little bit of me in you too.  Take care of your Mama for me, give her lots of hugs. I love you little one.”

The track changed, and music poured out of the speakers, suddenly Beca’s voice was back, singing this time. Singing lullabies.

Chloe’s tears fell faster as she listened to her Beca sing song after song, a mix for their baby to listen to in the event that she didn’t live long enough to sing them in person.

“Chloe…?”

The red head looked up quickly, pausing the song as she saw Aubrey standing in the doorway, a confused look on her face.

“Hey Bree” Chloe tried to fake a smile while she wiped the tears from her face.  “How long have you been standing there?”

“Awhile…” Aubrey was looking at her friend like she was seeing her for the 1st time, a sense of almost wonder on her face, mixed with the concern that hadn’t left in the last 2 days. “That was Beca singing lullaby’s, right?”

Chloe just nodded sheepishly, knowing that her friend had figured it out. 

“Chlo…are you…are you pregnant?”

Again, Chloe just nodded. 

“Oh god.” Aubrey rushed into the room and wrapped her friend in her arms, half wanting to celebrate and half upset that her friend had to go through everything with Beca while she was pregnant. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Chloe sniffled.  This was not the way she wanted her friend to find out, but it was like a weight was lifted off her shoulders now that it was no longer a secret. She looked down at her wife and sent out a silent apology that Beca hadn’t been awake when Aubrey found out.

“How far are you?  Why didn’t you tell me?” Aubrey pelted her with questions “You shouldn’t be under this kind of stress while pregnant, it’s not good for you.”

“What am I supposed to do Bree?” Chloe asked, wiping an errant tear away.  “Beca has cancer, I can’t just walk away from her.”

“But you need to rest.” The blonde chastised, “You need to take care of yourself.”

“I can’t leave her Aubrey.” She scoffed at the thought “she needs me right now, and I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

“This would be the luck you 2 get.” Aubrey scowled “a baby and cancer at the same time.”

“Well you know us, can’t do anything easy.”

 

* * *

 

“Bec, it’d be really great if you woke up now.” Chloe chided.  Aubrey had gone downstairs to get some coffee and call into work for a few minutes, leaving Chloe and Beca alone for the first time in a few hours.  “I know you probably don’t feel great, but I have a bone to pick with you about that track you made for the baby and I can’t be mad at you for it if you’re still unconscious…so just like, wake up, ok?” 

“Beca, please.”

 

* * *

 

“Beca, it’s been hours.” Chloe clasped Beca’s hand between hers, bringing it up to her lips.  “Come on baby, just wake up.” 

“Just open those beautiful eyes of yours, or move one of your beautiful fingers.  Anything. Please Beca, please just wake up.”

 

* * *

 

Chloe had dozed off, her head resting on Beca’s arm as she drifted in and out.  Suddenly, she heard a gargled choking noise and sat up quickly, looking at her wife. She could see Beca’s eyes moving behind her eye lids, but was preoccupied with the almost convulsions she was having, as she choked on the tube down her throat, the beeping of her heart rate monitor dramatically speeding up.  

“I need a doctor in here.” Chloe yelled, running to the doorway before quickly returning to Beca’s side. She brushed the hair out of Beca’s face, trying to sooth her wife any way she could.  She wasn’t entirely sure how awake she was, but Beca seemed like she was in pain. 

“It’s ok baby, just hold on a second ok, someone’s coming.  Just hold on.”

As if Chloe’s voice was all she needed to hear, Beca’s eyes shot open and she locked eyes with her wife in panic as she continued to fight the breathing tube.  Seeing Beca’s blue eyes open for the first time in almost 2 days instantly brought tears to Chloe’s eyes, a wave of joy overtaking her for a second before she was brought back to reality by the continued spasms from her wife and the screaming monitors all around them.

“You’re ok Becs.” Chloe tried to assure her, kissing her forehead.  “Try not to fight it, you’re ok.”

The red head couldn’t get over how scared Beca looked, she’d never seen that much fear in her wife’s eyes as the smaller girl continued to shake as she choked on the tube. 

“Beca focus on me.” Chloe offered, trying to distract her wife.  It was like Beca was trying to have a conversation with her wife through her eyes, but Chloe had no idea what Beca was trying to say, besides that she was scared and confused. “Just look at me, listen to my voice. You’re ok Beca, try and calm down.”

Beca squeezed Chloe’s hand, it was weak, but Chloe held tight in response as the doctors finally came rushing into the room, she moved as far out of the way as she could while still holding tight to her wife.

“Welcome back, Beca.” Dr. Harold said as he flattened the bed and unhooked the breathing tube from the machine. “This is going to be uncomfortable, but I need you to try and stay still.”

Chloe felt Beca’s grip tighten around her hand as the doctor removed the tape that was around the tube and gently opened her mouth, sticking a probe in to hold her tongue down while he slowly and steadily pulled the tube out.  Beca’s gagging increased, her entire body coming off the bed with spasms as the monitors raced.

“Beca you have to try and stay still. This could damage your windpipe if you don’t.” The doctor reminded her, pausing the procedure, which just caused her to choke more.  “Chloe, help me out here, she can’t breathe right now, she’s not hooked p the machine and this is blocking her airway.  I need to get it out or she’s going to pass out on us.”

Chloe stepped up to the side of the bed, Beca’s eyes locking with hers instantly.  She had no idea what to do to calm Beca down, she’d probably be 10 times worse if she were in the same situation.  “Look at me baby, focus on me.  You’re ok.”

Beca just looked scared as she continued to fight the tube.

“ _I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away.”_ Chloe sang, hoping that her voice would calm Beca down.  “ _Ricochet, you take your aim, fire away, fire away.”_

Almost instantly, Beca started to calm down, the convulsions far less violent, her heart rate monitor slowing down.

“ _You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium.”_ Dr. Harold resumed pulling the tube out, Beca again increasing her grip on Chloe’s hand, wincing against the pain but not breaking eye contact with her wife. “ _You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium.”_

With a gasp and a lot of coughing, the tube was finally out and an oxygen mask was quickly put over Beca’s nose and mouth.

“You did great baby.” Chloe said through tears, as Beca continued to cough and tried to catch her breath. She leaned down and kissed her wife’s forehead, as the doctors waited for Beca to gain control of herself again. 

“I – can’t” Beca gasped to Chloe, her voice raspy and ragged, the heart monitor beeping wildly again as she weakly trying to move the oxygen mask to the side so she could talk “I can’t – breathe!”

Chloe’s stomach dropped as Beca turned to the doctor. “I – can’t breathe. I can –“

Dr. Harold reached over and adjusted the oxygen levels, but before it took any effect, Beca fell still, her eyes rolling back and the monitor letting out 1 long, steady and blood chilling note.


	12. Chapter 12

“BECA NO!” Chloe screamed, as chaos ensued in the room, she vaguely heard the doctor yelling for a crash cart and a mad rush of people into the room.  She felt hands on her shoulders, attempting to pull her away from the bed but she wouldn’t move. “Beca!”

“Ma’am we need you to leave.” A nurse tugged her towards the door.  “You can’t be in here right now.”

“Beca, no!” She sobbed, unable to really see what was going on as the tears clouded her vision.  “Someone do something!”

“Get her out of here!” she heard Dr. Harold bark as he reached over for the paddles of the defibrillator. Chloe didn’t know how to move her feet though, and she was half dragged into the hallway and planted in a seat. She pulled her knees up to her chest and sobbed, rocking herself back and forth. 

She wasn’t sure how long she had been out there when she heard her name yelled from down the hall and fast footsteps approaching.

“Chloe, what happened?” It was Aubrey, who sat down next to her and put a protective arm around her. 

“She – she woke up.” Chloe choked through her sobs “and they – they took the tube out and she couldn’t breath and she – and she….”

Another round of sobs interrupted her as she fell into Aubrey’s arms; completely losing herself while her friend dutifully stroked her back.  She could tell Aubrey was crying as well, she knew she didn’t have to finish explaining what had happened for her friend to understand.

A few moments later, Chloe heard the door to Beca’s room open and the team of doctors stream out, pushing their equipment with them.  She looked over, seeing Dr. Harold talking to another doctor and writing something in a chart, she guessed Beca’s.  She tried to clear her eyes of tears as she waited for the doctor to come over, but the sobs kept coming as she buried her face in Aubrey’s shoulder. 

She felt her friend give her a nudge and she looked up, seeing the doctor patiently waiting for her, his expression unreadable.

“We got her back Chloe.” A smile breaking out across his features.  “She’s breathing on her own, and she’s awake, very groggy, but awake.  She asked for you.”

Chloe didn’t wait to see if he had anything else to say, she sprinted across the hall and threw open the door to Beca’s room, seeing for herself that Beca was indeed still alive.  The younger girl looked up when Chloe barged into the room, she was very weak, and everything hurt.

“Hi.” Her voice was strained and raspy, Chloe could barely make out what her wife had said, but it was enough to send her over the edge again, a fresh round of sobs breaking through, this time though, she was crying out of relief.

 Beca tried to move the oxygen mask away from her face so she could say something more, but before she could, Chloe flung herself beside her on the bed, wrapping her arms around her and sobbing uncontrollably into her shoulder.

It took all the strength Beca had to wrap her arm around Chloe, and hold her wife as she completely lost it. The red head seemed to be trying to say something, but Beca had no idea what it was, so she just lay there, her arm loosely wrapped around her wife, too weak to even stroke her back, and waited for Chloe to be ok again.

 

* * *

 

“Beca…” Chloe choked, she had no idea how long it had been, but she was pretty sure she had cried all the tears she could possibly ever cry.  

“Hmm.” Her wife hummed, feebly reaching up to move her mask but Chloe stopped her before she could. 

“No keep it on, it’s ok.” She wiped her eyes on the collar of her shirt and straightened the mask on her wife’s face. “You don’t have to say anything, Bec.”

“Sorry.”  Beca’s eyes were drooping and her words were slightly slurred with exhaustion, Chloe felt the edges of her mouth curve up a little bit, she always found sleepy Beca exceedingly adorable.

“It’s ok, babe.” Chloe leaned up and kissed her wife on the cheek.  “Why don’t you get some sleep?”

Beca mumbled something incoherent as she battled to keep her eyes open, again reaching for her oxygen mask, but Chloe intercepted her hand, linking their fingers together and preventing her wife from removing the mask from her face.  

“It’s ok.” Chloe assured her again. “We can talk when you’re feeling better, just get some sleep.”

Chloe moved to get off the bed, but Beca’s grip tightened and a panic crossed her face.  “Stay.”

“I’m just moving to the chair so you can be more comfortable.  I’m not going anywhere.”

 

* * *

 

Beca wasn’t sure how long she’d been asleep, hell, she didn’t know how long she’d been unconscious after her surgery. All she knew was that every muscle in her body ached and her chest felt like it was on fire. Every breath she took felt like she was inhaling flames and each rise and fall of her chest felt like she was being stabbed.  

She’d never felt so weak in her life, it took every ounce of energy she had just to move, it was like her body was disconnected from her mind, she had to concentrate on actions that she wouldn’t even think about 2 days before. 

Beca lulled her head to the side and opened her eyes, watching Chloe who was sitting cross-legged in the chair doing some sort of word puzzle.  She was dangling her pen between her fingers, her lip precariously wedged between her teeth, as she thought about the next answer, completely oblivious to the fact that her wife was awake. 

Beca reached up and moved her oxygen mask to the side to allow her to speak more clearly.  She took a ragged breath, surprised that breathing without the mask wasn’t as hard as she expected. 

“You shouldn’t bite your lip like that” talking hurt and her voice was incredibly raspy, but she smiled when Chloe jumped a little, clearly startled.  “It’s distracting.”

“Jesus, Beca.” Chloe gasped, a smile forming across her face all the same “give me a heart attack why don’t you?”

“You’re in the right place.” Beca joked before coughing a little, wincing against the pain that shot through her body. “Maybe we could share a room.”

“You’re so funny.” Chloe deadpanned, standing up and walking over to the edge of the bed.  She leaned down and gave Beca a brief kiss, smiling into it when she heard the beeping on Beca’s heart rate monitor speed up a little. 

“That’s inconvenient.” Beca scowled when they broke apart a moment later.  Chloe chuckled a bit as she reached up and put the oxygen mask back in place.

“It’s cute.” She assured her wife, turning around to pull her chair up to the edge of the bed.  Beca stopped her though, painfully shifting to the side of the bed to make room for her wife, and tugging on Chloe’s arm until she lay down next to her.  “You sure?”

Beca just nodded, not wanting to use the energy to move the mask from her face again, it wasn’t super comfortable and in all honesty, kind of hurt when Chloe wrapped her arm around her, but Beca wouldn’t change it for the world.  She rested her head against Chloe’s shoulder and let her eyes drift closed again. 

 

* * *

 

“Beca…” Chloe was trying to be gentle as she woke her wife up, she hadn’t been asleep that long, and in the brief time she had been awake she seemed exhausted.  “Becs, can you wake up for a few minutes?  The doctor is here.” 

The younger girl shifted and winced as she opened her eyes.  Chloe was no longer on the bed with her, but in the chair next to the bed, still dutifully holding her hand.  She glanced towards the door where the Dr. Harold was standing, flipping through her chart.   She reached up to move the mask from her face, but Chloe intercepted her hand. 

“Don’t do that baby, you need it.”

“I’ll be fine.” She insisted, again reaching for the mask and again being stopped by her wife.  Her arms felt like lead weights and she couldn’t move them fast enough to sneak past the older girl.

“Bec, come on.” The younger girl could see a trace of fear on her wife’s face, so she let it go, mentally reminding herself to ask Chloe about it later.

“It’s actually ok Chloe.” Dr. Harold interjected. “I’m here to do a respiratory test on her anyway.”

“What kind of test?” Chloe asked, an edge to her voice. She had quickly going into full on protector mode.  Beca gave her wife’s hand a gentle squeeze, trying to assure her that it would all be ok.

“We just want to see how strong her lungs are right now.” He explained.  He lifted a small piece of equipment in his hand to show them both.  It had a flexible tube connected to what looked like a pipe with a ball in it.  “She blows in here and we gauge her respiratory function based on how high the ball goes.”

Chloe just nodded, keeping her hand firmly linked with Beca’s as the doctor came over. 

“Ok Beca, just take a deep breath and blow as hard as you can into this tube.” He placed the mouth piece in front of her as she took a deep and extremely painful breath and blew has hard as she could into the device.  She saw the ball move about halfway up the meter before she lost control and started coughing, closing her eyes against the pain.  He reached over and put the oxygen mask back on her face.  “Take a few deep breaths, you did great Beca.”

It took her a few moments to get her breathing under control again, but the throbbing in her chest didn’t go away. She briefly glanced at Chloe who had a look of sheer panic on her face before turning back to the doctor, again removing the mask so she could talk. 

“Do I have to keep wearing this thing?” she asked, her voice still incredibly weak.  “Can I just get one of those ones they put under your nose or something?”

She watched as he thought it over for a second, looking rather conflicted.  “You’re borderline for that, it doesn’t supply as much oxygen and you have to do more breathing on your own, but if you’d like to give it a shot, you can.”

“I do.”

“Maybe that’s not a good idea Beca.” Chloe interjected, “You just got the tube out last night and – and maybe you should give your lungs a break for a little while.”

“The mask is uncomfortable.” She gasped, replacing it for a second and taking a deep breath before resuming “and I can’t talk to anyone with it on.”

“Please Bec.” Chloe pleaded “Just a little while longer.  Just let yourself heal a little more first.”

“Chlo, just let me try.”

“Beca, please.” She wasn’t really sure why Chloe was so adamant and so afraid, but she relented, not wanting Chloe to stress out over something so minor. 

“Someone will be in to do these tests on you a few times a day.” Dr. Harold explained “You 2 can talk about it, and if you change your mind they can always hook up the other mask for you.”

Beca nodded, placing the mask back on her face, leaning back into her pillows and staring up at the ceiling while Chloe and the doctor talked about something she didn’t really care about. She was tired of being sick and tired of being coddled and tired of feeling like crap all the time.  She was just…tired.

 

* * *

Beca heard the door close a few moments later and Chloe returned her attention to her wife, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. 

“I’m sorry, Beca.” She whispered, as her lips grazed against her wife’s skin. 

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” Beca asked, taking the mask off and repeating herself when Chloe cocked her head, clearly unable to understand what she was saying. 

The red head was quiet for a moment, and diverted her eyes away from Beca; the younger girl didn’t look away though, keeping her gaze locked on her wife.  Something was up with Chloe and she wanted to know what it was.  Even in her weakened state she wanted nothing more than for Chloe to be happy and she couldn’t do that if she didn’t know what was wrong.

“Chlo, come on.” Beca insisted, taking a deep breath from the mask before continuing.  Squeezing her wife’s hand in an attempt to get Chloe to look at her again. “Talk to me.”

Beca continued watching her wife, waiting for her to look at her or explain...anything, but Chloe kept staring off into space, lost deep in her own thoughts. 

“Please, Chloe?” Beca asked again. She attempted to move over in the bed so she was closer to her wife but was only met with stabbing pain throughout her body, causing her to gasp and close her eyes tightly.  That got Chloe’s attention. 

“Are you ok?” Chloe quickly turned her attention to her wife, a mildly frantic look on her face. “Do you want me to get the doctor?”

“No.” Beca replied through gritted teeth, her eyes still shut tight as waves of agony washed over her.  “I want you to talk to me.”

“Beca…” Chloe sighed, running her hand through her hair as she pulled her chair up to the edge of the bed.  “It’s not that simple.”

“How is it not simple?” Beca gasped, turning again to her oxygen mask “You know you can tell me anything.”

“No I can’t!” Chloe was exasperated now, standing quickly as she began pacing next to the bed.  “Beca you don’t understand what it was like.”

Beca looked on confused, but grateful that Chloe was finally opening up. 

“Beca your heart stopped!  Twice.  Once in surgery and once when you woke up!” Chloe continued  “and I had to watch that, I had to watch your body go limp and hear the monitor flat line and you were _gone_ and for those moments my future was _gone_ and my life was _gone._ You don’t know what that was like!  You have no idea what that was like!”

“Chlo…” the younger girl breathed, not knowing what to say.

“Beca please, just give it a little more time.” Chloe begged, brushing away a tear that escaped her blue eyes. “Just don’t push yourself because I can’t go through that again.  Please don’t make me go through that again.”

“Comere.” Beca patted the bed next to her; the red head didn’t hesitate to lie down, wrapping her arm around her wife. Beca grit her teeth against the pain and lifted her arms to hold her wife, knowing that her physical pain was nothing compared to what Chloe had been though.  “I’m not going anywhere Chloe.”

“You don’t know that” Chloe sniffled into Beca’s gown “You’re still so sick and we don’t know so much and just please don’t leave me before you absolutely have to.”

“Hey shhh” Beca soothed, attempting to pull her wife closer to her, it was more painful, but she figured it would help her wife. “If I have any say in it, I’m never going to leave you.”

Chloe looked up with tear filled eyes “Promise?”

“Of course I promise, Chloe.  I love you so much; I never want you to be hurting. ” Beca assured her, her breathless voice barely above a whisper.  She leaned in and kissed her wife’s forehead before replacing the mask on her face, relishing in the effortless supply of oxygen while she held her wife, trying to find a way under terrible circumstances, to make her wife feel safe again.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's pretty short, and it's not my favorite chapter, but the next one would be super long if I didn't cut it off here.


	13. Chapter 13

“So you promise not to freak out if I need to switch back?” Beca asked Chloe as the nurse switched her oxygen mask. 

“Only if you promise to that you won’t push it.” Chloe countered, “If you feel like this one isn’t working well enough, you have to say something.”

“I will Chlo.” Beca’s voice was still raspy, but it had a little more strength in it.  It had taken her almost a full day of convincing to get Chloe to finally relent and agree that trying out the less obtrusive oxygen mask was a good idea and she was relishing in the small victory.  “And if it works, I can finally hold a conversation with you without needing to stop every 2 seconds.”

“I don’t know, you being quiet for once has been kinda nice.” Chloe joked, a smile breaking across her face. Beca rolled her eyes when she heard the heart rate monitor again speed up.  Yet another reason she wanted to get out of the hospital, being hooked up to the monitor gave away how her wife literally made her heart do funny things. It was giving Chloe way too much blackmail.

The nurse cleared her throat, getting their attention back. “This mask only delivers oxygen when you inhale, but unlike the air we breathe, it’s pure oxygen so it’ll still help you quite a bit.”

Beca nodded, giving her a chance to continue before Chloe inundated her with questions. 

“Right now, it’s all the way open, so you’re getting the most oxygen possible with each breath, you’ll be slowly weaned off it as your respiratory tests improve.” She continued. 

“Do you need me to explain anything else?”

“Will she be on this system when she’s released?” Chloe asked almost immediately “They said we may have to set up oxygen at our home and I just need to know so that I can get that ready.”

“We won’t know yet.” The nurse looked a little taken aback by how aggressively Chloe had asked the question “Beca seems to be doing remarkably well, so you may not need to.”

“When will we know?” Beca gave her wife a look, silently telling her to take it down a notch, but the red head ignored her.

“You’ll have to ask the doctor, but she’ll be in here for at least a few more days.  It’s really too early to tell.”

Beca groaned at the prospect of a few more days in the hospital, she was tired of being poked and prodded, tired of being woken up every few hours for tests and tired of sleeping alone since Chloe was forced out of her room every night, despite her protests.

“It’ll be alright, Bec.” Chloe assured her, as the nurse excused herself from the room.  “It’s only been 5 days and with them starting your chemo again this afternoon, maybe it’s for the best that you’re still here.”

“You have no idea how uncomfortable this bed is.” Beca whined “and I just want to sleep for 3 straight hours without someone waking me up for something.”

“Well go to sleep now, I won’t let them wake you up until then need to hook you up for your treatment.”

“I’m awake _now.”_

 _“_ So what’s the problem?”

“Chloe. I. Want. To. Go. Home.”

“Ok grumpy.” Chloe rolled her eyes and sat down next to the bed.  “You can’t go home right now. So you can either whine about it or try to make the best of it.”

“How am I supposed to make the best of it?” Beca asked, snark filling her voice. “They just took a huge chunk out of my lung, I can’t breath that well, I’m stuck in the hospital for god knows how long….and I have cancer.  How _exactly_ do I make the best of that?”

“Chill with the ‘woe is me’ Bec.” Chloe sighed, leaning back in the chair and crossing her arms.  “It’s not going to help.”

Beca groaned again, forcefully leaning back on her pillows with a huff, staring up at the ceiling.  Chloe had patience for a lot of things, but whining wasn’t one of them.  Beca loved when her wife called people on their crap, just not when it was her.

“I’m just...” Beca began, looking over at her wife. “I’m so bored.”

“Do you want your computer?” Chloe asked, leaning over and shuffling things in her bag to grab the laptop.   “Why don’t you work on a mix or something?”

“Nah.” Beca had thought of that before. “I think a hospital mix would have a weird vibe to it.”

“Speaking of mixes with weird vibes to them.” Chloe started, cocking an eyebrow at her wife “I have a bone to pick with you about a certain track you left me to listen to.”

Beca could feel her ears getting pink. “Sooo…you listened to them?”

“Just the one for the baby.” Chloe continued, she wasn’t really angry though, she understood why Beca made them, but thinking back to how scared they both were made her stomach turn. “You don’t get to leave death mixes for me to listen to while you’re in limbo.  That’s not fair.”

“I know Chlo, but I needed you to have them.”

“What even is the other one?  Do I even want to listen to it?”

“No!” Beca responded, turning quickly and wincing a little bit, which didn’t go unnoticed by Chloe.  “Don’t listen to it.”

The red head just shook her head. “Like…I get why you needed to make them and why you’d want me to have them if anything were to happen, but could you not have given them to someone else to give me afterwards? It was like sitting with a bomb in my pocket while I waited.”

“You think I didn’t think of that? Who would I give them to?  Who would I trust with that?”

“I don’t know, Aubrey and Jesse? Your dad?”

“Yeah my Dad would be the picture of responsibility if I died.” Beca scoffed, “and Aubrey would be too busy looking after you.”

“And Jesse…?” Chloe hadn’t missed that her wife had left out her best friend.

“Based on the fact that I haven’t heard from him once since he found out I was sick, I don’t think Jesse really gives a shit to be honest.”

“Beca…” her wife sighed “That’s not true and you know it.”

“Isn’t it though?” Beca tried not to snap at Chloe, but she couldn’t control the edge in her voice.  Thinking about it made her angry.  “I went through a really dangerous surgery and almost died twice. My dad has been here to see me and the step monster came too, Aubrey only went home when we made her and even then she comes back every few hours…Jesse hasn’t even called.”

“He’s scared Bec.”

“And I’m not?!?” The sudden raise in volume made her cough violently for a few seconds, Chloe dutifully handed her a cup of water and waited it out, trying not to let her face convey the how scared every cough from her wife made her.  “He’s supposed to be my best friend, Chloe.”

“Just give him some time.” Chloe was trying to calm her wife down, but she could tell that Beca was seriously upset that Jesse hadn’t shown up.  She was a bit upset too, she expected that he’d have at least stopped by with Aubrey once Beca was awake and out of the woods, but the blonde continued to show up alone and they never mentioned the elephant in the room.

“I don’t know how much time I have to give him.”

“Hey, don’t do that!” Chloe chastised, “you’re always telling me that you’re not going anywhere, don’t go down that path now.”

“He should have come by now though.” Beca sighed, slumping down into her pillows. 

 

* * *

Chloe excused herself from Beca’s room to go get some food, but before she got halfway down the hall she pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed her best friend.  

“Aubrey Posen.”

“Bree, I love you, you know that, but if your husband does not show his face around here in the next 24 hours I will personally make sure Jack grows up without a father.”

 

* * *

 

Beca and Chloe both looked up when there was a knock at the door.  Aubrey was standing there with a big arrangement of daisy’s in her hand, setting them on the table next to Beca’s bed before giving her friend a hug. 

“How ya feeling, Bec?” Aubrey asked, ignoring Chloe’s silent pleas for information.  After being friends for so long, they didn’t always needs words to communicate.

“Pretty much the same as when you were here this morning…and at your lunch break…” Beca smiled “thanks for the flowers though.”

“You’re welcome, Chloe told me daisy’s were your favorite.” Aubrey sat in the chair that was usually reserved for Chloe, but she was lying on the bed the smaller girl tucked under her arm. “I can’t stay for long, but I just wanted to stop by to say hey before you started your treatment.”

“You already missed it.” Beca half laughed, “finished about half an hour ago.”

Aubrey looked taken aback “I thought you’d be…sicker…”

Beca couldn’t hold back a laugh that time. “That’ll come later, don’t you worry Bree.”

The blonde frowned, unsure how to respond to her friends pretty upbeat demeanor about being sick.  “So I talked to my client, the oncologist, and he said he’d look your case over if you wanted.”

Beca groaned and buried her face in Chloe’s shoulder, she didn’t want to have this conversation again.   

“I appreciate it Aubrey, but really, I’m happy where I’m at.

“But he’s the best.” She protested, “Just let him look over your chart, see if he can think of another approach.”

“We have a good approach already.” She assured her friend, Aubrey was a control freak and since she had no way of controlling this, she needed to contribute in some way, Beca knew that and she loved her for it.

“but…30 per –“

“Aubrey it’s ok.” Chloe interrupted, not wanting her friend to finish that statement.  “We’ve talked about it, it’s ok.”

“But…”

“It’s ok.” Chloe was firm this time, holding Beca a little tighter.  She loosened her grip a bit and whispered a quick apology when she heard Beca gasp a little. She had to keep reminding herself that Beca was incredibly sore. 

“Well if you guys change your mind, just let me know. He’ll be able to fit you in.”

“We will.” Beca smiled, more to pacify her friend than out of genuine interest.  “Anyway, how’s my godson doing?”

“He’s good.” Aubrey smiled, “thanks to you he wants to be chased around 24/7.”

Beca laughed, a good solid laugh, the first one she could remember in awhile.  It hurt, but she didn’t mind so much.  “Gotta keep you on your toes somehow.”

“Yeah, well I’ll be repaying the favor for you guys in a few months, now won’t I?”

Beca cocked her head to the side confused, and then looked up at her wife with a quizzical expression on her face, Chloe just nodded.

“She knows?”

“Yeah.” Chloe sighed, she was a little conflicted, the way Aubrey had found out was far from ideal, but it had happened and she couldn’t change it now.  “She walked in when I was listening to your mix.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry Becs.  It wasn’t how I wanted her to find out either, you should have been part of it.”

“Nah, it’s cool.” Beca assured her once she wrapped her head around it, a mischievous grin spreading across her face.   “I mean, technically I was there…”

“You’re so funny.” Chloe deadpanned, not finding any humor in the time Beca had been unconscious.  “Regular comedian over here.”

“Just trying to lighten the mood.”

Chloe just rolled her eyes and turned back to her friend.  “You ready to be aunt Aubrey?”

“It’s gonna be aca-awesome.” That elicited a groan from Beca, who still gave her friend a hard time about her favorite phrase. Chloe had stopped using it years before, but for some reason Aubrey had never stopped adding ‘aca’ to everything possible.  “I hope it’s a boy so him and Jack can be best friends!  Oh, but if it’s a girl they could get married.”

Beca gave her a strange look, wondering if her friend realized what she’d just said.  Based on how pink her face was, she did. 

“Oh my god, I didn’t mean it like that. Of course if it’s a boy they could get married too if they want, whatever makes them both happy!” 

Beca and Chloe both laughed, it wasn’t the 1st time Aubrey had put her foot in her mouth like that and her reactions were always entertaining to the both of them. 

“Ugh, I hate how heteronormitive I am.” She sulked, scowling at herself.

“Bree it’s ok.” Chloe assured her friend still laughing at her reaction.  “Hell, I’m as gay as they come and I’m still catch myself doing that sometimes. It’s not a big deal.”

“But I don’t want you guys thinking – “

“ - We don’t.” Beca interrupted. “Stop beating yourself up about it Aubrey, it’s not a big deal.”

“You guys are too understanding.” Aubrey smiled, picking up her purse from where she’d dropped it on the floor. “But I have to head home, the boys will starve if someone doesn’t fix them dinner.”

An awkward silence came over the room at the offhanded mention of Jesse, Aubrey uncomfortably looked at her hands before standing up and giving both Beca and Chloe big hugs and walking out of the room.

“I’ll be right back Bec.” Chloe jumped off the bed and quickly followed her friend, having to jog down the hallway to catch up with her. 

“Aubrey, wait!”

The blonde turned around while she waited for the elevator, smiling as Chloe dodged a man being pushed in a wheelchair before stopping in front of her, slightly out of breath.

“What’s up?”

 “Is he coming?” Chloe held a stitch in her side as she looked at her friend. Aubrey’s smile fell a little bit.

“He said he was going to try after dinner, when I was home to watch Jack.”

“She’s really upset about it.” Chloe informed her friend.  She’d already told Aubrey all of this when she was on the phone with her earlier, but she figured a reminder wouldn’t hurt. 

“He’s upset too Chlo.” Aubrey tried to defend her husband, but deep down even she knew that he was in the wrong. “He doesn’t want to see her like this.”

“Neither do I and neither do you, and we’re _all_ upset Bree, but Beca needs to know she still has her best friend though all of this.”

“She should know that.”

“With how they left things, and now him not showing while she’s been in the hospital for almost a week, can you really blame her for wondering though?”

Aubrey sighed, brushing her hair back from her face. “He said he’d come, I’ll try and make sure he does but I can’t force him.”

Chloe let out an exasperated breath, her shoulders slumping a little.  “I guess that’s all I can ask for.”

“If it means anything, he asks about her every time I visit.  He does still care, even if he hasn’t done a great job of showing it.”

“Thank you.” Chloe gave her friend a small smile before pulling her into a hug “and thank you for being here all week, I know you have better things to be doing.”

“You know I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I care about both of you too much to stay away.”

 

* * *

 

“You want to try getting out of bed?” Chloe asked, stepping towards the bed.  The doctor had suggested to Beca that she should try and get up and move around, even if it was just to go to the bathroom or move to the chair. Beca had faltered at the thought though, knowing her body was weak and sore, she was scared to move. “The doctor said you should be up and moving by now, they won’t release you until you do.” 

Beca shrugged, she didn’t feel that great, still recovering from the after effects of her earlier chemo session.

“I’ll help you.”

“I’m really sore.” She wasn’t lying. She’d asked the doctor about it the day before and apparently it was from being shocked when her heart stopped, the electric current had made her muscles painfully contract.

“I know Becs, but Dr. Harold said the best thing for that was to get up and moving.”

The younger girl thought it over for a few minutes before nodding, finally giving into Chloe’s pleading looks. She wanted to get out of the hospital, not only for herself, but for Chloe as well.  It wasn’t good for her or the baby to be under so much stress.

“You won’t let me fall?”

“Of course not.” Chloe smiled reassuringly. Beca pulled herself so she was sitting completely on her own and moved the blankets to the side. She shivered a bit as the cold hospital air hit her legs, but was thankful that Chloe had helped her change into some shorts and a t-shirt the day before, walking around in a hospital gown seemed a bit to exhibitionist for her liking. Beca cautiously swung her legs over the side of the bed, but paused, scared to step down and put any weight on them.

“Here, put this on first.” Chloe handed Beca a new oxygen mask, attached to a portable bottle that was on wheels to drag around.

“I’ll just try without it.”

“Maybe not the best time to push it, why don’t we see how you’re feeling when we get back?”

“I’ll trip over it.”

“I’ll deal with it, you just focus on walking. Ok?”  Beca nodded, and took Chloe’s outstretched arm as she slipped off the edge of the bed, putting weight on her legs for the first time in almost a week.

It was a weird feeling, and her legs began shaking instantly.  The doctor had explained to her that the longer she stayed in bed not using her muscles, the more they were going to atrophy.  She hadn’t believed him though, having been in decent enough shape going into the hospital, she hadn’t thought a week would lead to such a rapid decline, but it had.

Chloe felt her wife shaking and wrapped her arm around Beca’s waist, trying to take as much of her weight as she could. The younger girl slowly took cautious step forward, hesitating before putting her weight down again, testing her legs.  Eventually though, she had enough confidence that her legs wouldn’t give out underneath her and she relaxed the death grip she had on her wife. 

“You ok?”

Beca gritted her teeth, concentrating on balancing and trying to ignore the soreness in her legs.  It felt like she’d just run a few miles, not that she ever ran to really know. 

“I think so.” She nodded, taking another careful step towards the door.  “Feels weird.”

Slowly but surely, they made their way out into the hallway where Beca quickly grabbed the railing that ran along the wall, using it to support most of her weight while still holding onto her wife for balance.

“You think we can go outside?” Beca asked hopefully, pausing to glance up at her wife.  She saw a skeptical look cross the red heads features. 

“I don’t know, babe.” She shrugged “It’s pretty far. I can always bring you out later in a wheelchair.”

“No wheelchairs.”

“Bec…”

“I can do it Chloe.” The older girl nodded, more to appease her wife than anything.  If they made it, they made it, but she was pretty sure they wouldn’t even get close. She knew that Beca would resist using a wheelchair at any cost, just like she resisted using oxygen as much as she could, Beca hated relying on things to get by, but she usually relented to her limitations sooner or later. “I just want some fresh air.”

“Whatever you want baby.” Chloe gave her wife’s arm a reassuring squeeze as they continued down the hall.

 

* * *

 

Beca hadn’t said anything, but Chloe could tell her wife was starting to regret her decision to try and make it outside. The brunette was trembling, holding onto the railing with white knuckles and her walking had slowed to a glacial pace. Chloe dutifully encouraged her, letting the younger girl control the pace, but internally battling whether or not to suggest they take a break and sit down.  It had only been 20 minutes, but they were far enough away from Beca’s room that Chloe knew they wouldn’t make it back, and they were still weren’t even halfway to the courtyard. 

“How you feeling?” Chloe asked cautiously, ready for Beca to either ignore the question or snap at her.  Instead the younger girl looked up at her wife for the first time in awhile and Chloe could see the sadness in her eyes, a look of defeat overwhelming her face.  “Hey Becs, it’s ok.”

“It shouldn’t be this hard.” She stopped walking and leaned against the wall, “I’m 25 years old, I shouldn’t have this much trouble walking.”

“You haven’t walked in almost a week babe. You’ll be fine, you just have to rebuild your muscles a little bit.  You seem to be breathing ok though, that’s great Beca!”

The younger girl just shrugged, but she did admit to herself she was breathing better than she expected.  Her respiratory tests had been getting consistently better, but she thought she’d be more out of breath than she was.

“What do you want to do?” Chloe asked, they couldn’t stay standing in the hallway forever and she imagined that standing in one place was probably harder than walking.  “Keep going? Head back?  Detour?”

Beca thought it over for a second, she’d long ago come to terms with the fact they weren’t going to make it outside, but she didn’t really know where they were either, all she knew is that she was a long way from her room and her legs felt like they were going to give out any second.

“I think I should probably sit down.” She hated admitting it, but she wasn’t getting anywhere on her own at this point.

“I’m gonna go find a wheelchair, are you going to be ok here?” Beca nodded, readjusting her grip on the rail and leaning even heavier on the wall, willing herself to stay up.  Chloe gave her arm a quick squeeze before she let go and hurried away in search of a chair for her wife. 

Chloe hadn’t been gone long but Beca knew she wasn’t going to be able to stand there much longer.  She anxiously looked around, hoping her wife was close because the longer she stood, the more pronounced the shaking in her legs became, and she knew it wouldn’t be too much longer before she couldn’t hold herself up anymore.

Another few minutes passed, and Beca resigned herself to the fact that her legs were going to give out at any second. She had tried sitting down on the floor, but she couldn’t figure out how to move her legs without completely losing her balance, so she just gripped the railing harder and willed Chloe to hurry up. 

Finally, the shaking in Beca’s legs overcame her, she held tight to the failing as her knees buckled, she hoped the floor wasn’t as hard as it looked.  Before she landed though, a pair of strong arms wrapped around her from behind, catching her before she hit the cold linoleum.  

“I’ve got you Becs.” A deep voice she’d know anywhere said, as she was pulled upward, away from the floor.  Beca looked up, still unsure of what had just happened, as she readjusted her grip on the railing, all of her weight being supported by her the tall man beside her. 

“Jesse?” She looked up at her best friend, who gave her a half smile as he looked down at her. 

“Sorry it took me so long.”


	14. Chapter 14

“Are you going to talk to me?” Jesse asked awhile later.  They were seated in the courtyard, Chloe having come with the wheelchair a few moments after Beca had almost fallen.  She had begrudgingly encouraged Beca to talk to her friend though, bringing her wife outside and then leaving her with Jesse to go make a few calls and grab some food.

Beca squinted against the setting sun, looking anywhere but at the tan man sitting across from her. 

“I said I was sorry Becs.” He signed, ruffling his hair as he let out a sigh.  “I really am.”

“Is that supposed to make it ok?” she half growled at him with a glare.  “You are my best friend and at the time I need you the most you freak out and bounce.”

“I didn’t know what to do.” He defended himself. “I felt helpless and I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing you so sick.”

“How do you think I feel?  Or Chloe?  Or hell, even your own wife?” She snapped, “They’ve stuck around though, they’ve been here.”

Jesse took a deep breath trying to figure out what to say next.  He knew Beca would be mad, he knew he deserved it, but he was there now and he wanted to make it right.

“It’s not exactly something I’m proud of Beca.” He finally responded, his voice softer. “I fucked up and I’ve been a shitty friend these last few days, but I can’t change that.”

“Whatever.” Jesse was agitated as he shook his head in disbelief. 

“What do you want from me, Beca?” He asked, an annoyed edge to his voice.  “I’m here and I’m trying to make this right, what do you want?”

“You not to be a jackass.”

“You are so freaking stubborn sometimes.” He sighed, again running his hand through his hair.  “I’ll come back everyday if I have to, I’ll bring movies and popcorn and make you sit through ‘Breakfast Club’. I’m not going anywhere Beca.”

“That movie is awful.” She tried to hide the smile on her face, but their debating over that movie always had that effect on her.

“That’s all you have to say?” he laughed “and for someone who hates that movie, it’s most notable song won you your first nationals.”

“The song is good.” Jesse just smiled and shook his head at his friend, used to this argument, having gone through it dozens of times over the years. 

“Listen, in all seriousness though, are we good?” He asked, his tone more serious “Because the thought of not being around when you need me most makes me sick, and I’m sorry that I’ve been such a shitty friend lately.”

“We’re good.” She assured him “But you better watch it or Chloe is going to kick your ass, she’s not happy with you.”

“Yeah I got that impression from the 1 word answers and massive side eye she was giving me.”

“You know Chloe, she’s good at holding grudges.”

“I don’t mind it so much when it’s not directed at me.”

“Try chocolate.” Beca suggested with a small laugh “Always works for me when I’m in trouble with her.”

Their conversation flowed effortlessly, as it usually did and they didn’t even notice the sun go down and the overhead lights kick on.  It wasn’t until Beca started feeling the after effects of her earlier chemo treatment did she realized how long they’d been outside.  She tried to ignore them, will herself not to get sick, but before she knew it she was leaning over the side of her chair and puking into a planter.

“Beca!” Jesse was shocked, one second she’d be talking to him like nothing was wrong, the next she was sick. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.” Her voice was low and she refused to make eye contact with him, too embarrassed over what had just happened. “We should probably go back inside though, it’s only going to get worse.”

Jesse nodded, standing up and pushing the chair back into the hospital.  Beca leaned against her hand taking deep breaths, her eyes closed as she tried to keep the nausea at bay.  It didn’t take long before they were back in her room, finding Chloe there who took one glance at her wife and immediately knew something was wrong.

“What did you say to her Jesse?” Chloe snapped, wrongly jumping to the conclusion that Beca was upset, not ill. She made her way over to her wife and helped her stand from the chair, leading her over to her bed where the younger girl quickly wrapped herself in the blankets while Chloe turned back to Jesse.

“I didn’t do anything!” he protested, “She just got sick.”

“You were out there too long!” the red head seethed “She had chemo this afternoon!”

“How was I supposed to know that?”

“If you’d been around instead of sulking like a 5 year old –“ Chloe started, the anger evident in her voice.

“- don’t even, Chloe.” Jesse whisper-shouted, he was trying to keep his voice down, glancing over at Beca who was curled up on her side facing away from them. “This isn’t my fault.”

“I cannot believe I left you out there with her alone.” She retorted, “Freaking irresponsible.”

“Are you kidding – “

“Would you 2 shut up!” Beca half shouted from the bed, not moving from the ball she was in. 

“Beca –“ Chloe’s voice was softer as she turned and looked at her wife. 

“It’s not his fault Chlo.” She rolled over to face the pair, pulling the blankets up higher to combat the shivering she felt coming on.

“See!” Jesse half shouted victoriously

“Shut it, Swanson.” The young brunette snapped, instantly wiping the look of glee off of her friends face.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, making his way over to the bed. “I should head out though, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He stuck his fist out towards Beca who gave him a brief smile before hitting it with her own and then quickly drawing her arm back under the blankets. He nodded towards Chloe who continued to glare at him before heading out the door. 

Chloe sat on the edge of the bed and bushed Beca’s hair out of her face, her hand lingering on her wifes cheek.

“How you feeling?” She asked softly, full of worry.

“Pretty shitty.” Beca nuzzled her face into Chloe’s hand, reveling in the warmth “You should cut him some slack, you know.”

“I’ll think about it.” She half smiled, leaning down and kissing her wife on the forehead.  “You need anything?”

Beca shook her head and scooted over to one side of the bed, making room for her wife who took the hint and laid down next to the smaller girl, wrapping her arms around her and felt Beca burrow into her.

“Just this.”

 

* * *

 

“Can we just go before he changes his mind?” Beca asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, her feet dangling a few inches from the floor.  She’d been in the hospital for 9 days and had finally been given the all clear to go home. Chloe was taking her sweet time packing up everything though. 

 “He’s not going to change his mind.” Chloe laughed, looking over at Beca who was restlessly swinging her legs. Her improvement over the last few days had been dramatic, but according to the doctor, expected. Beca was mostly off oxygen, only really needing it after strenuous activity or a coughing fit and could walk on her own, being limited only by becoming breathless, not because her body couldn’t take it.  “I just want to make sure I have everything.”

“Is it possible to be homesick when you haven’t left the city?” Beca mused, mostly to herself.  She’d gone much longer away from home, and away from everyone that made home _home_ but she’d never missed her actual house as much as she had the last week. 

“Sure it is.” Chloe smiled, breaking Beca from her thoughts as she picked up the bag and walked over to Beca, holding her hand out for her wife.  “So let’s get out of here.”

“Finally.” The younger girl smiled, sliding off the bed and walking with her wife out the door.  She found her pace frustratingly slow, but she was glad she could walk without having to give it much thought.  After a considerable amount of time, they finally made their way to the car, Beca’s smile impossibly big as she buckled herself into the passenger seat.

“How you feeling?” Chloe asked as she backed the car out of the spot, heading them towards home.

“Fantastic.” Beca beamed, she knew it wouldn’t last, she’d had her last treatment of the round that morning, but she was too excited about going home to let it get her down. 

Chloe couldn’t keep the smile off her face at the sight of Beca so excited.  It had been a tough 9 days for both of them, Chloe had really only been home a handful of times to change her clothes and shower, having spent most of her time at the hospital.  Once Beca had been moved out of the ICU a few days into her stay, they had a cot rolled in for Chloe to sleep on.   Seeing Beca genuinely smiling for the first time in days made her heart soar. 

 

* * *

“We _just_ had my office wired so I could work from home.” Chloe pointed out, sitting on the couch debating with her wife. 

“Yeah but I _always_ work from home.” Beca countered “You working from home is temporary, it makes more sense if it’s your office.”

“Maybe it won’t be temporary once the baby is born.” The red head responded.  They’d been going back and forth for hours over who was getting their office turned into a nursery, both thinking it was insane that the other didn’t see their point of view. “Plus you don’t _need_ an office, you can mix from anywhere, I need a desk and the hardwired internet connection, you just need your laptop.”

“I need a place I won’t be interrupted though.”

“What if we turn the dining room into your office?”

“Then we don’t have a dining room…”

“But we never use it except for holidays.” Chloe pointed out “It has doors so you can close yourself off if you want.”

“But where exactly are we going to have Thanksgiving dinner?  Or Christmas? Or Easter?” Beca thought the idea of turning their dining room into an office was absurd, it was a dining room.

“Probably at Aubrey’s, like we always do…”

“Eventually we’re going to have to host.” Beca countered “and we just spent like 2 grand on that dining room set.”

“We bought this house because there was room for our kids” Chloe groaned, flopping back against the arm of the couch. “We’ve got to figure something out.”

“We’re not moving, if that’s what you’re suggesting.” Beca sighed, “We couldn’t afford to even if we wanted to.”

“I don’t want to move.” Chloe assured her, “This is home.”

“Well then we’ve got to figure something out, because I want to get to work on this nursery in the next week or so.”

“What if we share?” Chloe suggested, the room she used was definitely big enough for both of them. 

“Won’t I distract you though?” Beca asked, she knew she hummed a lot when she mixed, and she fidgeted a lot.

“You distract me even when we’re not in the same room.” The red head smiled, it was true, she often found herself at her desk thinking about her wife and completely losing her focus on the work in front of her.  “It’s worth a shot though, right?”

“I guess so.” Beca smiled; glad they had that sorted out.  “But now what color are we going to paint the nursery?”

 

* * *

“Turn and lift young lady” Beca ordered from her spot at the end of their bed.  Chloe was getting ready for work, actually going into the office that day and Beca was just lazily sprawled across the bed, her iPhone in hand. 

“Not now, I look like crap.” Chloe retorted, keeping her back to her wife as she dug through her dresser.

“Pleeeeeeeeeease” Beca whined, her voice cracking a little bit.  “Petty please with a cherry on top?”

“Nope.”

“Pretty please…with me on top?”

Chloe stopped what she was doing and cocked an eyebrow at her wife, half in disbelief of what she had just said.

“Someone’s feeling better.”

“I am actually.” Beca smiled. She hadn’t really thought about it, but she was feeling better than she had since right after her 1st round, almost 2 months ago.  She was almost 3 weeks post-op and her breathing was better and she wasn’t coughing nearly as much, she still didn’t feel great, there was something just _off_ but she felt better all the same.  “And it would make me feel even better if you would lift your shirt up and let me take my weekly belly picture.”

“There’s barely anything to see, Becs.” Chloe walked over to where Beca was now seated on the edge of the bed, looping her arms around her wife’s neck and looking down at her.  “It just looks like I’m bloated.  It’s exceptionally unattractive.”

“There is _nothing_ about you that is unattractive.” Beca assured her wife, wrapping her hands around Chloe’s waist and pulling her closer.  “You’re sexy as hell from top to bottom.”

“You have to say that.” Chloe smiled.

“True.” She relented, “But that would be lying, and I’m definitely not lying about this.  You’re fucking beautiful Chloe, more beautiful than you’ve ever been.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.” Chloe frowned a little bit thinking about it.  She didn’t have a bump yet, but she was gaining weight and her clothes weren’t fitting her right. She’d been watching what she was eating and even talked to her doctor about it, but they said it was normal, that everyone developed differently.  She just wanted to be one of those cute women who only gained a belly and stayed toned everywhere else.  It had unfortunately become apparent to her though, that she was not one of those women.

“Well I’ll just have to remind you more often.” Beca smiled, leaning forward and kissing Chloe’s belly.  “You’re stunning.”

Chloe smile turned into a smirk as she pushed Beca back on the bed and climbed on top of her, straddling her hips. Hearing Beca talk about her like that had flipped a switch she hadn’t had flipped in awhile, but her physical need for her wife, a need she hadn’t fed for too long because of illness and busy schedules, was painfully evident in that moment. It took the younger girl a second to catch up, but she quickly pulled her wife down into a searing kiss, breathless when they broke a few moments later. 

“You’re gonna be late for work.” She breathed, a smile on her face, pink rising in her cheeks. 

“Totally worth it.” Chloe responded, leaning down and covering Beca’s mouth with her own.

 

* * *

 

“Ok so Beca, removing the tumor in your lung seems to have helped your breathing and coughing, which is excellent, it improves your quality of life greatly, but we’re not out of the woods yet.” Dr. Harold began.  The 2 women were sitting across from him in his office going over the scans that had been taken the day before in order to assess what she needed for her 4th round of chemo, which was scheduled to start that afternoon. 

“This is a picture of your left kidney,” He explained holding up a scan to show them, it looked like a blob with a dozen or so small white dots on it. “Those dots are cancerous masses, they’re tiny though, we can’t get them surgically and they don’t really seem to be responding to the chemo.”

“Can’t you just remove the kidney?” Beca asked, she didn’t know much about medicine, but she knew that people only needed 1 kidney to live. 

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. That’s an option, but if you look here, we have another issue.” He held up another scan, a larger blob with dozens more little white dots on it. “This is your liver, it’s worse than your kidney and we can’t remove it.”

“So what are you going to do?” Chloe asked, freaked out beyond words.  Beca seemed stunned as she sat beside her so the red head knew she needed to step up and ask the questions. 

“I want to start her on high doses of targeted radiation treatment along with her chemotherapy.  Removing the kidney is an option, but not ideal and since we already need to do radiation on her liver, it’s my recommendation that we target her kidney as well before we take drastic measures.”

“What is radiation treatment?” Chloe asked, confused by everything.  At least with chemotherapy it was pretty straightforward, she’d known people who had gone through it before, and they’d had time to research it before the 1st appointment.  This was all new.

“We basically shoot a beam of radiation at the kidney and liver for extended periods of time and it breaks up the small masses, which are then wiped out with chemo.”

“How extended are we talking about?”

“1 to 2 hours a day for a week straight, radiation in the morning, chemo in the afternoon, then we’ll reassess.” He explained, “It’s really the only option, but there is something you should know that you’re not going to like.”

Beca seemed to jerk herself out of her daze, nodding for him to go on as she held her wife’s hand closer. 

“For the time you’re undergoing treatment, and for a few days after, you’re in essence, radioactive.” Beca was taken aback by that, but waited for him to continue.  She was envisioning Incredible Hulk type side effects.  “Chloe is pregnant, while you’re undergoing treatment, you won’t be allowed near each other, not even in the same room.”

 

* * *

 

“I think it’s time we let Aubrey call that doctor.” Beca said as they drove home.  When Dr. Harold had told them they couldn’t be near each other, Beca had flat out refused to do the treatment, Chloe trying to convince her to reconsider, that it was the best option.  Eventually they both agreed to go home and talk about it, postponing her first chemo session until the next day.  

“He says it’s the best option.” Chloe reminded her, holding the steering wheel a little tighter, “It’s just a few days, we’ve been apart longer than that, it’ll be fine.”

“It can’t be the _only_ option though.” Beca scowled “and last time we were apart for any extended period of time, I didn’t have cancer and you weren’t pregnant. I’m not doing it Chloe.”

“Beca…”

“I’m not doing it.”

 

* * *

 

“What if the other doctor agrees that it’s the only option?” Chloe asked after dinner, she kept pestering her wife about it, hoping that if she did so enough, Beca would finally relent and allow the treatment. “Beca, you’ve gone on and on about how your trust Dr. Harold…he says this is what you need to do.” 

“Chloe, I’m not doing it.  Period.  Just drop it.”

“So what, you’re just giving up?” Chloe snapped, her voice a little louder “You’re going to stop fighting because we have to be apart for a few days?”

“I’ll keep doing the chemo, without the radiation.”

“The chemo alone isn’t working, Beca!” She didn’t like the idea of being away from her wife, she hated it, but if it meant it would make Beca better, she was more than willing.  Her wife being so adamant about not allowing the treatment was hurting her more than she wanted to let on.  “It’s not going to magically start working! That’s why he wants to start radiation with it!”

“Why are you yelling at me?” Beca’s face fell as she watched Chloe pace their living room. 

“I’m not yelli – “ She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself but her voice only decreasing in volume by a small degree. “I’m not yelling.  I’m mad as hell though. You’re giving up. You promised me you wouldn’t give up!”

“I’m not giving up!” Beca protested, looking incredulously at her wife.  “I just said I’m going to keep doing chemo!”

“So you’re going to keep doing a treatment that isn’t working, but won’t try one that has a good chance of helping make it better?” Chloe countered “That’s not fighting, Beca!”

“You think I’m not fighting this?” Beca stood from the couch, her volume matching her wife’s “You think I don’t get out of bed every single day and fight this? That dozen or so pills I take 3 times a day is me not fighting this _?_ That struggling through feeling like complete shit just to function like a normal human being is me _not fighting this?”_

 _“_ You won’t even try it Beca!” Chloe yelled, tears coming to her eyes but she refused to let them spill over.  “Do you realize what this is like?  To watch you go through this and then have you just refuse to try something that can save your life? To not be enough to make you want to fight!”

“What?!” Beca scoffed “You are the entire reason I’m fighting Chloe!  The entire reason I’ve put myself through hell these last few months.  You think I enjoy feeling this way every second of every day? I’m doing it all for you!"

“I didn’t realize I was such a burden!”

“I didn’t say that!” Beca shouted, throwing her hands up in disbelief “Don’t put words in my mouth Chloe!”

“Please Beca!  Just give it a shot!”  Chloe moved over to Beca and grabbed both of her wife’s hands in hers, pleading for the younger girl to try the new treatment.  Begging her to do what it took to stay alive.

“I can’t.” she sighed standing her ground, she didn’t know how to explain it to Chloe without it sounding like she was quitting, she wasn’t, but she just couldn’t do a treatment that kept them apart. “I won’t do it.”

“Fine!” Chloe snapped, dropping her wife’s hands and stormed towards the front door “but I’m not going to sit around and watch the woman I love die because she refuses treatment. I’m not going to do it Beca.”

And with that, Chloe walked out of the house, the door slamming behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the whole thing about pregnant people and radiation is actually true, it happened to one of my friends when her dad was undergoing treatment.


	15. Chapter 15

Beca waited around the house for an hour or so for Chloe to come back.  She was angry, she was seething, but as time passed she calmed down, she even, albeit begrudgingly, could see Chloe’s side.  But Chloe couldn’t see hers, she had no way to, she just didn’t understand.

When the sun started to set, Beca started to get a little worried, calling her wife’s cell phone, only to find it vibrating on the kitchen counter.  Eventually she gave up and went outside, both cars were in the driveway, so Chloe had to have gone wherever she went on foot, leaving Beca with only one obvious destination in mind. 

The young brunette found her wife exactly where she thought she’d be, on the swings at the park about a mile from their house. She approached quietly, taking the swing next to her without a word and they silently swayed together for a while before Beca broke the silence.

“You don’t understand Chlo.”

 “Then help me understand Beca.” Chloe begged after a moment, glancing sideways at her wife, “Please help me because from where I’m standing it looks like you don’t want to fight anymore and if you give up…I can’t lose you Beca.”

“I can’t – I can’t do this without you. I can’t do any of this…” she motioned to their surroundings “…without you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No but like…” she paused trying to figure out how to explain herself “There have been so many points throughout treatment where you are the only reason I’ve made it through.  You hold me after chemo when I legitimately feel like I’m going to die, and you help me deal with coughing fits and make sure that I can breathe and stay with me until I’m ok again.  I can’t do that without you.”

“Beca I’m not going away forever, it’s a week….and I’m not even going anywhere.”

“You don’t get it.” She tried to keep her voice level “after chemo when I’m weak and throwing up and can’t regulate my body temperature and my heart is racing and I actually don’t think I’m going to make it, you hold me together, you calm me down and warm me up, you save me every single time…if you’re not there…”

“Beca you’re going to be in a hospital, they’ll be able to help you way better than I do.”

“They’re not you though.”

“Bec…” Chloe sighed.  She didn’t really know what to say, but she knew that Beca needed the radiation treatment.  “What about me though?   I can’t live without you, and you’re refusing the only treatment left that may save you. Where does that leave me, Beca?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed “I don’t know about any of this babe, I just know I won’t make it through this next round without you and that scares the shit out of me because I don’t want to leave you.”

Chloe looked at her confused.

“Either way, I don’t make it.” She continued “I get the treatment but can’t overcome the chemo without you, or I skip the treatment and the cancer gets me.  Either way, I leave you and I don’t want to do that.”

“or you can get the treatment and make it through this round and get better.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“Maybe it is.” Chloe mused “and maybe there’s a way that I can still help you, we have skype and phones and the rooms have windows. I can still be there with you without actually being _with_ you.”

“But what if that’s not enough?”

“Think positive baby, please.” Chloe was begging again “You’re so strong and you’re strong willed too, you can make it through this without me having to physically be there.  I know you can.  Please just get the treatment.”

“What if something goes wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if they don’t notice how much I’m struggling after chemo the way you do? what if they miss it and I don’t make it?”

Chloe tried to suppress a small laugh “Bec you’re going to be hooked up to monitors, they’ll know.”

“But – “

“Beca please.” Chloe stopped swinging so she could turn fully and face her wife.  “Please just try, if you can’t stand it or something you don’t have to go through with it for the whole week, but please just give it a shot. For me?”

Beca would do anything for Chloe and they both knew that, she’d go to the ends of the earth for the red head who was gently swinging beside her.  This though, this seemed like it would push her in ways she hadn’t been before. She’d never really been through anything completely terrible without Chloe, the worst was her parents divorce. Chloe had been there for everything else, she had been there when Beca was told she wasn’t good enough to be a producer, when she struggled to find a job after college, and then when music executives had taken advantage of her ambition, almost breaking her passion, she’d also been there for the really personal stuff, like when Beca’s mom had a massive heart attack and almost died, and when her dad and the step monster had a baby and Beca didn’t know how to process it.  Chloe had been there for all the times that Beca struggled, she was her strength and the idea of going through something without her scared her more than she wanted to let on.

The younger girl thought about it for a second, and then just nodded, relenting to her wife’s pleas, like she had any chance of keeping her will when Chloe looked at her like that. 

“You have to promise me something though.”

“Anything.”

“You can’t just drop me off and leave me.” Beca sounded like a scared kid going to their first day of school, but the prospect of not seeing Chloe in person for over a week seemed too daunting for her liking “You have to come and see me, even if we have to be separated by glass or whatever.  I won’t make it through without you.”

Chloe laughed, a deep, solid laugh, as if what Beca had just said was the craziest thing she’d ever heard.  “Do you honestly think I could possibly stay away?”

 

* * *

 

Chloe unpacked Beca’s bags in the hospital room while her wife filled out the necessary paperwork for admittance. Since Beca’s last hospital stay, they knew what she’d want in her room, the things that would make her more comfortable and make her time easier.  The red head crawled behind the bed to plug in her wife’s computer charger, snaking the wire so that it ran up the side of the bed, wedging it between the rail so that it wouldn’t fall.  She pulled out a few pictures and set them on the table next to the bed, one of the 2 of them, 1 of Beca and her dad and a few of the Bellas.  She was trying to make it a little bit like home for her wife. 

Beca had been quiet all morning, she was dreading this stay for so many reasons.  Not only did she just hate the hospital in general, but she was also going to be going through chemo, radiation treatment and doing it all without her wife. She couldn’t really see any silver lining. 

She finished the paperwork, bringing it out to the nurses station and then returned to the room, tucking herself into Chloe’s waiting arms, relishing the few moments they had before her treatment was scheduled to start and she wouldn’t be able to touch her wife for over a week.

“It’s gonna be alright, Bec.” Chloe assured her with a kiss to the temple as the younger girl nuzzled closer, “it’ll be over before you know it.”

They stood for awhile in the middle of the hospital room, Beca folded into Chloe’s arms, the older girl occasionally whispering assurances to her and gently kissing her every once in awhile. Eventually Dr. Harold came in and broke up their moment.

“Sorry ladies.” He as a little bashful, but it also wasn’t the first time he’d walked in on them at a personal time. “We’ve got to get Beca down to radiology.”

“Already?” Beca had a scared edge to her voice, Chloe just gave her one more reassuring squeeze before letting her go, holding onto only her hand. 

“Yeah…sorry.” He looked down at Beca’s chart in his hands “they keep it on a pretty tight schedule down there, and with it being your first session it’s going to take a little longer than usual. You’ll probably want to change into more comfortable clothes though, it’s going to be about 2 hours and they’re going to lift your shirt up in the back to get a clear shot at the area. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

He left the room, leaving the 2 women standing awkwardly in the middle for a few seconds before Chloe finally moved. She grabbed a t-shirt and sweats from the Beca’s bag and handed them to her wife, knowing those were her go-to’s when she wanted to be comfortable, even if she refused to be seen in public wearing them. 

“I don’t want to do this anymore Chloe” Beca’s voice was small, scared.  “I changed my mind.”

“Bec…” the older girl sighed “you have nothing to worry about, the new treatment isn’t going to make you feel any worse, it has like no side effects, you don’t need to be scared.”

“I’m not scared.” She pouted, unbuttoning her plaid shirt and pulling the t-shirt over her head.  “I just…a week is a long time without you.”

The red head smiled softly and gently kissed her wife. “You’re such a softy.”

“Badass.”

“mhm, sure babe.  Whatever you say.”

Dr. Harold knocked on the door a few moments later and the 2 women followed him down to radiology, Beca holding Chloe’s hand uncomfortably tight.  When they finally reached the door, Dr. Harold stepped away to give them a second to say goodbye.

“I’ll be back the afternoon, ok Becs.” She pulled her wife into a tight hug, knowing that she wasn’t going to be able to do that for awhile. “Keep yourself busy in there, it’ll make the time pass faster.”

Beca clung to her wife, knotting the back of Chloe’s shirt in her hands as she nuzzled her face under her wife’s chin, she didn’t want to let go even though she knew they only had a few seconds. She held tighter when Chloe tried to let go. 

“Becs, it’s ok. This is the easy part, you won’t feel a thing.” The younger girl relented, letting go and looking up at her wife. “I’ll see you in a little bit, ok?”

Chloe leaned down and kissed Beca, it lasted a bit longer than she normally would in public, but it was going to be a week without even being able to hug her wife, she figured she got a pass on excessive PDA at the moment. 

“Love you, Chlo.” The brunette whispered, giving her wife one more quick hug. 

“I love you too, sweet girl.” Chloe smiled, letting go and watching Beca follow the doctor through the swinging doors to the radiology department.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few days, they fell into an uncomfortable routine.  Chloe stopped by the hospital in the morning, bringing Beca breakfast from her favorite breakfast spot, she’d sit outside the room in front of the window to the hallway, talking on her phone with her wife.  It was strange, being 10 feet from each other and having to talk on the phone, it wasn’t an ideal situation, but it worked.  

When Beca was taken down for her radiation treatment, usually around 9 or 10, Chloe would leave and head to work for a few hours, knowing that if she just went home she’d be unable to focus and would get nothing done.  She always came back to the hospital a few hours after Beca finished her chemo treatment, wanting to be there when her wife needed her most, and it had hurt her more than she imagined it could being unable to hold her wife when she was so sick each day. It usually lasted an hour or so, sometimes more, sometimes less, but Chloe stood by the window the entire time wishing more than anything else that she could just go into the room and help her wife instead of just standing in the hallway with her phone to her ear while Beca was curled up in the bed.   

She’d stay until around dinner time, by then the worst had always passed and Beca was urging her to go home and get some rest. She hated leaving for the night, it was the worst part for both of them.  She wished she could just stay at the hospital like she had the last time Beca was there, but she knew she needed to sleep in an actual bed, and not being allowed in Beca’s room made it pretty pointless to hang around too long.

By the time Chloe got home everyday, she was exhausted, ordering some sort of takeout and sprawling out on the couch watching Netflix.  She hated being in their house alone, she’d spent many nights in the house alone while Beca was out of town for work, but somehow in this instance, the house felt so empty without the small brunette. 

 

* * *

 

5 days into the treatment, Chloe was driving home after a particularly good day considering the situation. Beca hadn’t been super sick after chemo, the shivers not being nearly as violent as usual and only getting sick once. Chloe wondered why some days were better than others, but she didn’t dare ask, scared to jinx it. Beca was always so wiped out afterwards, it was nice to get a smile out of her wife before she had to leave, and that really only happened on ‘good’ days.  

Her phone rang from it’s spot in the cup holder, smiling when she saw Beca’s name come across the radio display as she pushed the talk button on the steering wheel.  “Becs I _just_ left, you can’t possibly miss me already.”

Beca didn’t respond though, and Chloe’s smile quickly dropped as her eyebrows knitted together in worry. “Becs?”

She strained to listen and finally heard a quite hiccup and a sniffle coming from the other end. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

She heard her wife take a deep, shaky breath, clearly trying to compose herself “My – I just – I tried –“ 

It didn’t work though, the speakers of Chloe’s car were soon filled with the sound of her wife crying, the red head pulled over into a parking lot, knowing that she shouldn’t be dealing with this and driving at the same time. 

“Beca, shhh, what happened?” Chloe soothed, hoping that her words would comfort her wife even though she had no earthly idea what was wrong.  She’d left the hospital less than 15 minutes earlier, and Beca was laughing and smiling, she had no idea what could bring on this change so drastically.  “You’re ok, Becs.  Just take a deep breath.”

“I – I took a shower.” Beca hiccupped, sniffling again. Chloe’s mind automatically went to Beca having fallen and hurting herself.  She was never super steady on her feet after chemo and she knew her wife would never ask for help showering from anyone except for Chloe.

“Did you fall, are you ok?”

“No – I…my hair.” Another round of crying followed and it all clicked for the red head, Beca was finally losing her hair.

It had been thinning for weeks, since after her 2nd round of treatment, but not enough for anyone else to notice. Chloe knew that it was a big deal to Beca though, she could pretend she wasn’t sick while she still had her hair, but she wouldn’t be able to hide it once she lost it.

“Baby it’s ok.” Chloe said in a soft voice, knowing nothing she told her wife was really going to help.  “You made it longer than they said you would, that’s a victory, right?”

“My hair.” Beca sobbed.  It broke Chloe’s heart to hear her wife so upset, especially about something like this.  Beca was never huge into how she looked, she didn’t bother with a ton of make-up or product, but her long flowing brown locks were something she took pride in, her wife knew that losing that was going to be hard for the smaller girl, and she was right. 

“I’m on my way back Becs.” Chloe assured her wife. “I’ll be there in 20 minutes. You’re ok babe, it’s going to be ok.”

After a few minutes of assuring her wife, Chloe was finally able to hang up, rushing home to grab a few things. When she got into the car she scrolled through her phone, looking for a number she didn’t call often and waiting patiently for an answer on the other end. 

“Chloe?”

“Can you be at the hospital in 10 minutes? Beca is upset and I need your help.”

 

* * *

 

Chloe had a bag tucked under her arm as she rushed through the doors to the unit Beca was in, looking around frantically. 

“Chloe!” she heard her name called from across the waiting room, looking over and seeing Jesse, half running towards her “What’s going on, you call me all cryptically and ask that I come to the hospital ASAP, what the hell? Is Beca ok?”

“Depends no your definition of ‘ok’” Chloe sighed, running her hand through her hair as they walked towards Beca’s room “her hair started failing out and she’s really upset, but I can’t go in the room and that’s where you come in.”

“What am I supposed to do?” He sounded confused, as if comforting his friend was a foreign concept to him.

“You go in there and you help her.” Chloe tried not to snap, but she didn’t have time for stupid questions, she pulled a pillow out of the bag and handed it to her friend “and give her this.”

“A pillow?”

“My pillow.” Chloe corrected him, as they approached the room “It’ll help, trust me.”

“No but really Chloe, what am I supposed to do.”

“She needs body contact.” Chloe explained, reminding herself that not everyone knew Beca’s quirks like she did. “When Beca is upset, really upset like she is now, she does best when she has someone there to hold her, or give her a hug or something.  Just let her cry into your shoulder if you have to.”

“and you think I’m going to be able to help?” he seemed nervous, Chloe knew from Aubrey that Jesse didn’t do well with emotions but it was his turn to step up.  “Aubrey would be better at this than me.”

“Jesse, _you’re_ her best friend, not Aubrey.” Chloe snapped, looking in the window to Becas room, her heart breaking a little when she saw her wife curled in a ball, her shoulders still shaking as she cried.  “Just do this for Beca, please.”

He gave her a skeptical look as he gripped the pillow tightly and entered the room.  Beca looked up, confused when she saw her best friend. “Hey Becaw.”

“Hey.” She sniffled, wiping her nose on a tissue, as tears continued to stream down her face. 

“Chloe wanted me to give you this, she said it’d help.” He held out the pillow for Beca and she quickly snatched it from his hands, hugging it against her chest and burying her face in it. The scent of Chloe brought on a new wave of tears though. 

“Wait, no it’s ok Beca.” He uncomfortably stood beside the bed, placing an awkward hand on her shoulder while she cried. “Hey, don’t cry.”

Chloe rapped on the window, getting his attention and giving him a stern look, her way of saying ‘do better’. He waved her off, trying to figure out what to do to calm down his friend. 

“Bec, hey it’s ok, it’s just hair, no big deal.” Chloe rolled her eyes from the other side of the window, having heard him through the glass.  She didn’t want to yell though, she was in public after all, and really, it wouldn’t help the situation. She could see Beca trying to pull herself together, hugging the pillow tight and taking deep, raspy breaths.

“Can you hand me that.” She mumbled, pointing to the oxygen mask hanging by the table as she took another deep and ragged breath. She didn’t really need it, she’d be fine without it, but a few breaths with it would help her catch her breath a lot faster.  Jesse scrambled forward and handed it to her, unaware that she was using it for comfort more than anything else.  Beca took a few deep breaths, feeling her chest loosen with the effortless supply of oxygen, before tossing the mask to the side and leaning back in her pillows, still clutching Chloes.

The tears were still running down her face, but she didn’t bother to try and brush them away, looking over at her friend who was still awkwardly standing beside her bed. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Chloe called me.” He shrugged, pulling the chair up to the side of the bed.  “She said you were upset, and since she’s not allowed in, she figured I’d be able to help.”

“You didn’t have to come.” She sighed, embarrassed, trying to prove it by hastily wiping the tears off her face “I’m fine.”

“Clearly.” He got a glare in return “Listen, I know I have no idea what you’re going through, but your hair will grow back and I don’t know, maybe you’ll be able to pull off bald.”

“You’re really bad at this.”

“You think I don’t know that.” He laughed “I said I’d be here for you though, so I’m here.”

“I’m fine, you don’t have to stay.”

“I’m here, may as well hang out for awhile.” he shrugged again, fishing out his phone “plus I’ve got new pictures of Jack that I figured you may want to see.”

Beca perked up at that prospect, pulling herself so that she was sitting up more and holding her hand out for the phone. Jesse scooted closer to the bed and started scrolling through the pictures, explaining the stories behind some of them.  There was one in particular that caught her eye, Jack, normally a pretty mellow child, was sitting on the floor, red in the face and clearly screaming at the top of his lungs.

“What the hell?” she laughed, amused that Jesse had thought to take a picture rather than calm his son. 

“He threw his blocks everywhere and one got stuck under the couch.” He explained, “I’d already told him not to do that, so I wouldn’t get it for him.”

“So you took a picture?”

“I figured it’d be good for the album we pull out to embarrass him on prom night.”

“You’re such a caring father.”

“You’ll understand soon.” He smiled over at his friend. There had been a point where if someone had told him Beca was going to be mom he would have scoffed and called them a liar.  She was so caught up in her music, even when she started dating Chloe her life revolved around music and the music industry, she never seemed to have any desire to slow down.

Slowly though, he’d watched her change, evolve. As her relationship with Chloe grew, she’d gotten closer with not only her then girlfriends family, but her own as well and her views about them changed.  The girl who had once been content with only Chloe, grew open to the idea of a big extended family, and even kids, and now her wife was expecting a child. He couldn’t help but smile when he thought about it. 

“Stop smiling like that.” Beca snapped him out of his thoughts, wiping the last few escaped tears from her face. “You’re creeping me out.”

“Sorry.” He kept smiling though “I’m just excited for you.”

“Still a long way away.” She mumbled, she hated that too.  She wasn’t anywhere near ready, but she really just wanted to hold her baby at this point.

“She’s close to 4 months now, right?”

“Almost 14 weeks.”

“That’s when the fun starts!” Jesse exclaimed, a little louder than he meant to.  “The 1st trimester sucks, Chloe probably felt like crap all the time and the last trimester she’ll probably feel like crap again because she is so uncomfortable, but this is the fun part.”

“Did you read that all in a baby book?” Beca deadpanned, trying not to smile at her friends overt enthusiasm.

“I lived it.” He boasted, pointing to the picture on his phone screen of Jack smiling widely “I made that.”

“Gross.”

Jesse stayed with Beca for another half hour before she finally convinced him that he could go, he gave her a big hug, promising to be back the next day before walking out, making sure to give Chloe a hug as well. 

The red head had taken a seat near the nurses station, she sat there for hours every day and the nurses gave her pitying looks, but otherwise left her alone.  It wasn’t a waiting area, just a single, solitary chair that no one used, so they offered it up to her so she didn’t have to stand the entire time she was there.

After Jesse left, she made her way over to the window to Beca’s room, her wife was laying in bed doing a crossword, Chloe’s pillow tucked under her arm, the red head smiled at the simplicity of it. She tapped on the window to get her attention, a smile crossing Beca’s face when she saw her before pushing aside the blankets and walking over to the window. 

“Thank you.” Beca said softly, her voice muffled by the glass between them.  She put her hand on the window, Chloe mirroring her, the closest they could get to touching under the circumstances. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were ok.” She half smiled, it didn’t reach her eyes though.  Beca had been so upset, and not being able to be the one that helped her still stung.  “You scared me.”

“Sorry.” The younger girl dropped her wifes gaze, embarrassed at how upset she had gotten over something she knew was going to happen eventually. 

“You don’t have to apologize for that.” She assured her wife.  “Your reaction was natural. If it’s any consolation, you’re still going to be just as beautiful.” 

“You have to say that.”

Chloe shrugged, leaning her forehead against the glass. Beca took note of how exhausted her wife looked.  Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and the bags under her eyes were puffy and dark. She couldn’t recall seeing Chloe this tired in years.  She knew she shouldn’t have been surprised though, Chloe hadn’t slowed down or relaxed at all in the days she’d been in the hospital. 

“You ok, babe?” she asked, worried.

“Just a little tired.” The red head forced herself to smile, she didn’t need Beca concerned about her right now, the younger girl needed to focus on herself.  “You know I don’t sleep as well without you.”

“You should go home and relax.” Beca suggested “Tomorrow is Saturday, you don’t have to work, sleep in, be lazy. You don’t need to wear yourself out coming here all the time.”

“I promised you I would though.”

“and I’m telling you it’s fine.” She smiled, trying to reassure her wife.  “You’re pregnant Chlo, and you’re spreading yourself too thin and I’m being a selfish asshole letting you.  You need to take care of yourself.”

“You’re not being selfish, Bec.” she sighed, “and I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Beca just shook her head, wishing more than anything that the window wasn’t between them.  

“Chloe, I love you, but go home, get some sleep. I’ll be fine here.”

“You sure.”

“Yeah.”  She smiled.  “and it’s not like we can’t talk when you’re home.  We can Skype and watch a movie together like we used to do when I was out of town…if you want.”

“That sounds kinda great actually.”

“Then get outta here!” Beca smiled “Take a bubble bath, put on some comfy clothes and call me when you’re ready. I’ll be here.”

Chloe smiled again, the twinkle back in her eyes. “Ok, fine.  I’m going, I’m going.”

“Bye baby, I love you.”

“Love you too, Becs.  I’ll talk to you soon.”

And with that, Chloe walked off down the hall, she turned to look back and saw her wife still standing in the window watching her. She blew her a quick kiss from down the hall before stepping onto the elevator and heading home.

 

* * *

 

“Please tell me I can go.” Beca groaned when Dr. Harold walked into the room.  They had done a test to check the levels of radiation still in her system about an hour before, when she would be released would be determined on the results. “I’ve been done with treatment for 2 days, I’m wasting a bed here.” 

The doctor chuckled before closing Beca’s chart. She’d been chomping at the bit for the better part of the last 2 days wanting to go home, incessantly bugging her doctor about it.  She understood why she couldn’t, and the last thing she wanted to do was put her unborn child at risk, but she really hated the hospital. 

“How are you feeling, Beca?” he asked, standing at the foot of her bed. 

“Non-radioactive.” She pouted, wishing she would just tell her the results.

“You just finished your 4th round of chemo, most patients would be stuck in the hospital for that reason alone, too weak to go home.”

“Well I’m not most patients.” Beca crossed her arms and set a steely gaze on the doctor, trying to make sure he knew how set she was on leaving. 

“So I’ve learned over the last few months.” He flipped through her chart quickly looking for something, “it does say here though that your episodes after treatment are quite violent, and that often they had to give you heated IV fluids to regulate your body temperature and keep you hydrated.”

“but I’m done with treatment for awhile so what’s the big deal?”

“Just surprising that you’ve managed to handle that at home by yourself before this round.”

“I haven’t been by myself.  I’ve had Chloe….who I’d really like to go home to.”

“I get that impression.” He laughed again “and your tests all checked out, you’re good to go.”

“Thank god!” Beca smiled, heavily leaning back into her pillows. 

 

* * *

 

“Georgia Pharmaceuticals, this is Chloe Beale.” The red head answered the phone on her desk mechanically, without even looking at the caller ID, no one she knew called her work phone anyway. 

“Hey Chloe Beale.” It took her a second to place the voice, but then a big smile crossed her face.  “You think I can pry you away from that sick lady in the hospital for the night?  Show you a good time?”

“Beca!” she laughed, leaning back in her chair and twirling the phone cord around her finger.  “Did you get the tests back?  Do you need me to come pick you up?”

“Yeah, I’m free to go.” Chloe could hear the excitement in her wife’s voice “But I don’t need you to pick me up.”

“Wait, wha –“

“I’m already here.” This time the voice wasn’t from over the phone, Chloe spun around quickly and in a blink was launching herself out of her chair at her wife who was casually leaning on her office door. “Hey Chlo.”

They stood there, in the doorway of Chloe’s office just holding each other for well over what was probably socially acceptable. Chloe’s co-workers all knew the situation though, so they weren’t really worried about it. Beca nuzzled her face into Chloe’s shoulder, immersing herself in the senses that she’d been missing for 8 days, refusing to let go. 

“How’d you get here?” Chloe asked, trying to lean back a little bit to look at her wife, but Beca held her tighter. “I would have come pick you up.”

“Jesse gave me a ride.” Beca smiled into Chloe’s shirt “I wanted to surprise you.”

“Well you definitely did.” Chloe tried to lean back again, but Beca once again just pulled her tighter. 

“Not yet.” She mumbled, inhaling deeply and being overcome with comfort at Chloe’s trademark scent. 

“If you don’t let go I can’t kiss you though.”

“Well when you put it that way.” Beca leaned back enough so that Chloe could briefly place her lips on her wife’s. It was nothing earth shattering, they were in public after all, but it was enough.  “I missed you Beca.”

“I missed you too baby.” Beca finally let go, still holding both of her wife’s hands though as she took a step back to get a good look at her the red head.  She wasn’t subtle about checking out her girl. 

“You’re a frat boy, you know that?” Chloe laughed

“oh hush.” Beca blushed, leaning in and kissing her wife again.  “I haven’t been able to really look at you in a week, I feel like I get a pass for that.”

“I guess I’ll let it slide.” She laughed, “But only because I’ve missed you so much.” 

 “You spoil me.” The younger girl winked “You think I can steal you away for lunch?”

“I think we can manage that.” Chloe grabbed her purse from under her desk, “and if you actually think I’m coming back here afterwards you really don’t know me that well.”

Chloe poked her head in her bosses office on the way out to tell him she was taking off for the rest of the day. As they headed towards the door, they were stopped several times by Chloe’s co-workers who gave Beca encouraging hugs and warm smiles.  She thought it was kind of odd, she’d only met most of them a handful of times at company picnics, but she found it oddly comforting that she had so many people in her corner, even if she didn’t even know them that well. 

When they finally made it outside into the Georgia sun, Chloe wrapped her arm around Beca as they walked towards her car, planning on enjoying every second of their simple afternoon together, because she knew they didn’t come around too often.


	16. Chapter 16

Chloe tried to be as quiet as she could, careful not to wake her wife who was wrapped tightly in the blankets. It was early, earlier than she normally got up, but she had to go into the office for meetings and she was hoping that if they could start earlier, maybe she could come home sooner as well.

She tiptoed to the bathroom with her clothes in hand, only turning on the light once she had the door closed behind her. She never changed in the bathroom, but her wife had been so tired since coming home from the hospital, she really didn’t want to wake her.  Beca’s change since coming home scared Chloe, the obvious physical change of her hair being pretty much gone was apparent, but Beca had next to no energy and the older girl could tell that her wife wasn’t feeling well even if Beca would deny it until she was blue in the face.  Initially Chloe had written it off as the aftereffects of Beca’s latest round of treatment, but it was now close to a week off chemo and Beca didn’t seem to be bouncing back like she usually did.

The red head took a long look at herself in the mirror, the ‘glow’ she was supposed to be experiencing was nowhere to be found, instead she was pale with big bags under her eyes, she looked like a mess. She wouldn’t ever admit to anyone, especially Beca, how tiring and stressful this experience was on her. She was trying to balance everything, work, family, friends and on top of that trying to help Beca and stay healthy for their baby.  She was ashamed to admit that the last part had kind of taken a back burner with everything; it was so hard to focus on herself and the baby when everything else was going on.

Chloe emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, having spent extra time on her makeup trying to conceal the marks the stress was leaving on her face.  She quietly padded over to Beca, frowning a little to herself when the younger girl didn’t even stir when she left a brief kiss on her forehead, grabbed her shoes and hurried out the door trying to leave her worries about her sick wife behind, even if it was just for a few hours.

 

* * *

 

 

When Chloe got home she was surprised that Beca wasn’t sprawled out on the couch.  That was her move the past few days, get up from bed, swallow a few bites of food (at Chloe’s urging) and then lay down on the couch for the rest of the day.   The red head smiled hopefully, imagining the only place Beca could be if she wasn’t on the couch would be in her studio.

She wasn’t though.  Chloe’s heart sank a little when she opened the door and Beca’s office was empty, meaning the only other place Beca could be was their room…still in bed. 

Sure enough, when the older girl opened their bedroom door, Beca was still bundled under the covers, the only change from when she’d left hours before was that Beca was now laying on her left side rather than her right.  Chloe sat on the edge of the bed, brushing the few wisps of hair Beca had left out of her face and kissing her gently on the cheek, this time at least, the younger girl mumbled something.  

“Hey Bec.” Another unintelligible mumble. “Have you been up at all?”

The younger girl rolled over so she was facing her wife, haphazardly swinging her arm over Chloe’s lap, but didn’t open her eyes. Chloe could tell Beca was at least slightly awake, but she wasn’t sure how much she was actually aware of.

“I’ll take that as a no.” she sighed mostly to herself “You want some food?”

Beca didn’t respond, instead Chloe noticed that the younger girls breathing had deepened and evened out.  She’d fallen back asleep. The red head sighed to herself again, before getting up and changing from her work clothes and heading downstairs to pass the time while she waited for her wife.

 

* * *

 

Chloe was sitting on the couch watching TV when Beca came downstairs a little while later.  She had pulled an oversized hoodie on over the t-shirt she slept in, the sweatpants she was wearing were dangerously close to falling off of her frail frame. Chloe tried to smile, she was happy to see her wife out of bed, but she couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness seeing the state Beca was in.  

The younger girl didn’t say anything, walking over to the couch and curling up into Chloe’s waiting arms.  She was tired, exhausted really, even after having slept for more hours than she could count.  She slept more than she was awake at this point and she hated it, but she couldn’t help it.

“You sleep ok?” Chloe asked, pushing the hood off of Beca’s head only to have her wife quickly pull it back up. That was another thing that happened often since Beca got out of the hospital, she was always wearing a hood or a hat to cover her now baldhead.  Chloe tried to assure her that she didn’t need to, but the younger girl didn’t listen, even wearing them in the house. 

“Yeah.” Beca mumbled looking at the clock and realizing she had slept for close to 14 hours straight.  “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry babe.” Chloe assured her with a gentle squeeze.  “I just wish you felt better.”

“I feel fi-…” Beca started, but stopped when she saw the disbelieving look her wife gave her.  She couldn’t get anything past the redhead.  In truth, she couldn’t exactly pinpoint what was wrong, she just felt off.  She was dizzy a lot and had no appetite, when she did eat she struggled to keep food down and then tried to hide that from her wife. But even when she was sitting on the couch with an empty stomach, she just didn’t feel well. 

“Maybe we should call Dr. Harold, see if he can do anything.” Chloe offered.  Beca just shrugged in response, it wasn’t like she hadn’t thought of that, but everything she was feeling was a normal side effect of both her illness and the treatment.   “It can’t hurt.”

“Yeah, maybe.”  Beca responded noncommittally turning back to the TV. Chloe let it slide, she knew Beca didn’t like admitting she needed help but she couldn’t stand to see her wife so ill. It was something that she wouldn’t get used to, even though Beca had been in treatment for almost 4 months. “How was your meeting this morning? I didn’t even hear you leave?”

“Yeah you were pretty dead to the world.” Chloe tried to force herself to laugh a little, but she couldn’t help but be a little sad.  “The meeting was ok, drawn out way longer than it needed to be because no one could agree on anything.”

“What was it about?”

“Compassionate early release of some drug. Half of them are worried it won’t work and we’ll get bad press.”

“But if it does work, then you’ll get a lot of good press.”

“Yeah, but it probably won’t.” Chloe sighed. “It’s not designed for what they want to use it for, and it’s not even working well for what it actually is designed for in the early phases of testing.” 

“Then why does someone want to use it? It’s a lot of work to get an early release for stuff like that.”

“Hope.” Beca cocked her eyebrow confused so Chloe continued, “I don’t know the whole story, but they’ve run out of treatment options and whoever it is apparently really sick.  They just want something else to try, they don’t want to give up yet.”

“What do you think they should do?”

“Let them have it.  I mean, if it doesn’t work it doesn’t work, but it’s someone’s life and it’s their last option.”

“You sound like you’ve thought a lot about that.”

“Not really, I mean we’ve had inquiries like this before and my opinion on it hasn’t changed.  The way I look at it, what if it was you or my brother or Aubrey or Jack? I’d want every possible treatment available as an option for you, for them.  They don’t approach us for release unless it’s the last option, I can’t imagine taking that hope away from someone.”

“But what if it were to make them sicker?”

“It’s already their last hope they’d die without it anyway, but if it works it could cure them, or at least give them more time. I really see no downside to it.”

“You’re so optimistic.” Beca smiled, leaning up and kissing her wife on the cheek.  “I love that about you.”

“It’s not really optimism, I don’t think.” Chloe shrugged, “It’s compassion.  Everyone deserves every chance they can to fight.”

Beca knew her wife was a compassionate person, it’s just who she was, it basically seeped from her pores, but hearing her talk like that made Beca’s heart beat a little faster.  She loved discovering new things about her wife, like her straightforward stance on a really complicated topic.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Beca stood up from the couch and held her hand out for her wife.  “Come on, I’m bringing you out to lunch.”

Chloe smiled, but stayed where she was. “You sure you’re up for that Becs?”

“Yeah, I feel great, come on!” she reached down and grabbed Chloe’s hand, pulling her wife to her feet.  In the process, her sweatpants started falling down again and she quickly grabbed them while her wife burst into laughter. “Maybe I should change first...”

 

* * *

 “You sure you’re feeling ok?” Chloe pressed for what seemed like the millionth time. They were seated at their regular table at their regular lunch place, a small family run joint with killer tacos. Beca didn’t look well though, and Chloe had a hard time differentiating between what was ordinary ‘Beca has cancer’ not feeling well look and what was ‘Beca really doesn’t feel well we need to go home’ look.  

“I’m fine Chlo, I promise.” Beca said, taking a small bite of her taco.  “I’ll tell you if that changes, but for now I just want to enjoy the afternoon with my wife.”

“Ok, ok I’m just worried.” Chloe defended, “anyway, how’s that mix going that you’ve been working on?  I forgot to ask you about it yesterday.”

Beca scowled and pushed the rice around her plate.

“That good, huh?” Chloe teased. She was used to seeing Beca upset about her mixes, she went through slumps where she wouldn’t make anything she liked, it would consume her until she could finally get it just the way she liked it.  It wasn’t uncommon for Chloe to find her wife sitting at her laptop at 3 in the morning, completely starting a mix from scratch because she didn’t like the way 2 cord progressions flowed into the next.

“I’ve been tired.” Beca frowned, stabbing her fork at a piece of avocado that had fallen out of her taco. “I haven’t had much time to work on it and when I do I can’t get it the way I want it.”

“Who’s it for?”

“Just a commercial.” She sighed “they reassigned most of my artists and the ones that didn’t want to be reassigned have been ‘indefinitely postponed’ as my boss put it.”

“I’m sorry Bec.” Chloe reached over and held her wife’s hand across the table.  “I know you were really looking forward to some of those.”

“Fucking cancer,” the younger girl mumbled. Chloe gave her a sympathetic look at squeezed her hand; there wasn’t much else she could do. 

The waiter came a short time later with their check and the two women headed out towards their car.  It was unseasonably warm for September, even by southern standards, but Chloe didn’t miss the way her wife shivered when she felt a slight breeze.

“Why don’t we head in here?” Beca mentioned as they walked past a large store.  Chloe looked in the window and noticed that it was a baby store, selling clothes, furniture and all the random things that babies needed.  She couldn’t help but smile. 

They hadn’t done any shopping for the baby yet, they’d been too preoccupied on everything else and at only 18 weeks it wasn’t like they were way behind the game.  It was just something that had taken a back burner to Beca’s treatment and work and trying to keep some semblance of normalcy in their lives.

“You sure you feel up for that?”

“Chloe.” Beca warned, opening the door for her wife. She knew Chloe’s heart was in the right place, but she just wanted to focus on something other than being sick for a few hours.

“Ok, sorry.”  She gave her wife a quick kiss as she passed through the door, her eyes instantly lighting up when she saw the aisles and aisles of products inside. She let out a squeal of excitement as she immediately walked up to the first rack of clothes and starting going through them, her wife dutifully getting a cart, mentally preparing herself for how much money Chloe was going to spend.

“Which one do you like better?” Chloe asked, holding up 2 onesies, one with music notes, the other with music instruments. “Since we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, I figured these were safe?”

“Why don’t we get them both?” Beca asked with a smile, “you can get them in different sizes so they can wear one right away, and the other when they’re a bit bigger.  I read that they outgrow clothes really fast from like infancy until they’re like 5.”

“You read that?” Chloe asked, cocking an eyebrow as she placed both in the cart. “Since when have you started reading baby books? And how did I not know about it?”

“Since pretty much the day after you told me.” Beca smiled, she had hid the books in her nightstand, knowing Chloe would make a big deal out of it.  Plus, until her wife was far enough along, she didn’t want to get her hopes up so she had kept it to herself.  Now it was just a habit to stash the books when she was done.  “And it’s not a big deal.”

“No, of course it isn’t.” Chloe nodded to appease her wife, a smirk showing across her lips.  “Wouldn’t want to mess with my wife’s badass image and show her for the softy she really is.”

“I’m not a softy” Beca scowled, nudging her Chloe with the cart.

 

* * *

 

An hour later, Chloe’s enthusiasm hadn’t diminished even a little, but Beca was starting to feel off.  She pushed through though, knowing they were making it towards the furniture, the part that she was most excited about, plus she hadn’t seen Chloe this happy in a long time.  She could make it awhile longer, she didn’t want to mess up their afternoon. 

 “Becs, what about this one?” Chloe asked, leading them over towards a white nursery set.   “It’s got the crib, changing table and a dresser.”

Beca looked at it, then at the price and shook her head.  “It’s too expensive babe, plus it’s not really neutral.  I can’t picture a boys room with white furniture.” 

“White is like _the_ most neutral color.”

“Black is more neutral.” Beca countered “and that doesn’t change the fact that this set is too expensive.”

“You would want black.” Chloe scoffed, still staring at the white furniture. 

“I never said I wanted black” Beca pointed out as she walked towards another set, wincing at the price.  “just that it was more neutral.”

“I told you _months_ ago that I have a feeling it’s a girl.” Chloe counted as she dragged her wife over to another set. 

“That’s a lot of money to spend on ‘a feeling’” Beca took a second to gather herself once Chloe let go of her hand, the room was spinning a little bit.  “Even if it is a girl, our next one may not be and then we have to do this all over again?”

Chloe grinned when Beca mentioned another child. They’d talked about it before, but just hearing her say it made her indescribably happy.

Beca loved seeing her wife smile so much and she hated that it had been so long since her wife had been able to completely let go like this, but she was feeling worse and worse by the second. She leaned against the cart and watched her wife dart back and forth between the furniture sets, trying to keep a straight face as the store spun around her and her heart raced.

“Beca?” She felt her wife’s hand on her back, she tried to focus on the red head who was now standing beside her, a look of worry on her face.  “I called you like 5 times, are you ok?”

“Yeah I’m good, sorry.” Beca tried to smile “Just daydreaming, what’d you want to show me?”

Chloe clearly didn’t believe her, but she let it slide, knowing that Beca had had enough of her pestering. “There’s a set over there that I like, and it’s not going to blow the budget either.”

“Lead the way.”

Chloe cautiously walked away, allowing her wife to follow with the cart, leading her to a mahogany nursery set that she thought Beca would really like. 

“What do you think?” Chloe asked, looking back at her wife.  Beca was pale and she could see the glimmer of sweat on her face.  What scared her most though, was how her eyes were slightly glossed over and unfocused.  The older girl walked over to her wife, taking her hand and leading her over to one of the rocking chairs nearby, forcing her to sit down.  “Bec, what’s wrong?”

Beca was almost completely out of it at that point. She heard Chloe talking to her but she couldn’t really make out what her wife was saying, let alone respond. She was too focused on trying not to pass out. 

“Baby, look at me.” Chloe put her hands on either side of her wife’s face, panic running through her as she silently cursed herself for not checking on Beca more.  “take deep breaths.”

The red head noticed a few people watching nearby but ignored them, it wasn’t uncommon for people to look anymore. People tended to stare at Beca since she lost her hair, it drove her crazy but she tried to ignore it, knowing how much it bothered her wife.  It was annoying her even more right now, Beca was struggling and she didn’t need an audience.

“Ma’am, is everything ok?” Chloe’s head whipped around to a concerned looking employee, most likely alerted by the people milling around. 

“Can you call an ambulance?”  Chloe tried to keep her voice level, but her panic was clearly evident. 

No sooner were the words out of her mouth, did Beca pass out into her wife’s arms.


	17. Chapter 17

“Dr. Dan Harold.” Chloe half yelled at someone “he’s in the oncology department, can someone please let him know that Beca Mitchell is in the ER!”

Beca heard someone respond to her wife, and Chloe huff out something in return before she opened her eyes and took in her surroundings.  Like Chloe had said, she was definitely in the emergency room, lying in a bed in a curtained off cubical, an IV poking out of her arm. 

She could hear her wife berating a poor nurse somewhere nearby, but she wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, she couldn’t remember what had happened to land her there.  Without warning, the curtain was quickly ripped back and a very angry Chloe walked in, stopping in her tracks when she saw that Beca was awake.

“You’re up!” she quickly made her way over to the bed and gave her wife a brief kiss.  “How are you feeling?  Do you remember what happened?”

“Groggy.” Beca croaked looking around at her surroundings “Water?”

The red head pulled a bottle of water out of her purse, took the lid off and handed it to her wife.  Beca tried to lift it to her mouth, but her hands were so shaky that it was sloshing water everywhere.  Chloe took the bottle from her hand and lifted it up to her wife’s lips, letting her take a few small slips before setting it on the table.

“I passed out, didn’t I?” Beca asked, averting her gaze away from her wife. 

“Yeah, ya did Beca.” Chloe’s voice had an edge to it. “You should have told me you weren’t feeling well.  We would have gone home.”

“We were having fun.” Beca responded, her voice cracking a little bit.  “I didn’t want to ruin the afternoon.”

“So you pushed yourself and ended up in the hospital?” Chloe snapped “Hate to break it to you Beca, this is a lot worse than us having to cut our shopping short.”

“Sorry.”

“You can’t keep pushing yourself like that Beca.” Chloe sighed, running her hand through her hair.  Beca could see how stressed out her wife was and she silently berated herself for adding yet another thing that Chloe had to worry about. “You’re not a superhero, you’re sick.”

“I know.”

“Then why do you keep doing it?” Chloe was trying not to scold her wife, but she was pretty angry about the whole thing. Beca hated being coddled, but when she wasn’t, she pushed herself too far.  “I can’t monitor you every second of every day, you have to take care of yourself too.”

“I know.”

Before either of them could say anything else, the curtain was pushed back again and Dr. Harold walked in, looking through Beca’s chart. 

“If you wanted to see me that badly, you could have just made an appointment,” he joked, closing the chart and setting it on the end of the bed.  “How are you feeling, Beca?”

“I’m alright.” She was pretty embarrassed about the entire thing, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.  “Can I just go home?”

“We need to discuss a few things first.” He continued, “You were pretty dehydrated when you got here, and your blood pressure was dangerously low.  Since I’m the one that writes your prescriptions, I know you’re on medication for your blood pressure, have you been taking it?”

Beca looked down sheepishly at her hands.

“Beca, come on, you can’t be serious?” her wife’s voice was full of disbelief and anger. 

“It’s not that I’ve meant to not take them.” Beca defended herself, looking at the doctor.  “I’ve just been sleeping so much, I missed a few doses.”

“You really can’t afford to miss any doses.” Dr. Harold sighed “the chemo is altering your basic body functions and those medications are keeping your body functioning normally, as well as dealing with the side effects from your treatment.” 

Beca nodded, she knew all this already. She thought she’d been doing a pretty good job of staying on top of it, but since getting home from the hospital after her last round, she’d hit a wall.  She took them most of the time, but sometimes she slept so much that she missed some.

“I know some people set alarms on their phone.” The doctor suggested, “then even if you’re asleep, you’ll be reminded that you at least need to get up to take your medication.  I know it’s hard to keep track of when you’ve taken them when you’re sleep schedule had been altered, but it’s imperative that you do.” 

Beca nodded again.  “Can I go home now?”

“Yeah, you can go home.” He sighed, carefully removing the IV from her arm “make sure you take your medications Beca, I don’t want to see you back in this ER.”

“She will, don’t worry.” Chloe assured him before he walked out of the cubical leaving the 2 women alone.  “Come on Becs, let’s get you home.”

Chloe helped her wife to her feet, worried that the younger girl would be a little wobbly, but was surprised when she was steadier on her feet than she had been all day.  She held out her hand for Beca to take and led them out to the reception area to fill out some paperwork before they could finally go home.

 

* * *

“Beca, I think maybe we should get some help.” Chloe suggested while they were on their way home.  “We can’t keep winging it like this.  Too many things are falling through the cracks." 

“What do you mean by help?” Beca asked cautiously, she knew her wife was still pretty upset and she didn’t want to fight with her, but she didn’t like where this conversation was going.

“Like a nurse.”

“No.”

“Beca…” Chloe sighed, pulling into their driveway. “You just passed out in the middle of a freaking store because you hadn’t been taking your meds. I’m clearly not able to handle all of this myself and I’m already behind at work and we can’t afford for me to lose that job, especially since we get our insurance through it.”

“I’ll do the thing with the alarms, it’s no big deal.”

“It is a big deal Beca.” Chloe took of her seatbelt and turned towards her wife.  “Medications aside, I’m always worrying about you and it would be really helpful if I had someone who could help ease that, to make sure you’re ok when I’m not around or even when I am around.  I’m pregnant Beca, and I haven’t been taking care of myself well enough because I’ve been so stressed out.”

“I’ll do better Chlo.” Beca was basically begging at this point.  “I’ll ask my dad or Jesse or Aubrey for help too so you don’t have to drop what you’re doing all the time, and I can take care of myself better than I have been. Please Chloe.”

“Beca…”

“And I’ll help you with stuff for the baby, I want to help take the stress off of you.  I want you and the baby to be healthy and happy and I want to be involved, please Chlo just let me prove that I can do it.”

“We don’t have to make any decisions right now, but something has to change Beca, today was way too close of a call.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m really sorry about today baby.” Beca whispered as they were cuddled up in bed that night.  “I didn’t think it was that bad.  I thought I was fine." 

“I know you did Becs.” Her wife whispered back “I know you didn’t mean to pass out or anything, but you have to be more careful, that was really scary.”

“I’ve put you through so much these last few months.” The younger girl sighed, pulling her wife closer to her and kissing her forehead.  “I’ll never be able to repay you, you’ve been amazing.”

“You don’t have to repay me.” Chloe tried to stifle a yawn before continuing.  “I love you to the ends of the earth, I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”

“I’ll do better.”

“I know you will.” The red head assured her, kissing her on the nose.  “No need to beat yourself up over it, it’s in the past, you’re ok, that’s all that matters.”

“How the hell did I get so lucky?” Beca chuckled, her voice still barely above a whisper “you’re so patient and understanding and…perfect.  God, I love you so much.”

“It helps that you’re hot.” That got another small laugh out of Beca before the older girl continued “no but really, you stole my heart a long time ago and you’ve taken great care of it. A life without you seems kinda like a life without music…pretty pointless.”

Beca just stared at her wife for a few moments, in awe of the woman in her arms.  Chloe was so selfless and caring and so full of love.  They’d been together for years and Beca still had to pinch herself sometimes, reminding herself that the perfect woman before her really did love her back, that even though she thought of herself as nothing more than a music obsessed, selfish asshole, this beautiful girl saw some redeeming qualities in her.  Chloe’s love gave her a purpose the way that nothing else ever did.

“Like a life without music?” Beca asked, “You must really like me, huh?”

“You’re alright.” Chloe joked, tucking her arms into her chest and snuggled closer to her wife, allowing Beca to hold her. Before the younger girl had gotten sick, Chloe spent every night in her arms, but now, more often than not, Beca would be asleep long before Chloe even went to bed.  She missed being held by her wife and was going to relish it, even if it was just for 1 night.  “Come on baby, let’s go to sleep.”

“Love you Chlo.” Beca placed a firm kiss on her wife’s temple before resting her head on her pillow. 

“Love you too, Becs.”

 

* * *

 

Chloe sat at her desk the next afternoon, desperately trying to tune out her wife who was humming while she worked on a mix at the desk behind her.  They’d moved Beca’s office in with hers a week earlier, having needed to clear out the other room so they could begin piecing together the nursery.  So far it had worked out decently mostly in part to Beca not really being in there all that often since she had been so ill lately. The older girl wasn’t sure this arrangement was going to work, she was struggling to focus and she really needed to get the report she was working on done by the end of the day. 

Right as Chloe was about to turn around and ask Beca to be quiet for what felt like the 15th time that day, the doorbell rang.  She waited to see if her wife would get it, but the younger girl in her giant headphones, wasn’t the least bit phased by someone at their front door. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not busy, I’ll get it.” The red head huffed to herself as she got up from her desk and headed downstairs. The doorbell rang again as she made it to the foot of the stairs.  “I’m coming!”

Chloe was surprised when the opened the door to be face to face with a deliveryman, holding the biggest flower arrangement she had ever seen. 

“Delivery for Chloe Beale.”

“That’s me.” She had to snap out of her amazement to sign for the flowers and take them off the mans hands.

“Have a good day ma’am,” he said, as he jogged back to his truck, leaving Chloe in the doorway with the flowers. She walked back into the house, placing the arrangement on the counter and searching for a card, finding it tucked behind some yellow roses, her favorite. 

“ _You are Titanium.  I love you. -Beca”_

“You like them?” Chloe jumped a little when she heard her wife’s voice behind her.  She quickly turned around, ran across the room and engulfed her wife in a hug. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“They’re beautiful, Beca.” Chloe let go of her wife, but grabbed her hand, dragging the younger girl over to the flowers. “This must have cost a fortune though, it’s too much.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Beca chided “after what I’ve put you through lately, this isn’t remotely close to what you deserve, I’ve been so neglectful.” 

“Becs, you’ve been sick, you haven nothing to make up for.” The older girl assured her, a gleeful smile still present on her face as she leaned down and gave her wife a sweet kiss.  “Thank you though.”

“You’re welcome baby.” Beca held her wife tighter “I just wanted to make sure you know how much I appreciate you, even if I’m not the greatest at showing it all the time.”

“You are Becs.” Chloe again assured her, “it’s been a tough few months but I’ve never doubted that.”

 

* * *

 

“Chlo, come on we’re gonna be late!” Beca called as she waited by the front door.  She heard her wife shuffling in the kitchen before she came around the corner looking a little disheveled.  “The appointment is in 20 minutes, we should have left awhile ago." 

“It’ll be fine.” Chloe assured her, taking the keys from her wife’s hand and leading them out to the car.  “They’re not going to give our appointment away just because we’re a few minutes late.”

“You never know.” Beca mused, buckling her seatbelt “They’ve got to stay on schedule or the hormonal pregnant women will revolt.”

“Are you trying to say something Becs?” Chloe playfully glared as she backed the car out of the driveway.

“ _Other_ hormonal pregnant women.” Beca quickly corrected herself, leaning across the center console and kissing her wife on the cheek.  “Never you, babe.”

“Nice save.”

Truth was, Beca _had_ noticed the shift in Chloe in the last few weeks and she found it both unnerving and rather entertaining.  Little things set her off, she couldn’t watch a TV commercial for an animal rescue without completely losing it, and everyday things like a few dishes in the sink got her irrationally angry.  Beca knew not to take it personally, and she tried to brush it off when Chloe berated her for something silly like setting the wrong ringtone for her alarm in the morning. 

A little while later the found themselves in an exam room, waiting on the doctor.  Beca wasn’t exactly sure why but she was nervous about what they were about to find out. 

“Would you stop fidgeting?” Chloe laughed from where she was propped up on the exam table.  She reached over and laced her hand with her wife’s. “Everything is fine Bec.”

“You don’t know that.” Bec sighed, “What if all this stress has…”

“Hey, no.” Chloe cut her off, not wanting her wife to blame herself for anything else.  “Don’t go there, everything is fine.”

“But what if…”

“Beca, stop.” The older girl soothed “Just…chill.”

Beca nodded, consciously trying to stop her leg from bouncing and plastering a smile on her face.  She couldn’t forget the last time they were there though, when the doctor said that Chloe’s blood pressure was elevated, most likely due to stress. The situation had only gotten more stressful and Beca would never forgive herself if something happened to Chloe or their baby because of her. 

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the door opening and the doctor walking in.  Beca had to adjust her eyes to the bright pink scrubs, trying not to laugh at herself at how she still wasn’t prepared for them. 

“Good morning ladies.” She smiled, rolling a stool over to the exam table and sitting down next to Chloe.  “So how are you feeling Chloe?”

“I feel good.  Morning sickness is pretty much gone thankfully.” She smiled “I kinda thought I’d start to show by now though.  I just look bloated.”

“Everyone carries pregnancies differently, but at 17 weeks it shouldn’t be much longer.”

“What about her blood pressure?” Beca asked quickly before the doctor had a chance to continue.  Chloe sighed and gave her wife’s hand a squeeze, trying to calm her down.  “You said it was high last time.”

The doctor smiled reassuringly at the younger girl before looking down at the chart.  “Looks like there hasn’t been much change, which isn’t a bad thing. As long as it stays around where it is now I see no reason to worry.”

“See Bec.” Chloe nudged her wife “you can stop freaking out now.”

Beca just smiled sheepishly and listened to the rest of what the doctor had to say.  It all kind of scared her if she was being honest with herself. There was a little human growing inside her wife and it was so important that they didn’t mess anything up. She wanted to take better care of Chloe; she knew she needed to, and that she hadn’t been because they’d both been so focused on her.  She silently berated herself, only looking up when the doctor rolled over the ultrasound machine. 

Just like the first time, Beca couldn’t help the tears from filling her eyes when she heard their babies heartbeat and saw their picture on the monitor.  The doctor pointed out little parts of the picture, but it all looked like a blob to Beca, a bigger blob than last time though. 

“The baby is about the size of an avocado at this point.” The doctor shared. 

“That’s….that’s big.” Beca blurted out, getting a laugh from her wife and a smile from the doctor.  It was weird having a visual to go off of though, it made it more real.

“They’re going to get bigger faster at this point, get ready for it.”

Beca looked up and saw a grin on her wife’s face, she knew how happy this pregnancy made Chloe and even if she wasn’t excited herself, seeing her wife as happy as she was would bring her joy. She just wished that they could enjoy it, it was supposed to be such an exciting time in their lives, but they’d been too caught up in everything else to really take it in.

“Can you tell if it’s a boy or a girl?” Chloe asked, her smile on the verge of taking over her face. 

The doctor looked at the monitor for a few seconds before frowning.  “They’re developed enough, but the way they’re sitting I can’t tell, we’ll definitely be able to tell next time though, just sit tight for a few more weeks.”

Chloe’s smile dipped a little bit, Beca gave her hand a quick squeeze.  “Maybe we shouldn’t find out anyway, let it be a surprise.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my wife?” the older girl asked with a raised eyebrow and a grin “the girl that _always_ needs to know what’s going on, suggesting we wait and be surprised?”

“It could be fun.” Chloe just shook her head in disbelief and turned back to the doctor who was smiling at their interaction.

“I’ll print you guys off some pictures and give you another copy of the ultrasound, but besides that I think that wraps it up for today.”

 

* * *

 

“Do you mind if we swing by the office really quick?” Chloe asked on their way out to the car, “I need to sign some stuff and apparently a digital signature isn’t enough in this case.” 

“Yeah that’s fine.” Beca shrugged, she was staring at the ultrasound in her hand, almost walking into a car mirror before Chloe tugged her away from it. 

“You want to grab some lunch too?” the red head suggested as they got in the car. 

“Can we get something and take it home?” Beca asked quietly.  They were having a good day and she didn’t want to be a downer, but she was still sick after all. “I’m getting kinda tired.”

“Of course.” Chloe smiled, she didn’t make a big deal out of it, but she was really happy that Beca wasn’t pushing herself just to make her happy.  “Do you want me to drop you at home before I go to the office, it’s not out of the way?”

Beca thought about it for a second, before shaking her head “I’ll be fine, I mean I don’t feel bad…I’m just tired.”

Chloe gave her wife’s hand a squeeze as she drove down the road, she was proud of the efforts that Beca had been making the last week.  She could tell that her wife wasn’t really feeling any better, but she was doing a better job at communicating that with Chloe, and a better job of acknowledging when she needed something.  She wasn’t pushing it and that in and of itself was a huge step in the right direction.

They rode in silence for a few minutes before it something dawned on the younger girl.  When she had passed out the week earlier, they were an hour into their shopping trip with a full cart. 

“So what ever happened to all of that stuff we picked out at the store last week?” Chloe just gave her wife a confused look before refocusing on the road.  “You know…the baby store…”

“Oh.” The red head sighed, she didn’t like thinking back to that day.  “They put it all on layaway, I just haven’t had a chance to go back and get it yet.”

“Well that was nice of them.”

“I think you kind of freaked them out, the manager was trying to help but she couldn’t really do anything.”

“I’m really sorry about that Chlo.” Beca mumbled, she was still a little ashamed of what had happened, and she was upset with herself at how upset it had made her wife. 

“It’s ok Becs.” Her wife assured her, giving her hand another gentle squeeze as she pulled the car into the parking lot. “It happened but everything is ok, try and let it go.”

The two women got out of the car and walked into the office building.  Just like the last time she was there, several of Chloe’s co-workers stopped Beca to ask her how she was and to give her encouragement.  She appreciated it, but she was never super comfortable with people she didn’t know knowing a lot about her.  Her wife took pity on her and dragged her away from her co-workers and into the seclusion of her office. 

“Sorry about them.” Chloe was shuffling through some papers on her desk; looking for the ones she needed “they mean well though.”

“I know they do.” Beca sighed, leaning back in the chair and stretching her legs out “It’s just weird to me.”

“Well we all know you wear your heart on your sleeve, babe.” The older girl joked, finding the pile of paperwork she needed and flipping through it.   A content silence filled the office as Chloe read through the file.  Beca closed her eyes and relaxed a bit, before the blaring of the alarm on her phone interrupted it. 

“Shit.” Beca hissed, silencing her phone and angrily tossing it on the desk causing Chloe looked up from her paperwork, a questioning look on her face.  “I don’t have my meds with me.  We’re usually home right now.”

Without saying a word, Chloe leaned down and reached into her purse, pulling out a pillbox and handing it to her wife along with a bottle of water. 

“But…” Beca was confused, but took her medication, placing the now empty box on the desk.  “Sorry.”

“For what?” Chloe didn’t look up; she kept flipping through the pages of the file, signing her name every once in awhile.

“We agreed that I needed to be doing this myself.” Beca mumbled, looking down at her shoes.  “I didn’t…I don’t want you to have to worry about that stuff.”

Chloe looked across her desk at her wife, frowning a little bit at how upset Beca looked over such a miniscule thing. She got up from her chair, walked around the desk and pulled her wife up and into a hug. 

“I needed you to be more careful, babe.” Chloe breathed, holding her wife close to her.  She was grateful that Beca had been stepping up, but she didn’t want the younger girl to beat herself up over something so minor.  “But you’re not doing this alone, I’m here to help you.”

“But you said…with the nurse….”

“I was scared that day Beca.” She leaned back a little bit, tilting her wife’s face up with her hand so she could look in her eyes. “I was scared and stressed and you had just passed out in the middle of a store, I just needed some of that stress not on me and you’ve done a great job of that so far.”

“Until now…”

“Becs, it’s not a big deal.” Chloe half laughed, trying to diffuse the situation “stuff happens, it’s ok.  That’s why I’m here.”

Beca nodded, leaning her head against her wife’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to do this alone Beca, we’re in this together.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short, but I just wanted to remind you guys that I am still writing! I know it's been awhile, but I promise I am continuing the story and I do wish I had more time to write. Hope this tides you over for a bit.

Beca huffed dramatically and leaned back into her chair, looking up at the IV bag to see how much longer she’d be stuck at the hospital. She sighed when she saw that the bag was still half full, meaning she still had awhile before she had to call Jesse to come pick her up.

She was scrolling through her phone, trying to distract herself from the overwhelming boredom that always calm with her chemo treatments, when Dr. Harold strode over, pulling up a chair next to her.

“How’s everything going Beca?” He asked, flipping open her chart ready to write something down.  “I know how much you enjoy these sessions.”

“I’m fine” she shrugged,  pulling her hood higher over her head.  It was her 4th day of treatment and she really wasn’t _fine,_ but all things considered she wasn’t worse than to be expected. “I’m just ready for all of this to be over.”

“Well it looks like you won’t be here too much longer.” He smiled, glancing up at her IV bag.  Beca just shrugged again, knowing that he was saying that more to pacify her than anything. “Anyway, I got those extra scans back, if you want to stop by my office before you leave today.”

When Beca and Chloe had gone in for Beca’s appointment before her 1st treatment of the round, Dr. Harold had ordered more detailed scans, explaining that the ones she routinely had done before each round hadn’t been clear enough. He had told them that it could either be very good news coming back, or very bad news, and Beca wasn’t sure she wanted to face it without her wife. 

“Umm, Chloe isn’t here today,” she began “can we go over it tomorrow?”

“It’s pretty important that we discuss it as soon as possible.”

Beca thought about it for a second and nodded “yeah, ok. I’ll come by when I’m done here.”

“Ok, I’ll see you in a little bit.” He stood from his chair, closing her chart. “Don’t give the nurses too hard a time.”

She watched him walk away, internally panicking about what he had to say. She needed to be getting better, she couldn’t take the idea of more setbacks or treatments. 

Beca pulled out her phone, halfway through typing a frantic text to her wife before she stopped and closed out of the message.  She didn’t need to freak Chloe out when she didn’t even know what was going on.  She’d put enough stress on her wife, she didn’t need to add to that, especially when it was something she wasn’t even sure was bad news.  Maybe it was good news, maybe it would be worth celebrating.

She sighed, leaning back into her chair and silently hoped to herself that time would miraculously fly by.

  

* * *

 

Chloe noticed Beca’s jacket flung over the back of the couch when she walked in. She placed her bag on the floor before searching for her wife, hoping she had been able to make it home before the bad after effects of her earlier treatment kicked in. 

The door to the office was cracked a little bit, and she saw her wife sitting at her laptop, headphones over her head, but the way she was holding herself was off.  Beca usually sat up straight, her neck bent forward a little bit as she squinted at the lines of music on her screen, but today was different.  Her entire body was slouched towards the desk, her head leaning on her hand as her free hand traced motions on the trackpad.

Chloe quietly crossed the room, making Beca jump when she wrapped her arms around her from behind.  The younger girl quickly pulled her headphones off, and brushed her hand across her face, only then did Chloe notice that Beca was crying.

She spun the chair around, squatting down in front of her wife so they were eye level.  Taking the younger girls hands in hers.  “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I –“ Beca wiped her face on the sleeve of her plaid shirt “Dr. Harold got the results from those extra scans back.”

Chloe’s blood ran cold as she waited for her wife to continue, Beca was upset, she knew that meant it wasn’t good news.

“I’m –“ Beca looked down at their joined hands before looking back at the concerned blue eyes in front of her. “I’m gonna die, Chloe.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I'm the worst. I know it's taken forever to get this chapter up, but thanks for bearing with me. I know where I want the story to go, I'm just having trouble figuring out how to get there. 
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is super short, but I figured I owed you guys something while I try and figure this shit out.

Chloe felt like she’d been punched in the stomach, but she tried to keep a straight face for her wife. Whatever Beca was feeling, she needed to be supportive for her wife, but really, she needed to know what exactly was going on.

She reached up and brushed an errant strand of hair out of her wife’s face, her hand lingering and cupping Beca’s cheek, wiping away a few tears in the process.

“Did Dr. Harold tell you that, Bec?”

“Not in as many words” She hiccupped, scowling at herself. She didn’t like crying, she didn’t like the way it made her felt and she didn’t like how it made Chloe look at her like she was broken. “He said there was nothing more he could do.”

“So we’ll go somewhere else.” Chloe offered, holding onto the slightest bit of hope. “We’ll find someone else. We never called that doctor Bree was trying to get us in touch with, and this hospital isn’t a leading cancer center.”

“You don’t get it!” Beca’s voice was a little louder, a little more sure. “He showed me the scans, and he said he’d talked to other doctors and none of them could offer a better treatment.”

“So we keep trying, Beca.” Chloe was trying to stay positive, it was all she could cling to “Don’t give up yet.”

“I’m so tired, Chloe” the younger girl sighed, leaning forward and resting her head in her hands. “I’m so freaking tired.”

“I know you are baby.” Chloe leaned forward and kissed the top of Beca’s head, which the younger girl was still cradling in her hands. “You’ve been through so much these last few months, but you’re so strong. I know you can beat this.”

Chloe knelt in front of her wife and silently stroked her hair while the younger stayed slumped down. She could tell Beca was crying, but she wasn’t falling apart, Chloe knew she just needed to be there.

“Why don’t you go lay down, Bec?” Chloe offered after a few minutes. “You’ll probably feel better after a bit of rest.”

“I had chemo this morning, Chloe.” Beca scoffed, looking up at her wife and wiping tears away from her eyes. “I’m gonna feel worse in a little bit.”

“Then more reason to get rest now.” The red head stood up and offered her hand to her wife who took it without protest, allowing her wife to guide her out of the office and through the hall to their room. The older girl pulled back the blankets, toed off her shoes and settled under the covers, opening her arms for Beca who immediately laid down and snuggled into her wife.

“You’re going to be ok, Beca.” Chloe assured her, kissing the top of the brunettes head. “We’ll figure this out. You’re going to be ok.”

* * *

 

Once Chloe was sure Beca was asleep, she carefully untangled herself and climbed out of the bed, grabbing her phone off the nightstand and quickly dialing a number she’d memorized years ago. 

“Aubrey Posen.”

“Hey, it’s me” Chloe sighed, as she walked downstairs “Can you do me a favor?”

“Of course Chlo.” Aubrey was quick to reply “Is everything ok?”

“No, not really.” The red head opened the back door and stepped out onto their deck, squinting against the fall sunshine. “Can you call that doctor?”

“What happened?”

“I don’t really know the details.” Chloe sat down on the swinging bench, pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them with her free arm. “Beca got the results from some scans and I guess it’s really bad. I wasn’t there...I don’t…I can’t lose her.”

“You’re not gonna lose her.” Aubrey assured her friend. “I’ll call him right now. Do you need anything? Do you want me to come over?”

Chloe thought about it for a moment, and quickly got lost in her own mind. She thought about her wife and how scared she must be, and how scared she herself was, she thought of the possibility of raising their child on her own. The prospect of life without Beca scared her. She struggled enough when Beca was out of town for a few days, and even then she could still talk to her, the idea of Beca no longer being alive was something that rattled her to her core.

“Chlo, you there?” Aubrey asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

“yeah, sorry.” The redhead mumbled. “No, don’t come over. Beca had chemo this morning and she’s not going to be feeling well soon. Thanks though.”      

“What about later?” Aubrey followed, “I can bring over dinner, maybe Jack will cheer her up.”

Chloe’s mind was wandering again, but after a few moments she remembered her friend on the other end of the phone. “Maybe tomorrow.” She offered “Becs would probably love to see Jack, today just…not today.”

Aubrey sighed, Chloe could tell her friend felt helpless, she herself felt helpless but at least she was there and knew the details. She felt bad shutting Aubrey out, knowing all the blonde wanted to do was offer her support, Chloe just didn’t know what to do.

“I’ll call the doctor and give him your number” Aubrey once again shook Chloe from her thoughts “I’ll make sure he calls you this afternoon.”

“Thanks Bree.” Chloe sighed, leaning her head against her knee.

“Call me if you need anything, promise?” Chloe hummed a noncommittal response, her mind drifting off to the brunette upstairs again. “I’ll talk to you soon, Chlo.”

Chloe hung up and tossed her phone on the bench beside her, not even bothering to wipe her face as the tears started slowly cascading down. She pulled her knees even tighter to herself as she tried to stay positive despite the fact that for the first time in months, she felt her wife slipping away.


End file.
